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Concrete Thinking: An Elusive And Silently Destructive Force

Hello,

"A rolling stone gathers no moss." "When the cat is away, the mice will play."

After taking my psychological testing, I met with the psychologist after her evaluation of the test results. The psychologist informed me that my IQ had decreased, my abstract thinking had decreased, and my concrete thinking had increased since my last testing. She also said I have a problem with "concrete thinking".

Although I had an idea what concrete thinking is, I did not, until recently, realize the damage that I believe it has done to my life. Some schizophrenics have very severe concrete thinking and it appears to be more common among process schizophrenics than reactive schizophrenics [1]. Still, reactive schizophrenics might experience concrete thinking as well. Although I believe stress precipitated my schizophrenia, I believe it is progressively getting worse as well.In fact, I know my negative symptoms are worse because I, in truth, suffer horrible from anhedonia, avoiltion, asocial, etc. As such, I am kind of a cross between a reactive and a process schizophrenic. In addition, concrete thinking seems to be more severe in chronic schizophrenics. My concrete thinking is not as severe as some but it is a horrific passive/aggressive force in my life and I believe it has been a major destructive force in my life.

My concrete thinking exacerbates my experiences with delusion of reference. I personally believe the mild but persistent concrete thinking is the force (glue) that allows my delusions of reference to by strung together into a thread and then a fabric of a story. In the past, I never realized the destructive power of the passive force. By passive, I mean subtle. By aggressive, see above, I mean its omnipresent destructive effect in my life. It is the concrete thinking that allowed gang stalking and neuro-lingusitic programming to continue in every aspect of my life. Once cemented, the statistical relationship of seeing delusions of reference during a trip would magnify the gang stalking effect significantly [3]. I "knew" the person gang stalking at the store near the bread and pushing the grocery cart that almost bumped into me was related to the neighbor that I saw after the store and near my apartment driving their car that was just slightly in my lane and traveling in the opposite direction. What was the color of the car and how did it relate to the clothing of the person at the store? Yes, my chemical engineering thought process, which is called process thinking, was being used against me. Was it really gang stalking? Could it be a combination?

After all, a senior employee relations manager from the corporation that I blew the whistle on for illegal activity admitted that I had been "harassed" in my past community. You see, I believed the same people had used the internet and cell phones to connect with people in other communities to gang stalk me through "network laundering". After all, people would make odd comments out of the blue related to pharmaceutical manufacturing. For example, they would say: "I think it is fine to manufacture a drug to murder children!" I was a chemical engineer on an antibiotic process where 850 kilograms was produced. That would serve a population of people, children included, near 300,000. The corporation had also had much trouble with the FDA. Also, the corporation is listed in an academic book called "Corporate Crime" as a company that continuously engages in unethical and illegal practices. Finally, an executive from the corporation was caught by the US Government after sending an email asking to have Jay Hancock of the Baltimore-sun beaten by the Philly mob. In other words, there were people at the corporation that might know nefarious people in other locations. This was the cohesive force that fueled my concrete thinking and paranoid thoughts. It also perpetuated the whole gang stalking ideology. Later, I learned that my experiences were similar to neuro-linguistic programming but in a negative sense [3].

No, my experiences are probably a combination of mental illness and life experiences. After all, my clinical team call them "reality based" delusions. In turn, the concrete thinking that I was being retaliated against was the cohesive force between the delusions of reference that allowed the allegorical story of gang stalking to develop. It is the latter that caused me much angst with hotel managers, apartment managers, store managers, "corrupt" police officers, physicians, ex-wife, brothers, friends, and total strangers. The only people that I "learned" to trust were my brothers, my uncle, an organic chemistry professor and friend, and a chemical engineering professor and friend. Still, I had, at one time, engaged each with respect to my experiences and our relationship has been strained. Nope, the relationship will never be the same.

