I Was Diagnosed With Schizoaffective Disorder But Closure Isn't Satisfying.

I have had focusing problems since my prepreteen years and i recently switched psychiatrists to help me out (my grades were suffering severely due to lack of focus and memory). i usually black out when i go to appointments so i forgot what or why i was there and i ended up getting diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. the doctor kept convincing me that it would help me focus and they obviously didnt.

this wouldn't be much of a problem, but i planned to join the military, but i cant because the meds she prescribed would be an automatic dq from the service. i looked into sza and it does nail most of my symptoms on the head perfectly, but i dont hallucinate.... or at least i dont think i do.

i am very paranoid and socially awkward in public. to throw in a colorful metaphor. each word i say feels like yelling ''bomb'' in a crowded airport. i cant really function at parties and social events. i have found people who almost have everything in common with me but it never felt correct to engage them in conversation, inevitably causing me to end up not being friends with them. i also feel like im being watched all the time and that the whole world is in sync against me, or that im driving in the opposite lane of everyone else mt4cly. i find it nearly improssible to inquire for a job without feeling threatened, and i dont have the focus span for college and i cant join the military because they see all mental disorders as a threat when clearly im no harm to others. i havent begun to list my awkward problems but im typing this from a phone so i cant edit what i type.

if anyone out there has sza please message me im not a mutant but i never leave my house i need help and my pdoc refuses to help. im losing my grip on reality. is there even any chance that the pdoc could be wrong on the diagnosis i feel like ive burned all bridges and my paranoid self marely acknowledges symptoms.
thaderane thaderane
18-21, M
4 Responses Oct 13, 2011

Meds didnt work for me,i had no one to turn to and i started thinking about my mistakes in life and accepted god in my life,and now i can honestly say that god showed me things way worse than what i thought i was .......i try to help those that was in my situation..i have studied psychology and passed with a d just by listening ...so now im going back to get my degree....the very same thing people deprived me of,just because i made mistakes in my life and had me committed and no one could help me...love yah

i also have schiczoaffective disorder. im a 31 year old male with two kids. annd about 5 years ago i thought my whole world was crashing down around me. hearing voices, paranoid the cops were after me all the time, confused about the simplest things. plus i drank alot and did drugs. but now im clean, yet im homless living in my car bec. no one was supporting me and i cant really take care of myself with out some assistance. keep your hear up. ive been living in my car for 5 months and this morning my mother agreed to pay my rent and electric bill for a year some i can hopfully recieve disability benifits. take your meds and just make the best of it. i believe people with this illness can succed in life. this has given me hope. maybe someone or something can give yoou some hope.

I alsno suffer from sza disorder. many years of trying out meds and going off meds and finally found something that worked for me. I suffer from delusions, audio, visual and tactile hallucinations when I don't take meds.<br />
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it has been narrowed down to one single voice in my head from taking risperidone. i only use 2mgs a day, but the meds supress the delusional thinking and that has come as a releif.<br />
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I agree that you should file for disability and get a disability lawyer. they generally take a percentage of your back pay (they back pay to the time of your accident.) you may have to see a judge regarding your condition.<br />
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i was also disappointed when i couldn't go into the military. i understand<br />
Shilo R. 39, Female<br />
Washington state

I dont quite understand what its like to not have delusional thoughts. Im not really sure just how these meds are supposed to help. I dont hallucinate.... I think.

When you have delusional thinking it is sometimes hard to recognize. sometimes its paranoia, sometimes it is a beleif in something irrational or untrue, like beleiving you are telepathic or that a stranger is in love with you.

I had a lot of irrational behavior and got into many situations that were bad because of delusional thinking. Now that my beleif centers in my brain are not goint haywire, i no longer am convinced that my hallucinations are telling me the truth. like i said, it's a releif.

I take drugs that are for Schizoaffective Disorder for depression. I do not have the disease but the drugs certainly work for depression.