Daytime Hallucinations

when i turned 15 i started hearing voices and seeing visual hallucinations. before these symptoms came on i had severe depression and social phobia as well as generalized anxiety. i lost all my freinds because i began isolating my self and not talking to people. i was trapped inside my mind with these horrible dilusional thoughts. the voices were telling me to kill my self, electrocute myself, hurt my self in many different ways. the voices also told me lies about my self saying i was fat. that everyone was dissapointed in me and most people on the street knew that i was evil and hated me. i would notice someone looking at me and i would come up with ridiculas reasons as to why. i would think he was apart of a governemntal agency that was trying to scare me into killing myself. i thought they didn't want me to tell anyone their secrets about how they brain wash people with telivision. that summer i attempted to kill myslef and was sent to the hospital for three days. i was started on welbutrin and risperdone, then later on clanapen and zoloft. i wads able to finish my junior year at high school because of the medication. i'm now 18 and i'm working on getting my GED.
yesterday i overdosed on my medication to try and kill myself,this was my fifth attempt. the voices arent too bad anymore because of my new medicine, serequil and lorazapam. i survived this attempt and won't try overdosing anymore. that doesnt seem to work. i am planning my next move and suicide when i get the recourses i need. this life isn't for me. i hate myself, im scared of every thing and everyone. i feel i've lost my innocents that you are born with and that i hjave let everyone who cares about me down. i wish i was never born si i don;t have to kill myself, but i was.
richard079 richard079
18-21, M
5 Responses Feb 10, 2013

People*, meds*, (i type too fast and dont read what i type, sorry!)

Please do not kill yourself i promise it will get better. You matter to peopl i promise. Just keep taking your meda And find a coaping skill. Praying for you

I am often ridiculed for being religious, but I will be praying for you anyway. You do not have to listen to those voices and you certainly do not have to carry out the actions they want you to. I have been hearing things ever since I can remember, but didn't start seeing things until I was 17. I tried to stab my brother and then I got mad and cut myself so I was hospitalized. God has been helping me. No, it hasn't gone away completely and I know there is a reason for that. I just don't know what though. Please, hang in there. Try your best.

Also, having an illness, whether mental or physical, is not your fault. You have not let anyone down. :)

It is very important to realize that when you are off your meds or having a bad spell, you are not thinking clearly. Therefore it is a very bad idea to make any major decisions. You should go to your doctor, stick with your doctor and your treatment and meds and then you will feel better and won't have to go through so much mess. Good luck to you.