A Little About Me

i seem to be looking for someone who fits me, other people think they know who that someone is, but in truth they dont know, neither do i, mistakes ive made in my past, that few people actually know about, keep me alone, because as soon as anyone finds out their image of me is completely different, and i dare them to say different, life truly is about choices, i made a very bad one, and i am going to live with the consequences of that choice my entire life. i may never find someone to accept me for who i am, and what my past has made me.

a few things i am willing to share about my past...
when i was about 7 my mothers boyfriend tracy, molested me, i blocked that memory until i was placed in the care of the sharpe hospital in weston. where i recovered that memory, and it severly messed with my life.
i tried to kill myself.
my mother, when i was sixteen got involved with my anger therepist, as a result i have a mixed brother named Daniel, i love that boy so much, and i see myself in him all the time, he is so smart, yet so angry and i know the cause of the anger, he feels that his real father didnt want him, and when his adopted father had a son of his own, he was placed on the back burner.... not quite the same as what happened to me, but similar, my Father left in a mutal divorce when i was 4, i thought and still think he doesent love me..
but back to age 16, mom had also gotten with her current husband will, and they found a house in st albans, my mother told me that they were moving and there was no room for me, i was crushed.... up til then i had been a mommas boy, thought my mom could do no wrong..... but anyway, i left home and my school and friends, my aunt and uncle took me in, they adopted me as their own, and for the first time i felt like i was a member of a family, true i was the weird one, but no one judged me cause of my weirdness.

at 18 i quit school, due to advice of one Tim McCormick, who at a later date i would finally have enough of his bullshit, i moved in with my grandma martin, and then my grandma williams..... i lost my license due to my choice to have spray paint in my bookbag, but anyways... i got married to ashley dustin, had some issues with cps cause the hospital had the gall to think that just because we were weird we were bad parents, up until we lost custody, as several of you can attest i went hungry so that my wife and child could eat, when we lost custody over the house being dirty, and my daughter having a diaper rash, i spent a total of 1 year and six months in the regional jail, during which my wife asked for a divorce, the reason she gave me was cause she had been sleeping with alot of people,.... the worst part of this, i found out my life was being torn apart on my birthday.

i got out and i did my stupid choice, which cost me a friend, and a home, but two friends came to my aid, Deb Sharp, and Carrie McDilda, they took me in and helped me get on my feet, after a while deb got with a guy, and moved out of the apartment, and left it to me, i got a roomie named travis, got him a job, and he pretty much screwed me, around this time Tim had gotten in touch with me, and his mother was dying, now i loved Moni, and Don his late grandfather, so when he asked me to move in with him after she passed, i did it.... but something had changed in tim, more than ever he was controlling, and demanding, so when i found out about my medical issue with stress, and quit my stressful job, he kicked me out, and moved my belongings to a friends empty house in crosslanes, instead of where i needed them, that house was burgaled and i lost quite a bit of my belongings, not to mention the things of mine he kept out of spite....

i got my ged, and attended wvsu, met a good amount of people who i love and respect, but collage wasnt what i expected i was hoping for a place to debate ideas, and to talk about things, but instead i found a expensive highschool, which had nothing to teach me other than i was not meant for collage.

so now i am living back on cambells creek, 12 years later, with no job, and no love life, few friends who come to visit, save for james who lives down the road, and in a few months ill be in this house alone.... after all this, i truly dont know who i am.
thedeadone thedeadone
26-30
May 22, 2012