I Was Diagnosed With Schizoaffective Disorder But Closure Isn't Satisfying.I have had focusing problems since my prepreteen years and i recently switched psychiatrists to help me out (my grades were suffering severely due to lack of focus and memory). i usually black out when i go to appointments so i forgot what or why i was there and i ended up getting diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. the doctor kept convincing me that it would help me focus and they obviously didnt.
this wouldn't be much of a problem, but i planned to join the military, but i cant because the meds she prescribed would be an automatic dq from the service. i looked into sza and it does nail most of my symptoms on the head perfectly, but i dont hallucinate.... or at least i dont think i do.
i am very paranoid and socially awkward in public. to throw in a colorful metaphor. each word i say feels like yelling ''bomb'' in a crowded airport. i cant really function at parties and social events. i have found people who almost have everything in common with me but it never felt correct to engage them in conversation, inevitably causing me to end up not being friends with them. i also feel like im being watched all the time and that the whole world is in sync against me, or that im driving in the opposite lane of everyone else mt4cly. i find it nearly improssible to inquire for a job without feeling threatened, and i dont have the focus span for college and i cant join the military because they see all mental disorders as a threat when clearly im no harm to others. i havent begun to list my awkward problems but im typing this from a phone so i cant edit what i type.
if anyone out there has sza please message me im not a mutant but i never leave my house i need help and my pdoc refuses to help. im losing my grip on reality. is there even any chance that the pdoc could be wrong on the diagnosis i feel like ive burned all bridges and my paranoid self marely acknowledges symptoms.