Story Of Noiseless (the Rough Not So Well Written First Story)

I am a girl, 19 my name is Melissa. I have schizophreniaI havnt always been soundless, and I do speak. Not to very many people but enough to enjoy life and a good conversation once in awhile. I am shy and I have alway been that way. I like reading fantasy books, painting, and being outside and having fun. I have drama like any other young girl I am in college for psychology.I joined this website to make friends, but more importantly to give myself a "soundless" voice on this website. to express myself and say what I cant in real life...which is a whole lot. I hear people, have hallucinations, delusions, and have such a bad memory. But thats not the only reason im here to write. I want people to know who I am and I want to let things out. Sometimes its hard to deal with the constant pull SZ creates. I want to let it all out, but I dont know anyone who will understand. Im here to tell my story. Im not sure how to start my first story out, without sounding like an outline of myself. I grew up in a town with nothing going on and had three friends my whole life. I went to school all my life in that town and no one there ever seemed to be different from one another and nothing ever happend ever there. I have seen people since I was young. when my parents wrote it off as my imagination I didnt say anything, being so little I guess i was confused. Until my parents got fedup with my screaming and fear from this "imaginary enemy" they told me to grow up and stop believing in childish things. But how do you stop believing in things you see so clearly and life like. So is stopped telling them I saw people or heard people, I learned to hide it. hide it well if I do say so myself. I kept my distance and felt I couldnt trust my parents if they didnt believe me. Once things got to bad I finally sought out help. When I was diagnosed with SZ i didnt tell anyone not for awhile. When I finally didnt I ofcourse, couldnt say it outloud. I wrote my parents note. Stuck it in my mothers purse and waiting for her to find it. When she did my father cried he asked if it was his fault. My father also is mentally ill but my knowldege of his illnesses is very little. My mother, she never said a word to me after she found the note. maybe she didnt know what to say. She ofcourse has been the most supportive about my disorder since finding out though. being slow and helpful with me. My dad he keeps thinking a miracle is going to cure me. He pushes me to do things when I cant. Now being fully aware of my illness or as aware as I can get right now. Im ready to let it out. I dont think everything I say is going to be about SZ. that is to boring and my life is much much more then SZ but as for me being so quiet....well that started in first grade. thats a whole other story tho.
noiseless noiseless
18-21, F
7 Responses Sep 6, 2012

Thanks for sharing hope you get some comfort here. I love to be here for everyone ..if you ever need to talk about anything say Hi!

Thank you for sharing. I really like your story-telling. I guess the way you think helps to calm you down from the constant firing within the mind. Enjoy your journey!

Parents are people, often not as well adjusted as we may think as children. They have to deal with the guilt of mistakes made raising their children. Your parents made a big mistake by not recognizing your SZ when you were little. Understand they didn't do it because they were bad parents. They clearly love you, and would have done everything possible if they had only known.
You seem extremely smart. That will help you a lot.

yeah I know they idnt recognize it, BUT I mean if my child was scared alot and I didnt know what SZ was, I dont think my first thoughts would have been...SZ, who knows. I dont hate them for it. they didnt mean to.

Hopefully you find the support you need :) and enjoy your life to the fullest

Nothing wrong with being noiseless. I try not to talk as much as possible because unless I'm angry, I'm so quiet people can't even understand me. I have to constantly repeat myself.. which is very annoying. EP is a good place to find your voice. No miracle is going to cure what's wrong. Surround yourself with people who understand, and take things one day at a time. :)

thank you!

Anytime, my friend.^^

I love EP and I think it will be very good for you cause it really helps me. My counselor said to write stuff down or do a blog or something creative like that and it would help me when I'm dealing with difficult stuff. I have put up some stories and a couple blogs. Its really good for clearing your mind when theres too much going on. Oh and you'll find alot of people on here that relate to you, I know I did. Hope you have fun and make friends too!

thank you :) your reply and kindness means alot

Its good that you found a place to finally let out all those things that were bothering you. Whenever you need a friend to voice yourself, you can come to me. I want to hear your voice.

thanks tori1332 that means alot to me. I too want to hear others voices. and hear there awesome stories.