I Have Schizoaffective DisorderI just realized that I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder at age 29, 3 years ago. I am so happy to know that my diagnosis is this, because my first diagnoses about ten years ago were bipolar and manic depression and I never felt they described all my symptoms. I am happy because I can possibly get more effective therapy and learn to cope better now, knowing and accepting what I am dealing with. The reason I am just realizing that I have this is because I didn't pay attention when a new psychiatrist filled out paperwork for me (3 yrs ago). I had assumed she was writing the same as everyone else, bipolar depression. I recently had to dig up a copy of the papers she filed and I read her diagnosis of me finally--schizoaffective disorder. It describes all my symptoms. I am glad that what I have has been defineable all this time. I had been thinking that I was alone and just had an unrelatable, undefineable "depression."Everyone's stories on here have really touched me to tears. I've never found a site where I could nod my head and so much relate.
I'm planning to get back on meds now, and to get therapy to try to work this out. Everything-my symptoms are as bad as they've ever been. I started hearing the voices at about age 19.I hear them berating me, screaming in what seems like agony or just talking about their lives all the time and I can't take silence for too long. I'm afraid and have really bad panic attacks in the silence, so I always have the tv or other background noise on, even when I sleep,shower or use the bathroom. I can't handle the sound of running water or white noise because they sound like screaming voices.Its really hard for me to be in a public place where I can't control the background noise. If some of the sounds are undecipherable I get really confused and go into a panic attack. Then I have to breath really loud, try to make myself laugh, have a conversation if possible, or just agree with whatever the voices are saying until I'm finished so they wont drive me crazy. I feel crazy and alone. I'm also a member of naranon, for someone in my household who has a drug addiction problem so on top of my anxiety, I have "all my wordly possessions can dissappear if I leave my house or bl