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I Had Schizoaffective Disorder And The Episode Lasted 2 Weeks



The first week is very hard to remember, almost like bits and pieces. I remember feeling terrible about winning a jackpot at the casino 6 months before this happened to me. I had the fake check on my wall and remember feeling the most guilt ever because I spent the money all on myself. I was proud of winning it but I was getting voices in my head to rip it up and throw it away. That same day I tried to clean my apartment but felt like I had no energy to clean. I got a call from my Uncles for a cookout and spent the night at my brothers. The thing is I was suppose to work third shift that night but it was like I didn't care about work anymore. The night before I had a hard time concentrating at work, I was confused how to do my job? This whole time I feel like nothing is wrong, that night at my brothers I took a couple hits off his pot pipe. After that I remember hearing laughter, when I was trying to sleep.

The next day is when I'm really lost, I felt like there was something wrong with me and I guess I told my brother I was ubducted by aliens or something. For some reason I thought the aliens were everywhere, and they are out to get me. I remember wanting to get rid of my phone incase I was being tracted by them. The next day my brother and I went to an artifact show. This felt weird, when viewing all the ancient artifacts I remember soaking up all the positive and negative energys. It's almost like the objects have memories to them, some good some bad and for some reason I had a hard time breathing in the out building. I don't know how I drove there and back o.k., my brother said I was crying on my way there and on my way back I had a conversation with my uncle on my phone. On my way back to my Uncles now and my brother knows there is something wrong with me. Then at my Uncles I'm watching t.v. and I'm zoned into the program I was watching. I was interacting with the t.v. and yelling boom for every explosion made on myth busters. I guess I was being really loud and thought my boss was in the same room with me and I was trying to compete against my boss in some kind of t.v. compitition. I'm totally zoned out watching this show and my family couldn't get a hold of me, it was like they didn't exist in my mind. At this moment my family felt like they disappeared and I felt worried and called my brother on the phone, he was gone. I thought my family were trying to get me by myself so they could blow me up with a missle. That's what popped in my head right away. But in reality my Uncle was getting ready to call the cop's and when the cop's got there, I told them I haven't really slept in days and wanted to sleep in my car. They didn't buy it, and wouldn't let me leave so I wanted to sleep so I passed out right in front of the cops. The police report said I pretended to pass out, but my mind just wanted to rest.

So, I remember keeping my eyes shut and being dragged outside. I don't remember being put on the stretcher and put onto an ambulance. But I guess I attacked the ambulance driver, broke his glasses by kicking him in the head. Then in the police report it also says I tried to grab the guys scissors out of his pocket but my hands are handcuffed, I don't know how this is possible. I spent the night in the hospital, I had family come visit but don't remember any of it. I remember being handcuffed to the bed and had to pee in a plastic jug. I think I didn't really sleep the whole night, my mind was thinking random thoughts, I thought I heard voices of an old lady saying help me and I thought it sounded like my mom dieing next to me. But I found out that it couldn't have been her because she was trying to talk to me the next day on the hospital phone. I didn't want to talk to her because I thought she was part of my mental illness. My mom looks like the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz and always thought she messed with witch-craft, I've had dreams about it. I just didn't trust her, she brain washed me about me being like my Dad all the time and told lies about my grandparents on my Dads side puting bottle beer caps in my diapers.

The next morning I go to Winnebago, to some institute. Two cops dropped me off and I had to sign in or something. When I met the others at this institute I was at, I noticed that I wasn't the only one with a problem. I couldn't follow what they were saying to me and probably looked stupid the whole time because all I remember is some teenager told me to stair out this window or else he was going to kill me. So I staired out this window for hours and hours. I don't remember eating with the rest of people, but could hear people eating behind me. I thought they were eating me alive, still stairing out this window, people I think were trying to get me to move away but I wouldn't. I was afraid to die and actually had the feeling that I was dead. My mind played so many tricks on myself it wasn't even funny. I don't remember that day very well but think they must of gotten me to go away from the window. This window had a lock on it and I wanted it open the next day but no one allowed it. I thought that was wierd at the time.

The next night, I once again couldn't sleep at all, in this new room I was scared. I saw these lights casting shadows on the walls and one in which was making a movie on my wall black and white, it was showing me things like the twin towers burning and other things in history that took place already. It showed a huge nuclear bomb going off and even a face of a living alien. I then looked out my window and there appeared a helicopter, then I thought the government was experimenting on me. I opened the door to my room and looked down this hallway and saw other rooms with people sleeping in them. I thought I was on a gameshow or something because on peoples doors it read 3 points 4 points and so on. Some lady that I don't remember what she looked like told me to go back to my room. I told her I couldn't sleep and she gave me a pill and water.

The next day, I don't recall what I did all day, I don't remember eating, using the rest room, taking a shower and it was my birthday. All I remember is my two sisters my Dad, and I playing yatzee for a couple hours. When they left I felt like a wondering zombie and kept trying to still stair out the window. That whole week was like a blurr, because I woke up strapped down to this gurney every so often. One day I was stairing out the window and at the trees in the wind. I saw the head of an Indian and then I saw the head of the devil. I thought God was trying to tell me something about my jackpot I won from the Indians. To this day I remember hallucinating that but felt that it was a real experience.

Then there was a day I thought I was God and could walk through walls. I took off all my clothes and thought I was invisable to the naked eye. Boy I was wrong when I turned around next to the locked door to my escape. Ten people were staring at me and I felt imbarrased and quickly ran to my room. I was then strapped down on the gurney once again but naked, with a towel on my private part. When I was being strapped down, I thought I was still God even tho I wasn't, I probably Iooked like a beaten naked guy on a gurney, not a cross like I thought it was to my mind. I thought I was going to be crusified the next day lol... I can laugh at myself now in knowing what I was thinking was wrong.

I also thought I was Albert Einstein, because I thought I knew the meaning of pie, like I was the first to discover it. But my math always sucked in school and I thought the big bang theory was correct, because I thought what our earth could been at one time was a sun. I thought when a sun die's out, it turns into a planet without life at first, but the core will still be hot like the core of our earth. There will be a type of crust when the sun dies out, I didn't think the sun would last for ever and believed in the far future earth will starve from sunlight. My mind thought of so many possibilities of revolution and there is only one answer but I don't think I'll know till the day I die. I now take medication and don't think like I did when I was schizoaffected.

Thanks for reading Nick from Wisconsin
nschanen nschanen 26-30, M 2 Responses Nov 27, 2012

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Yeah, schizoaffective disorder is really hard to talk about but felt that the story was interesting. When your out of your right mind and you start to remember what you did, it's like putting a puzzle together. I just remembered enother thing I did all the time. I would urinate in my room for what reason, I don't know, but I was afraid of people and it was like I thought I was trapped in my room but I actually wasn't.

hey nick, i just want to say thanks for being so bold and posting ur story online. most ppl aren't that brave. msg me sometime if u want.