Can We Go Somewhere... Alone?

I'm just going to say it like it is. I have DID. As does my friend 'IndigoRue'. I'm constantly battling myself, and I take emotions x7 I have a disorder, but it isn't one that can be solved with a perscription.


I was recently called into the principal's office for a talk. Now, mind you Kiara is a teacher's pet, and so Mr. Principal loves me. He told me "you've been acting a bit strange this year." Blah bla blah.... "I want you to know that everybody makes mistakes..." blah blah blah "and you shouldn't be putting too muc pressure on yourself." STOP. I shouldn't be putting "too much pressure" on myself? I'm not the one! I can't stop it! Kiara thinks I'm not smart enough, Brielle always wants to punch somebody, Dana can't help but play the piano, Ashley spends too much time on the computer, Luce only wants to "sleep", and Max gets me in trouble!

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Now don't worry, I won't be going anywhere any time soon. (Although I'm almost positive Mr. Principal has me on 'Suicide Watch'.)

Sometimes I wish, that I had friends with me, where I could feel their presence. Not Max, Kiara, Katalina, Brielle, or any of my other firends. I want to talk to Matty, and Edward. I just want to have a person there to comfort me.

~Emma
Lucerna Lucerna
13-15, F
2 Responses Sep 9, 2012

Write a book, that is your calling. I think you are awesome And inspirational

Are you aware of which person is present at the time?

Not quite. It's late, so I'm more of a jumble of subconcious thoughts. I don't have any acute thoughts, which tells me that most of me is "asleep". When part of me is inactive. I'm not sure how that works but... Yeah. Usually during Algebra, Kiara takes charge, in History, Emma makes Hetalia jokes, Ashley writes essays best, each has a different talent. But "I" am always conciously aware of who is present, and I let them do it.

So let me ask you this... do you actually want them to go away?

I know in my case (I'm schizophrenic) my voices keep me from being lonely sometimes. I mean yeah I sometimes wish I had more "real" people around but I know I can always count on my voices being there in some way, so I don't really want them to go away completely (I actually fear losing them completely). They used to be really out of hand though, I couldn't hear much other than them and I didn't know which thoughts were mine, but now I'm on medication that calmed them down and made them quieter. Now I can ignore them when I need.

Do you know for sure you have DID?

I haven't been legally diagnosed with DID, but this is the only answer any of us can come to. I don't actually want them to go away. I suppose that I should embrace them rather than shun them. After all, they've gotten me this far. Well, as far as an 8th grader can go.

Have you looked in to symptoms of schizophrenia? I mean I'm no doctor but you could at least look in to the symptoms. I'm not saying you have to embrace them or that you "should" I was just giving you something to think about. But it does sound like they are causing you problems at times, you may want to consider techniques to at least manage them so they don't interrupt your life so much. Let me know if you need any help brainstorming. I think it is impressive you that you are so self aware in knowing you have different people in you head, it took me a long time to realize I do.

^-^ thanks! And, it took me a while to realize "hey, I probbly have DID". But I've always known that there were multiple sides to me. I thought that everyone was like this, or thaat I jest had mood swings. Anyway, I'm gonna go read up on different techniques!

No problem! Let me know if you need help brainstorming, I am pretty decent at coming up with ideas for this kind of stuff. :)

I hate to break it to you, but that isn't DID. Disociative identitys don't 'associate' and you would be completely unaware of your different 'sides'

Agreed. It's schizophrenia. I did some research a while ago, and discovered that I had categorized it incorrectly.

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