Darkness So UnkindLet me start off by saying that I am not diagnosed. I'm not even sure if I have schizophrenia. I'm kind of hoping I could get some feedback on that point if anyone could help. Thanks<3
My memories from my childhood are very few and fuzzy. However most of my memories are of things that I am assured never happened. I remember as a kid using a stick as a wand and actually causing small reactions. Of course its impossible, but it makes
me wonder if it might have been hallucinations or something.
But to fast forward to more recently, I often see shapes, figures, in the dark. Sometimes out the corner of my eye, and sometimes I see things move in front of my very eyes that obviously cannot be moving. I also hear what sounds like very loud whispering right in my ear. This voice has called my name, said it loved me, as well as made unintelligible noises. I have felt what feels like bugs crawling on me when nothing is touching me. I often am very paranoid and afraid, and become afraid of my own thoughts. I also have an irrational idea that people can see me or read my mind. I often avoid thinking certain things around certain people that I don't want them to know, or I'll try to "turn off the link in my mind" or mentally build a brick wall around myself so no one can see me or hear my thoughts. Sometimes I also think that everyone in my life knows everything about me and pretends not to, and maybe one day will reveal it, like I'm on a show like Punked. I have phases of feelings of emptiness and very strong emotions. I cut, during either of these extremes.
If anyone has any advice or comme ts, I'd be very happy to hear them. Thank you so much<3