Do I Have Seasonal Affective Disorder??


over the last year or so i have had ocd, long story. I never went to the doctors so I never got treatment. I just stuck with it, it affected the way I walked, restricted me from looking at stuff and caused me to touch the hot rings on the cooker repeatedly.

but last year around october i started getting moody, I was obsessed with Michael Jackson (still am) and I felt so sorry for myself. I thought about suicide everyday- it seemed the easy way out, if i could be bothered to do it. I dwelled on the tiny bad things that happened to me, like if a teacher gave me negative criticism or whatever. I hardly ate at school, pigged out at home, but lost weight. Ive always had problems waking up the morning but they got worse- I felt tired all the time but I didnt want to go to bed for reasons I cant understand or explain. My friend left for Zimbabwe, giving me one hour notice to say goodbye to me. She was my best friend but still managed to tell random people a week before me. One day i gave a spiteful remark to a girl in my class and I couldnt have felt worse if I had killed her. I slept on the sofa and became very unhygenic- sleeping in my school uniform. I got over it eventually but I was still thinking about it everyday. So I was basically depressed over the winter months.

Until last week when the sun appeared in the morning of early March. Later that day two boys I knew stole my bag and threw it around and my pepsi can broke and ruined my bag and school books. The pepsi was given to me by my dad, who may not be living with us much longer and all my private letters and notes and pictures were wet and stained. I went to my form room and had a good cry.

That day my dad called the school to see if I was ok (I told him what happened on text) and I was pulled out of class. After talking to him I stepped out of that reception into the sun and felt so different. A new me. I felt like whatever bad thing could happen to me I was cheerful and so happy happy happy. Surely enough, my school work deterioated a little, I nearly died being flung about by a trampoline (proving you dont need wings to fly) and my friends argued with me. But I was still happy. Ecstatic.

oneglove oneglove
13-15, F
1 Response Mar 7, 2010

wow i have s.a.d. too. in the winter. im depressed everyday. had such a hard time going to sleep without crying. my body was so tired but my head would never stop. and i would go to sleep late. and never be able to wake up. during the school year i was so tired of lack of sleep and depression that i started hallucinating im really not sure what that was. but i also started to deveolp a eating disorder. for some reason i would walk down the hallway and see the walls move. basically i went crazy. and this crazy stuff always happens in the winter. always depressed. and the stupid thing is i never had a HUGE reason. they were tiny reasons. anyways when spring came and summer now. im never depressed. ever. my greatest fear is winter. because i dont know if ill make it out alive. what the monster inside me will do next...