You see, the concrete thinking is an odd passive/aggressive force that is always there. It is as if it is directly connected to my optic nerve and appending information with a prion of a thought process. I say prion because it is an odd force that is a bit difficult to describe but yet so destructive and elemental that I cannot shake it. I cannot watch TV, listen to the radio, or go to the movies because of the concrete thinking that is always in the background in a lurking and subtle stance. In fact, I have called it "negative association" as well. Why? It is as if my mind immediately appends all negative possibilities to a sound, sight, or combination thereof without my will. I have often wondered if it is the sub conscious but it isn't because I can recognize the thought process now. Still, I cannot control it. Rather, it is like an opaque filter that becomes amorphous with information. Yes, I said amorphous. Why? As the statistical possibilities increase, interaction with people, sounds, sights, or combination, the allegory "strengthens". As an example, an advertisement about medicine or health will immediately remind me of my resignation from podiatric medical school where I was a top 24 student. To make matters worse, other senses get involved as well. I literally feel angst ridden and it was, at first, hard to explain to a "normal". Now, I have a few examples. Please forgive my momentary digression:

Have you ever gone to the carnival and rode the open merry-go-round type of ride that holds you against the wall? Although you can attempt to crawl to the center, it takes all will and strength. Do you remember how the acceleration felt? I get that feeling all over my body during negative association and other times. In truth, I have weird somatic sensations now anyhow. Still, the anxiety literally manifests itself into a somatic sensation. To remind yourself of the sensation, use your strongest hand to grab above the wrist of the weakest, proximal the body, and squeeze. That is the feeling that I feel throughout my body but it is not homogeneous. Rather, the sensation is stronger in some areas versus another. Anyhow, I get these sensations pretty commonly now and the US Veterans Affairs believe I probably have the Gulf War Syndrome. If you would like another real life example, look up somatization disorder as well.

Anyhow, the somatosensory sensations and the thought process of concrete thinking is intellectually elusive. Remember, I did not have these sensations, sensory, until I was about 36 years old. In other words, I didn't grow up with them. As such, I discussed them with past physicians but they just blew it off. They never even told me about the Gulf War Syndrome connection or somatization disorder. Although I thought it could be medical, I also wondered if someone could be using an electromagnetic weapon to induce sensations. In fact, the latter is possible in reality. When combined with my delusions of reference, gang stalking fears, concrete thinking, etc, the constant somatosensory stimulation made me believe someone was "poking" at me from a distance. Yes, the constant stimulation was a type of "power of suggestion" that, along with concrete thinking and process knowns, convinced the mind that it was correct in analysis and people were after the person [3]. As you might be able to imagine, the latter caused much stress. In fact, I have suffered from chronic stress since 2001 [2]. I could never relax. Even when I went on vacations, I could not enjoy them.

Eventually, my beliefs and experiences caused me to divorce the woman I love, become disowned by a brother that I cherish, loose my career as a chemical engineer, and live a complete life of isolation. Yes, I am still affected. Although I have admitted that I "probably" have a mental illness and I have been diagnosed as chronic schizoaffective, I am still affected by the evasive thought process. Interestingly, I believe the engineering thought process and concrete thinking are somewhat similar. If I think about my experiences, I believe my concrete thinking and paranoia stretches back to my chemical engineering college days. For example, I believed, at one time, that my younger college peers, I was older since I joined the military first, where making fun of me. In other words, I believed I, as an older outsider, was a comic pin cushion for my younger peers. I believe I developed the latter fear because of a frat party that I attended where a younger female approached me and commented on my old age. She asked why such an old man was attending a college party. Although I was only 25, her comment made me feel quite old. I believe my concrete thinking was extremely subtle during that period but still present. I believe the concrete thinking and paranoia, may have been due to combat PTSD as well, caused me to project the younger females opinion onto my chemical engineering peers. At the time, I was very confident in my analytical thought process and "intuition". In fact, a chemical engineer has to be and I kept this "confidence" throughout my illness and until MArch 2012. I was certain people were sabotaging my career. Please remember that I did have some odd experiences that were real as well. As an example, a Kelly Engineering recruiter was quite rude to me, thought he hung up the phone, and then bragged about giving that whistleblower a hard time. The latter is a true situation. How did experiences in my life exacerbate the situation? I just went to an apartment complex party and there was a "Scott" at the party who acted a bit oddly. Also, an old high school friend had made a comment about a "Scott" guy during a visit one time. Although the incidents were over a different time frame, my mind glued them together in an amorphous way. To me, it was as clear as day! People had networked to murder me. What was the glue that held them together? Well, I believed a national criminal enterprise was collaborating with ex-coworkers to ruin my life, run me out of money, and force my death by suicide. Yes, my real life whistleblower experiences were complicated by my mental illness. Still, I did have real life experiences. As I mentioned, my physicians call it "reality based" delusions.

