On The Recovery Road

I am a 27 years old. At 14 I began hearing voices and thinking the pictures of people where you can see their eyes and mirrors watch you. I had bouts of paranoia and thought people were out to get me. It took years, then finally in 2007 I got help and in 2010 I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I now have hope for my future. I am going back to school and hope to become a therapist and work with the VA.
insanepoet84 insanepoet84 26-30, F 2 Responses Jul 15, 2012

Your Response


I wish you the best. I have a feeling you will (and already have) definitely made a positive impact in this world.

I too have been diagnosed with paranoid schizoaffective. In contrast to yours, mine was late onset but I had developed PTSD after the Gulf War and PTSD causes vigilance.

The US Veterans Affairs is my major health care provider. In fact, I am applying for "service-connected" disability. Mind if I ask you for a favor while I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

Please do not forget that each schizophrenic is an individual. Although there are similar containers, such as "hallucinations, the shape of those containers are different. While the color might be the same, the media is vastly different as well. Each mentally ill person has experiences and knowledge that drive their psychosis. For some, it my be a visual of an event while driving. Although another schizophrenic might be sitting next to him or her, that schizophrenic will not visualize the same event exactly in majority of cases. In fact, each will probably see something unique. It is perception and perception is such a powerful force in schizophrenic thought. That is my perception of schizophrenia. Mine is derived from my own experiences and from chatting with other schizophrenics.

By the way, I have two degrees: chemical engineering and biological sciences and I am applying for disability. The latter made me very suicidal, which is not rare. I have read a medical journal article from World-wide experts and schizophrenic suicide and relapse rate is correlated to suicide attempts and completion among schizophrenics. Furthermore, some schizophrenics will commit if they fall a second time. Yes, there is a stigma about suicide as well and nobody wants to talk about it. With that said, it is good to know the flags and statistical relationships. I know it has kept me alive. For example, I schizophrenic will often choose a final rescuer, call that person, attempt to get help, and then quietly withdraw before committing. During my suicidal moments, I have noticed that I do this. Sadly, nobody can really help us in our darkest of moments. What they can do is talk to us but that might not be helpful either. In contrast, a physical interaction can literally stop a suicidal process but many do not benefit from such friendship or familial relationships. Also, the schizophrenic will often emotionally withdraw and the family or friend might believe per is calming when, in fact, per is the most suicidal. For this reason, I try to make the Emergency Room my final rescuer.

Well, you desire to be a counselor! I am going to supply a journal article that the World experts believe all medical professionals should familiarize themselves. Be warned, I found the 22 pages to be quite depressing, which is often the case between gaining insight and being schizophrenic.


Pompili, Maurizio Suicide risk in schizophrenia: learning from the past to change the future. Ann Gen Psychiatry[online]. 2007. vol. 6(10). Available from: [] PMCID: PMC1845151. doi: 10.1186/1744-859x-6-10


Fiedorowicz, Jess G., MD, MS; Leon, Andrew C;, PhD; Keller, Martin B., MD; Solomon, David A., MD; Rice, John P., PhD; Coryell, William H. MD. Do Risk Factors for Suicidal Behavior Differ by Affective Disorder Polarity? Psycho Med.[online] 2009. vol. 39(5). pp. 763-771. Available from: />

Dumais, A., B.Sc.; Lesage, A.D., M.D, M.Phil.; Alda, M., M.D; Rouleau, G., M.D., PhD; Dumont, M., R.N.; Chawky, N., M.Ps.; Roy, M., M.D; Mann, J.J., M.D; Benekelfat, C. M.D; Turecki, Gustavo, Turecki, M.D., PhD. Risk Factors for Suicide Completion in Major Depression: A Case-Control Study of Impulsive and Aggressive Behaviors in Men. The American Journal of Psychiatry [online]. 2005, vol.162(11) pp. 2116-2124. Avialable from: Am. J Psychiatry, . doi: 10.1176/appi.ajp.162.11.2116.

Stein, Dan J.; Chiu, Wai Tat; Hwang, Irving; Kessler, Ronald C; Sampson, Nancy; Alonso, Jordi; Borges, Guilherme; Bromet, Evelyn; Bruffaerts, Ronny; Girolamo, Giovanni de; Florescu, Silvia; Gureje, Oye; He, Yanling; Kovess-Masfety, Viviane; Levinson, Daphna; Matscinger, Herbert; Mneimneh, Zeina; Nakamura, Yosikazu; Ormel, Johan; Posada-Villa, Jose; Sagar, Rajesh; Scott, Kate M.; Tomov, Toma; Viana Carmen, Maria; Williams, David R.; Nock, Mathew K. Cross National Analysis of Associations between Traumatic Events and Suicidal Behavior: Findings from the WHO World Health Surveys. PloS one[online]. May 13, 2010. Available from: