Adding New Scars

I began cutting at 15 due to alot of S#!$ I was going threw and am still going threw for 3 going on 4 years i have been a cutter and a self mutilater i beat myself with things at hand but mainly belts or my hands. My scars go bone deep and there are so many emotional and mental scars i wouldnt know where to start. I carry scars on my heart as well every guy i fall in love with i cant have or i know that we will never end up together i know they probably only use me for sex but sometimes i dont care. I guess i will only ever be a sex object for men to screw and as for my heart it's clay in there hands that they can play with. I am so sick and tiered of getting the short end of the stick. I deserve to be happy not miserable i deserve a man who will treat me the way i should be treated but i never fall for guys like that i always fall for the outcast or the jerks.Guys who will never care for me and that emotional pain sends me over the edge and i end up cutting and hurting myself and im done with it. F#@$ this! This is why i hate being in love i wish sometimes i didnt feel anything.