In a nutshell, the concrete thought process and other symptoms of schizophrenia are like a cross between single-bubble sonoluminescence and crystal nucleation. Initially, my whistleblower experience, which is quite real, was a nucleation site that allowed a crystal to grow and disrupt my entire thought process. It is as if my brain had literally crystalized. In truth, the latter is understandable since the entropy changed in my life. In other words, the clarity and beauty of the crystal, when considering a desire to control entropy, was a bit elusive. Once I "accepted" that I have a mental illness, the crystal relaxed but single-bubble sonoluminescense took over. The latter is a single bubble that, because of sound, will expand and collapse rapidly. During the contraction, the temperature of the bubble reaches that of plasma. If I remember correctly, the temperature can reach a range between 5,000K and 10,000K. In other words, I have not fully tamed this beast called schizophrenia and the cognitive symptom of concrete thinking with reduction of abstract thought [1]. If I am not careful, it will cause me great angst. As a worse case scenario, I could go homeless. In truth, I do not believe I will survive as a homeless person and I will probably die by suicide instead. Obviously, my reduction of abstract thinking complicates matters as well. Finally, my combat PTSD, something I never expected to have since I come from a "tough family", causes an inability to control fear. Although I have other symptoms from schizophrenia, combat PTSD, Gulf War Syndrome, bipolar I, and major depression, I am especially concerned about the concrete thinking because it is so subtle, omnipresent, always on, and destructive in my opinion. Still, there is very little research information [1] and it appears that most occurred years ago. When considering concrete thinking, it is as if a neurological filter has gone awry. In fact, I wonder at times if a schizophrenic's mind actually switched connections midstream of life. I know that chronic stress can destroy the hippocampus and increase density in other areas [2]. In the references below, I provide a link to the gang stalking video that almost perfectly describes my delusion of reference experiences [3]. Sadly, it is constant anytime I listen to the radio, watch TV, go outside to the store, go to the movies, or talk to some friends.

"I am going to hit the sac!" Yes, some people are worse than me with concrete thinking but mine has become progressively worse. I wonder which is worse? One form that is quite destructive to the thought process and blatantly hinders success, or another form that suddenly becomes known after it destroys relationships secretly along the way. I believe that any schizophrenic will agree that all forms are destructive. By the way, I have heard that autistic people also suffer from concrete thinking as well.



References:

[1] Harrow, Martin PhD; Alder, David MD; Hanf Edif MSW. Abstract and Concrete Thinking in Schizophrenia During the Prechronic Phases, 1974. Arch Gen Psychiatry[online]. July 2012. vol. 31(1). pp. 27-33. Available from: http://archpsyc.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=491163 doi:10.1001/archpsyc.1974.01760130013002

[2] McEwen, Bruce S.; Gianaros, Peter J. Central role of the brain in stress and adaptation: Links to socioeconomic status, health, and disease. Ann NY Acad Sci.[online]. 2010. vol. 1186. pp. 190-222. Available from: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2864527/?tool=pmcentrez

[3] organizedstalking3. Organized Gang Stalking and Mind Control. youtube.com. 2010. Available from: http://youtu.be/BJyugQX9GdE

-I have experienced all. If nothing else, please watch the example on NLP:09:30, excellent example.
CBH9 CBH9 41-45 Jul 19, 2012

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