My Struggle With Schizoafffective Disorder.

I have been diagnosed as schizoaffective. Im the bipolar type.I knew before I was diagnosed that I was somewhere around the lines of this disorder. But when the doc diagnosed me it took me sometime to actually accept it. In the beggining of this craziness (lol) I believed someone was talking to me through the tv and the radio. I thought that there was a possibility that they were recording me. I honestly believed that someone was talking to me through the tv and the radio (LOl) it was pretty scary for me. I didn't find it bizzare during that time. I honestly thought there was people trying to communicate with me. The voices weren't all that aggressive towards me. They were actually kinda cool. But then a month into to it they completeley switched over and became very aggressive towards me. They would tell me to kill myself and that i was retarded. The delusions became very bad. I would hear crackling sounds and the voices would escape through there. At night it sounded like there was literally someone bombarding me with those statements. Any little sound I heard that. I tried to ignore my voices and delusions but that just made things much worse for me. It became worse soon that it proggessed to the point I heard voices everywhere that I went.I tried to continue college with this and let me tell ya I think that might have made my symptoms worse. I became really paranoid. Still paranoid till this day. People would talk and I would hear the voices coming out of them. Even crying babies would say that. I understood it was all in my head by that time. But it really freaked me out. I finally went to the doc about three months into this and i was quickly put on meds and hospitalized. Its been a few weeks since ive been on my meds (600mg serequol). It's been a lot of downs and a few ups for me. Presently i think the worse part of having schizoaffective is my random thoughts. Mostly when my anxiety is up this happends to me.That and my paranoia drives me nuts sometimes. Ive been somewhat getting used to this but its been tough.

heca heca
18-21, F
13 Responses Jul 15, 2010

I to have schizoaffective i went through the exact same things you did my parents think its the devil but why i am a believer in christ also have hard time working love and care chad

Hi. I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar type religiously themed. For me I see the signs hear the voices and see some pretty powerful images. When I first experienced symptoms including what you described it was really strong because I never had experienced it before. Was there any trace of some theme driving your experience with some kind of purpose behind the symptoms you noticed or was it all random and you had no idea what was going on?

You must strengthen your personality and put your leg on the ground in front of the "demons". Think of beautiful things that bring you peace. It will take time but if you will focus on peaceful thoughts, you will be cured.

I have schizoaffective too. Bipolar type. I see things and all my senses have been affected by it. I also have OCD and panic disorder and possible borderline personality. You aren't alone in this. I know it gets scary. There is a god in heaven who loves you. I am a follower of Jesus. He is my hope! :)

Thank you for sharing your story. I have a 14 year old daughter that at the age of 6 was diaginoised with bipolar 1. Then Bipolar 1 with pychotic features and this year schizoaffective disorder. I have been told she is full of crap, told she is making it up and very vandictive.<br />
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She has been hospitalized 6 times, since age 6. Many times I wanted to hospitalize her but the hospital would not take her cause her doctor said he could "control" it with medication. Finally, I took her outside our county and they did admit her.<br />
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We have alot of rebuilding to do in our relationship. I couldn't imagine doctors, counsilors and your parents getting spoon fed the wrong information and doubting you.<br />
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Uphill battles. Win one battle and move on to another. When someone believes it is all behavioral, gather additional troops and move on to fight another battle. The war will never be won, so to speak. That's ok. Knowledge is power and so is standing tall, proud and supportive to your loved ones.

lol me too(I was diagnosied when I was 16 for like 3 disorders but try not to go by them ) and oh my god when you said you felt like the people in the radio and tv were talking to you thats what happened to me thats when I went on my super big manic episode (i was on drugs too though and hard drugs at that) that landed me in a hospitol for like 4 weeks and on awhole bunch of medication and everything you said makes sense to me I think everything is related to me anything I liked your story thanks for sharing it ;)

yeah thats what ive been trying to do lateley..Instead of hiding myself behind closed doors I head out..It does do good for ones soul..Lateley my voices have been stabilized.... Its just the random thoughts that have been bugging me for a while...But talking to other people and keeping my mind occupied has really helped a lot...

good Music, smiles, love, nothing negative, good balance (nothing vulgar in conversations with friends, the things I do, like what I read or music I listen to) and time spent outdoors. These are all my best medicines with my disorder schizoaffective too. I don't 'hear' voices or anything but I have random thoughts that act like voices, no sound or nothing. A lot of delusions what I believe most of the time gets twisted, and all of my idea's and plans fail mostly, sometimes they work. I havent been able to finish anything I've started in what seems like eons. Other than that I stay positive about it all and try not to act rashly on what I think or see.<br />
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Good luck to you, I just pray to god not through any religion or book. The truth can only be the truth anyways if that makes sense.

I'm not sure whether Christianity is the answer mate - the world is bigger than this one religion and millions of people do not believe Jesus died on a cross (which used to confuse me before I found sources which said that this was not true and a cover up by the church).<br />
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Be kind to yourself and take time to heal. <br />
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Lots of love

I couldn't help but read some of the comments people have left about your story. i do not believe in god because I have been a student for years and years. They tell us at school that the bible was a bunch of stories written long ago by smart, holy men at the time, but nothing more. I tried to pray the voices in my head away with religious people, but the voices just continued to be annoying. only time and meds helped. i found that if I drank or done drugs they made my condition worse as well. Months may seem like years for you now, but in 4 or five years from now, if you still take your medicine and live right I think that you can beat this problem. I have been doing so. It has been close to 30 years since I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia, and I have to say that I have come a long way. I am not a rich man, but I am not a broke man either. I come down as an in between type of person. I live a pretty comfortable life now days It all takes time though. Good luck with your condition. <br />
From sisy ( the bisexual, Native American, schizophrenic) .

I have schizoaffective disorder and I am a christian. I have been mentally ill for almost ten years now. at one point someone told me to pray and that God would help me, so i stopped taking my meds. then i ended up in the psychiatric unit at the hospital where I was put back on my meds, and I have taken them faithfully for 7 years. And my life is better on the meds. although I still have troubles, i have my meds to help out. So I guess what I am trying to say is: Yes God can help you, but God helps them who helps themselves. and if you help your self by taking your meds as prescribed, then thats the important thing, then God will help. Never stop taking your meds without your Doctor's approval, supervision and directions.

Many medicines will produce the affects that you are talking about here. One of the glories of having Parkinson Disease is that I drool when eating, but have a dry mouth at night.. i was told there was a pill available that would cure that.. Being much smarter about pills these days, I asked, "what are this pill's side affects?"<br />
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"Just a few minor things--Hallucinations and Death". I told them what they could do with their pills, and I still drool at meals. I just call it my Pavlov's Dog Syndrome. If somebody doesn't like how I am...that's their problem.

Look...I don't kmow if you belive in aGod or not and i don't care.<br />
Your sickness is the war that you must win.It is belived that some people like you have a special sensibility and they can hear somethink that a noirmal human can't.<br />
Now let's see...It is ebelived that humans have angels and demons surounding them. So you probably hear demons.I advice you to go to church, tell some prayers, try to listen a peacefull music and change your life.I know it's hard, but a human can heal himself more than some medicine can.Perhaps you don't trust me, but what do you have to lose? Infact, if you pray and listen to beoutifull music like "Enya"or "Bel Cantato" you will find your peace.<br />
I advice you that: when you hear voices to say a pray like: "God please help me in this hard imes, and help others too. Help us God because we can't help ourselfs! Amin."<br />
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It is better to find the words for your pray in your heart and don't make promisies that you can't keep.May God be with you and may that you will find your peace!