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Not Mine

I have over 1100 scars now... I had passed 1000 when I stopped counting and I've done alot of **** after that so I'm guessing thats about how many cuts/scars I have... They are all over my body but most of all I think the carrier of surly 650 of them is my back, they are also the once who carries the heaviest story.
They are marks from 14 years of abuse by whipping. My father said it was my punishment for existing and bringing the filth that was me onto the world and that I should end it so I'd spare the world the looks of my impurety
I'm glad I can't see them
NoatoNoaki NoatoNoaki 18-21, M 4 Responses May 30, 2011

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it's easier said than done to let go of this kind of horrible trauma but it has to come someday or you'll just be living your past everyday.

Yeah I understand, but the fact is that you need to forget. Actually you HAVE to forget. Because you deserve to be happy in life. To be free of all the baggage that weighs you down. I mean you suffered so so so much, its time for you to start afresh. I know its difficult, but why care about the past when it will just hold you down.<br />
Please try with all the force you have to forget and walk on the path you choose to walk on letting go of all the unnecessary baggage that will only hold you down. You deserve to be happy and free of any trauma :)<br />
Stay strong. And have faith.

They more remind me on him and all men that so proudly wanted to make a mark on me... and the sickness he passed on to me... I didn't actually survive... I broke down and split in two and thats how I made it... I wish I could see them like you want me to but I can't

I'm really sorry to hear that you were abused for this long. I hope these scars remind you of your survival and bring in the best in you always. Please don't let the past bad experiences make you feel you were bad or you deserved it. You are special, because you survived and fought through such rough times. I have a few scars myself, that remind me of my most traumatic days, I wish they could vanish overnight but I guess I'm supposed to live with it the rest of my life, but all I can do is to look at them and be proud of myself that in the end I won and survived :)<br />
Hugs.