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I Have Schizoaffective Disorder

I just realized that I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder at age 29, 3 years ago. I am so happy to know that my diagnosis is this, because my first diagnoses about ten years ago were bipolar and manic depression and I never felt they described all my symptoms. I am happy because I can possibly get more effective therapy and learn to cope better now, knowing and accepting what I am dealing with. The reason I am just realizing that I have this is because I didn't pay attention when a new psychiatrist filled out paperwork for me (3 yrs ago). I had assumed she was writing the same as everyone else, bipolar depression. I recently had to dig up a copy of the papers she filed and I read her diagnosis of me finally--schizoaffective disorder. It describes all my symptoms. I am glad that what I have has been defineable all this time. I had been thinking that I was alone and just had an unrelatable, undefineable "depression."Everyone's stories on here have really touched me to tears. I've never found a site where I could nod my head and so much relate.
I'm planning to get back on meds now, and to get therapy to try to work this out. Everything-my symptoms are as bad as they've ever been. I started hearing the voices at about age 19.I hear them berating me, screaming in what seems like agony or just talking about their lives all the time and I can't take silence for too long. I'm afraid and have really bad panic attacks in the silence, so I always have the tv or other background noise on, even when I sleep,shower or use the bathroom. I can't handle the sound of running water or white noise because they sound like screaming voices.Its really hard for me to be in a public place where I can't control the background noise. If some of the sounds are undecipherable I get really confused and go into a panic attack. Then I have to breath really loud, try to make myself laugh, have a conversation if possible, or just agree with whatever the voices are saying until I'm finished so they wont drive me crazy. I feel crazy and alone. I'm also a member of naranon, for someone in my household who has a drug addiction problem so on top of my anxiety, I have "all my wordly possessions can dissappear if I leave my house or blink my eye" anxieties (I have to sometimes admit). Having these problems is like having a child., only the child will never grow up or enhance your life. I'm just hoping to get better and am glad find some people who can relate. Hopefully, we'll all be better soon.
usme usme 31-35 8 Responses May 13, 2012

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Hi my names Debris21592 and I have schizoaffective as well. Whats the worst thing you've ever done. There's usually a ton of things they can make you feel guilt about . Mine used to torture me until they calmed down this year. I was suicidal and just like you in public. I couldn't stop jumping up and shaking my hands with my eyes bucked while a racing thoughts sentence came running out of my mouth. I may have been experiencing other disorders along with it like OCD. I'm with Xetrov up there. Its great to know I'm not alone.

Hi my names Debris21592 and I have schizoaffective as well. Whats the worst thing you've ever done. There's usually a ton of things they can make you feel guilt about . Mine used to torture me until they calmed down this year. I was suicidal and just like you in public. I couldn't stop jumping up and shaking my hands with my eyes bucked while a racing thoughts sentence came running out of my mouth. I may have been experiencing other disorders along with it like OCD. I'm with Xetrov up there. Its great to know I'm not alone.

Hi my names Debris21592 and I have schizoaffective as well. Whats the worst thing you've ever done. There's usually a ton of things they can make you feel guilt about . Mine used to torture me until they calmed down this year. I was suicidal and just like you in public. I couldn't stop jumping up and shaking my hands with my eyes bucked while a racing thoughts sentence came running out of my mouth. I may have been experiencing other disorders along with it like OCD. I'm with Xetrov up there. Its great to know I'm not alone.

Hi my names Debris21592 and I have schizoaffective as well. Whats the worst thing you've ever done. There's usually a ton of things they can make you feel guilt about . Mine used to torture me until they calmed down this year. I was suicidal and just like you in public. I couldn't stop jumping up and shaking my hands with my eyes bucked while a racing thoughts sentence came running out of my mouth. I may have been experiencing other disorders along with it like OCD. I'm with Xetrov up there. Its great to know I'm not alone.

Hi my names Debris21592 and I have schizoaffective as well. Whats the worst thing you've ever done. There's usually a ton of things they can make you feel guilt about . Mine used to torture me until they calmed down this year. I was suicidal and just like you in public. I couldn't stop jumping up and shaking my hands with my eyes bucked while a racing thoughts sentence came running out of my mouth. I may have been experiencing other disorders along with it like OCD. I'm with Xetrov up there. Its great to know I'm not alone.

Hi my names Debris21592 and I have schizoaffective as well. Whats the worst thing you've ever done. There's usually a ton of things they can make you feel guilt about . Mine used to torture me until they calmed down this year. I was suicidal and just like you in public. I couldn't stop jumping up and shaking my hands with my eyes bucked while a racing thoughts sentence came running out of my mouth. I may have been experiencing other disorders along with it like OCD. I'm with Xetrov up there. Its great to know I'm not alone.

Hi my names Debris21592 and I have schizoaffective as well. Whats the worst thing you've ever done. There's usually a ton of things they can make you feel guilt about . Mine used to torture me until they calmed down this year. I was suicidal and just like you in public. I couldn't stop jumping up and shaking my hands with my eyes bucked while a racing thoughts sentence came running out of my mouth. I may have been experiencing other disorders along with it like OCD. I'm with Xetrov up there. Its great to know I'm not alone.

This just sold me, I'm finally not alone