This World Is Killing Me...

I Have Always known I have Hyperactive Senses i hear that misquito tone the one only kids and teens can hear, and i start gagging blood and faint, i can't stand crowds and there screaming murmer, i can NOT handle butter in my mouth, pepper, extreame spices or sours, i cant handle meat (i puke it up for some reason or cough it up) i dislike cakes or twinkes. hell...i cant even drink water its either drinking baking soda or chemicals, pick your posion! i hate clothes that are to bulky or heavy or itchy or tags or touch my spine but i love cordaroy velvet silk satin cotton zippers buttons or those stretchy fun to play with fabrics i like it when my shoes are heavy boots and converse being my favorites i love hoods and tanktops with turtle necks, i freak out when im touched, expecially if its my back spine being the worst, if its my sides behind my knees or on my head, when my parents describe me to others the first words they used was DIFFICULT, i was a extreamly picky kid from my food to my clothes to how and if i was touched to who i played with (if someone smells like ciggeretes or alchohal or too much body spray or calone, ect i have a hard time being around them) and my family didnt always understand why they would force me to eat or drink things (like meat and water) that would make me sick or puke or something, "your just being a *****,"" your just being a brat" no! im sorry...im trying i dont think you understand just how much this hurts me bugs me makes me sick,...i would avoid sleep overs because i was terrifed of dinner or lunch time, i didnt want to be seen as a nusance...but i couldnt handel it...
now its keeping me from jobs, i get so phisically overwelmed because i cant use my headphones i cant get away i cant take a break unless its time, and just the sensory onslaught is driveing me INSANE, i would have panic attacks every night i would dread every day i had work...

i feel like im drowning sometimes, like this world is litterly driveing me insane,..