Darkness So Unkind

Let me start off by saying that I am not diagnosed. I'm not even sure if I have schizophrenia. I'm kind of hoping I could get some feedback on that point if anyone could help. Thanks<3
My memories from my childhood are very few and fuzzy. However most of my memories are of things that I am assured never happened. I remember as a kid using a stick as a wand and actually causing small reactions. Of course its impossible, but it makes
me wonder if it might have been hallucinations or something.
But to fast forward to more recently, I often see shapes, figures, in the dark. Sometimes out the corner of my eye, and sometimes I see things move in front of my very eyes that obviously cannot be moving. I also hear what sounds like very loud whispering right in my ear. This voice has called my name, said it loved me, as well as made unintelligible noises. I have felt what feels like bugs crawling on me when nothing is touching me. I often am very paranoid and afraid, and become afraid of my own thoughts. I also have an irrational idea that people can see me or read my mind. I often avoid thinking certain things around certain people that I don't want them to know, or I'll try to "turn off the link in my mind" or mentally build a brick wall around myself so no one can see me or hear my thoughts. Sometimes I also think that everyone in my life knows everything about me and pretends not to, and maybe one day will reveal it, like I'm on a show like Punked. I have phases of feelings of emptiness and very strong emotions. I cut, during either of these extremes.
If anyone has any advice or comme ts, I'd be very happy to hear them. Thank you so much<3
eternalmusing eternalmusing
18-21, F
11 Responses Jun 6, 2011

youtube dot com/watch?v=sMBJgg7ZjfY

I have schizophrenia too. Get to a doctor soon. And anyone with it, do play around with it and often with the disease think they would not take their medications for it or you would not be comfortable. One symptom is not taking care of you self. Like showering, brushing your hair and teeth. Not eating. You'll pick up habits thats you don't think of. Like drinking to much water and peeing alot. I peed alot when i had it happen. And I paniced alot with the conditions of paraniod. And having the symptoms of not trusting people. The voices i had was teaching people was not like I thought they would. And thinking that I would starve myself. I was canatanic for a while. I was not moving, eating, showering, talking, I was doing nothing. I had a lot of stories going on in my head that was not real, but it was convincing. Like the voices said that Pop was Beer because it was brew. But I know better that pop is pressured cooked in a strong metal machine for the carbonation water.<br />
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Alot of things happen in schizophrenia and shows up at early age. But mostly starts in the 25 years of age in women. Men get it in age of 18. There is a lot of informations on the internet about, even in Wikiepida.

Hello. Im not diganosted with shizophrenia, But i also believe i have it. I have been to the mental health department a couple times, but was scared to tell them my symothoms. Still today im scared that maybe people read my mind. I do hear wishpering, Saying things i cant understand to very disturbing things, Those things had me conviced that people really didnt love me and were using me. I've only had one experience where i saw a hole in the floor. Adn spiders. It was horrible. I still dont know wheather to tell people. I just wanted you to know i can deffintly relate to you. & Your not alone.

i don't know most schitsose have a vioce talking to them this soundes more like your bipoler

Hey there...im undiagnosed and have been dealing with similar experiences for 14 years.. i am going to see a doctor...i will post how it goes :) good luck

It could be schizophrenia. If you had just one or two of those problems you wrote about it would seem<br />
something is a little 'off' but the fact you have so many together is a reason you should get checked out by a professional. I have had paranoid schizophrenia for thirty years and though I'm no expert I have had friends who have schizophrenia , and lived and worked with people who have it , but actually I learned more from reading about it . But I do know that a lot of people with schizophrenia have as symptoms the problems you wrote about. You should get some kind of help because left untreated schizophrenia gets worse and the sooner you get treated for it ( if you even have it ) the better the prognosis. Early treatment is the key. By the way , life goes on after being diagnosed , <br />
it's not the end. Have you told your parents about your problems ? They would be able to help <br />
you right ? Having schizophrenia is hard but it is treatable and you can still live a full productive life<br />
despite the disease.

Yes, I really like the way you phrased it. Thank you for that

Also I am schizophrenic, and it sounds like you may have schizophrenia.....I'd definitely see a psychologist/psychiatrist.

Also I am schizophrenic, and it sounds like you may have schizophrenia.....I'd definitely see a psychologist/psychiatrist.

I know what you mean about feeling "punked"...it's like everyone knows your thoughts and lifestyle and on the outside they just pretend to not know, but one day they will be like "hey i know your private thoughts."......that whole time they knew..<br />
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i know what you are talking about, it feels like we all have one spiritual mind and everyone knows what each other is thinking and planning on doing....but really people are worried about their lifestyles and no-one can read our thoughts...

Okay, thank you for that. I think my mom may have had a mild case, but she hates talking about it.

youtube dot com/watch?v=sMBJgg7ZjfY