Secret Scoliosis

I began to notice that something was different about me when i reached 13.
I began to see my body changing and could not understand why i did not look the same as the other girls.

I remember standing in front of my bedroom mirror one day and looking at my waist line.
One straight line, one curved.
I was lop sided.
I grabbed a belt from my wardrobe and tied it around my waist as tight as i could and i pulled. I just wanted to be straight again.
It did not work.
When i wanted to wear the same clothes as the other girls i would try them on and stuff a pair of socks in the void above my hip in an attempt to look like them.
It did not work.

There were no screenings for Scoliosis in my school, nobody had noticed something was different about me.
I was ashamed and concious and so I hid my Scoliosis.

I avoided tight clothes, i never wore a bikini, I never faced my naked back to anybody ...
I still dont do all of those things.

It was not until i reached my eary 20's that i plucked up the courage to see my doctor. This was after i randomly went onto the computer to find out if anybody could tell me what was wrong. Turned out my condition had a name and i wasnt alone.
This blew my mind.
All those years where i thought i was the only one!

However the trip to the doctors was something of an anti climax.
I entered the office, began to sob and took my top off to reveal the extent.
I was told nothing could be done and that was the end of it.

I went home unsure of how i was feeling.

Was not long after that trip that i did some more research and marched back to the doctors demanding to see a specialist ... He did not put up a fight and i was put on 'the list'

So a few months later i went to the specialists .... I had x rays and MRI scans ... sent packing and called up 6 months later.
I was concerned at first as not much was being mentioned and i had had no views of the xrays. However, he sent me for more and this time i requested copies.
He let me now that they were pretty expensive so he let me take some pictures of his computer screen.
All those years of living with it but actually seeing it ?? i cried. To know that something that should be straight looked so un straight!

Unfortunately the specialist told me the same thing as my gp.
I was experiencing pain the same as if i had a straight spine.
My pain will not go away and i should use pain killers / heat treatment
I am now too old to consider surgery and should just grin and bear it.

So ....
I have my good days and my bad days.
I do wish that i had known a long time ago what was happening to my body.
It has made me not take things for granted so much.
Although i do get annoyed when people complain about things they can change when i am stuck with something i cant :P

So now my spine will have to stay this way until it gets worse, which i have no doubt of.
In the last 6 months alone i have noticed changes.

Currently my spine is a 'balanced' S shape

But in this last year or two, knowing that i am not alone, i have found it easier to start accepting my body for how it is .......

Wont be breaking that bikini out anytime soon though!
LittleGirlLost1 LittleGirlLost1
26-30, F
Oct 31, 2010