My Struggle With Self Harm

I'm kassie, I'm 14 years old, and I never imagined I would end up like this. I used to look down on people who self harm, but now I'm one of them. I started self harming when I was 13. I don't remember exactly what made me do it, though. something just triggered me, and I felt like I had no where to turn except to a blade, and I had seen/read things about self harm and I decided to try it.. biggest mistake of my life.

I honestly wish I had a better reason to self harm, (ex. bad family life, sexual/physical abuse, etc.) but nothing tragic had ever happened to me. I really do have a great life. my family is wonderful, I have a roof over my head, food in the kitchen, expensive clothing, hell, I'm typing this on my iPhone!

I hate myself. (that's the reason I self harm, I guess.) every aspect about me, I hate. I feel so alone- only a few friends know, but not anyone else. I'm a 14 year old girl, I should be happy, I should be at the beach with my friends, I should be playing sports, I shouldn't be contemplating whether to slice into my skin or not. it's disgusting.

I have never seen a therapist, counselor, etc., so I really haven't been diagnosed with anything professionally. I would consider myself depressed, and I would also consider myself to be bulimic. over time, everything has gotten worse. I purge everything I eat, and self harm daily.

I started out with just using some scissors, and now I take the blades out of pencil sharpeners. I also took the blades out of my fathers knives he uses for work. terrible, right? seeing the blood trickle down my skin is just.. a release. I don't ever feel guilty about it afterwards, either. I fear that the next cut I make will be the one that is "too deep". I desperately need help, but I don't know how to get it. as much as I hate self harming; I cannot live without it.
kzndr kzndr
13-15, F
5 Responses Aug 9, 2012

You are not alone. Thank you for being brave and sharing, Kassie :)<br />
Please stay strong, it's the only way. I know it may seem like your world is crumbling, just remember that there are people just like you out there. Some may even have it worse. We're all here to talk if you would like to talk it out. I'm open to sharing stories and talking anytime, feel free to let me know.<br />
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Continue to be strong and brave, it will get better.<br />
<br />

I understand what your saying. I used to look down on my best friend for self harming her self. I never thought I would do it. Until something happened. And I felt really bad about myself and when I cut I felt better but I felt ashamed of myself. You feel like there's no way out. You shouldn't hate your self. You've fallen into to a bad place but there is hope.

Please try to hold on. I don't know you - I know nothing about you so this may sound annoying or irritating, but I know that deep within you is a wonderful and beautiful person. I hope and pray that one day soon you may start to believe this about yourself. Please don't give up on yourself. If you look you will find love and support from others who can help you see all the wonder inside you. Don't suffer in silence - reach out and ask for help. I self harmed for years and years, but I know there's light at the end of the tunnel. Don't give up on yourself - you can do it. xx

Hold on, I am trying to get things sorted out.. it says that your privacy settings won't let me message you... Can you E-Mail me? My E-Mail is:

I'll email you right now.


Hey, Message me I might be able 2 help you