Do I Have Schizoaffective Disorder?

Last summer I had cancer.  As a part of the treatment I took a steroid.  Towards the end of the treatment I was unable to sleep for approximately five days.  During that time I had numerous halluciations both visual and auditory.  I had already asked my parents if they'd help me with a physicatric evaluation.  Both they and my uncle paid for me to see a therapist and a psychiatric nurse practitoner.  They both had some trouble diagnoising me-and I discovered that often times the diagnosis can create issues with recieving social security.  The nurse practitoner diagnoised me with schzoaffective disorder/bi polar and polysubstance abuse.  My current struggle is multilayered. 

Since seeing these two people I have learned that it is often difficult to diagnois drug abusers with such disorders because prolonged use of illicit drugs can result in similar symptoms.  My dilema is that pot seems to calm and focus my mind-although when I use it all day everyday a haze settles over me.  The tegretol seems to help but I've struggled with taking it as prescribed-mainly because I do not have sufficent funds to pay for the continued appointments.   I have always struggled with sleep and even just one pill a night helps especially if I get to bed before midnight.  Usually if I go to bed around 1030 or 11 I'll sleep like a rock till 130 and after that I'll wake up once every hour or so.  The tegretol helps me go back to sleep.

I guess what's bothering me is not knowing if I really have this disorder, and even if I should consider it a disorder.  I like my mystic thinking.  I like feeling sharp and focused.  I do believe in demons and believe that simply because something is going on in the meat of my brain does not mean that there is not a spiritual battle going on as well.  Who knows exactly what the relationship is between spirtual entities and physical realities?  Currently there is no way to test it. 

But I ramble on.  FYI I've been clean for about a week or so. 

Okay the other issue is my childhood and sometimes it feels like accepting this diagnosis helps me to better understand myself.  For one, when alone, I have often had auditory hallicuinations.  Mostly it just sounds like a radio that was left on in another room.  It used to freak me out but after a 4 day stay in the hospital I learned that I could choose to simply accept it as a manifestation of my mind and ignore it.  But I wonder...is it the result of all the drug use-and there is pretty much nothing I haven't tried once-or is it something else?

Anyway I've been feeling a little manic the last few weeks and I'm starting to dread the crash.  I feel like I have a certain clarity about my life at the moment and do not want to loose that energy.  Not that I want to stay up all night anymore.  I am by no means an old man but my body cannot take that kind of punishment anymore.

I'd best be off.  I'm on vacation and should be enjoying it.  What I've been thinking lately is that I ought to refocus my energy on my plan.  My current counselor has stated that getting off course on the plan does not mean I need to chuck the whole plan.  My goal is to be clean for three months so as to help the doctor get a clear view of my issues.  In the meantime...I guess I'll take one pill a day. 

And besides even if my issues stem only from the drug use the symptoms and plan are the same. 
budro budro
31-35
1 Response Jul 27, 2010

let me say you are pretty good off understanding there is a spiritual war being waged in this existance. This is the reason for your condition man, everything christyna has said to you is true, your drug addictions left your Armor of God vulnerable to the demonic attacks, leaving you with bad mental symptoms that allowed doctors to classify you as schitzo-affective. Keep up your soberness and your symptoms should cease. The halucinations could be demonically imposed, however if they continue, there's a good chance they are God's gifts to you, he may be trying to speak to you. He often speaks to me, and it sometimes sounds like a radio in another room, he will even play music for me, he and I like to call it heaven's radio station.