Sorry. My other experience in this topic had terrible grammar so I'm rewriting it.
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It all started during kindergarten. I didn't talk to anyone. Since everyone else was 4 or 5 (I was 3 bc my birthday's in October), they didn't question me. The teacher didn't force me to talk; she just asked me simple questions and told me that I would talk when I was ready. But that day never came. The older I got, the more my teachers expected me to talk.
I remember my parents getting a call from my school the summer before 4th grade. The person on the other line told them to put me in a school for retarded kids and for kids with mental illnesses. That was when we decided to put me in a public school. I talked at that school but I was still very quiet. It took me a while to actually talk to teachers and other students.
I got accepted into a program for smart students. I didn't think of it as much bc 30 other people in my grade got accepted. People at that school told that I was so quiet.
In 7th grade, I realized I wasn't like the other kids. They easily talked upon one another. They weren't nervous when presenting in front of the class. They weren't scared of what people thought about them. They didn't have panic attacks before they went in front of a huge group of people. So I did some research. I found out that I had selective mutism and social anxiety.
During middle school, I realized that nobody was really there for me. I wasn't part of any cliques bc I hate small talk. I had two friends but they had all of their other friends so I needed them more than they needed me. When I panicked, there was no one to calm me down. When I was down, there was no one to cheer me up. So I got depressed. I became suicidal. Nobody knew but me. I became super self conscious about everything about myself. But that's another story.
I still don't talk to family members except for my grandparents, parents, sister, 3/30 cousins, and 2/15 aunts and uncles. I have a huge family so it's not like I don't talk to 5 people. My parents just don't understand what I went/am going through. My mom called stupid and retarded bc I wouldn't talk to my aunt. My dad always grabs my arm really tightly and pulls me to the side to tell me that I'm being ridiculous and I need to start talking. They don't understand that I can't start talking out of the blue. My dad offered to buy some pills but that would mean that he gave up on me and is depending on pills to make me talk. I don't want that so I said no. I want to change how I act around people but I don't want to change me. I don't know what to do.
Thegirlwhonevertalks Thegirlwhonevertalks
16-17, F
3 Responses Aug 15, 2014

I have SM as well, but I overcame it by learning to reduce my anxiety. Counseling, learning to control my negative thoughts, and keeping a steady exercise routine along with a strong support of friends really helped me. Thanks for sharing your story

hello ! i have sm and i know how u feel. im hear if u need to speak about anything to do with sm. i wont judge and ill help u as much as i can.

Hi! I'm here if you need to talk! I've had selective mutism for as long as I can remember, but it does get better. I can talk to most people now, but family is still hard to talk to. Hope it gets better for you too!!

Thanks(: I stopped talking when I was in kindergarten and I'm in 9th grade now. It's really hard to just start talking when you haven't talked to people in 10-11 years