Finally Accepting Myself

I am 20 years old and I have breast asymmetry. My left breast is a C, and my right is a LARGE DD. I have been ashamed of my myself for as long as I can remember. In middle school when I started developing I hid myself in hoodies every single day no matter the weather, because I never wanted anyone to notice that I was weird/ugly/deformed. In high school I wanted to cheer but was too afraid of standing in front of the whole school because someone was bound to see and laugh and tell their friends. When it came time for prom my mom was so excited and we went prom dress shopping. I cried the whole time because none of the dresses fit me the right way.
I have never talked to anyone about my uneven breasts. Not my mother or stepmother, though I'm sure they have noticed. My little brother pointed it out one day to one of his friends and laughed, and I just went to my room and cried. I have been sexually active with a few guys, but have never taken my shirt off.. Thankfully they never asked why.
I met my wonderful boyfriend a year and a half ago. He is my first boyfriend and the first person that has ever made me feel beautiful. One night before we started dating, we had been drinking and he asked if my boobs were two different sizes, he wasn't really laughing just asking. But I am/was so ashamed of my chest that I tried to just laugh and say no. He never said anything about them after that night. When we first started having sex I left my shirt on.. After a while I took it off but left my bra on. One night he tried to take my bra off, and I freaked. He didn't understand and kept asking me why? I was crying at this point but finally told him that I was ugly and deformed. He took my bra off and told me I was beautiful. I still didn't believe him. I get completely naked with him now, and the chemistry and passion is so much better now that I feel like I don't have to "hide" myself from him. However, we have never talked openly about my breasts or said anything about them being different sizes. Sometimes when we're fooling around he will say that he loves my boobs.. But I have never believed him. How could he love them? They are disgusting.
Last night was the first time I have ever said anything to him about them. Your site and all of your stories helped me realize that I am not alone! I have always felt that no one else understood the way I felt.. We were texting and I told him how they made me feel and how they have ruined swimming, dresses and low cut shirts. How I am scared that I will never find a wedding dress that will look good on me. I am not ready to talk face to face to him about them, and even texting last night I told him to please not reply because I am not ready to hear what he has to say, if he has anything at all to say. Thankfully he respected my wishes and all he replied back with was, "I just want you to know that I love you. And every single thing about you."
I hope that you other women and girls see that you are not alone!! And when you find the right guy, who actually cares about you, he won't even care what your boobs look like. Which is the way it should be. It is a constant struggle looking in the mirror everyday. But from finally talking about it last night and saying the words out loud I am starting to feel better about myself and my looks.
jls10 jls10
22-25, F
9 Responses Dec 4, 2012

ur story is so touching....but its almost d same as mine...am 18 and a virgin...v been keeping my virginity cos of d fear of going nude in front of a guy during sex cos I can't stand d shame...but along d line I met a guy on net n we fell in love wit each other...tho we v not met physically before... he stays very far from me...but he says he will come over to my side soon n find settle arnd here wit his job....we v been dating for almost a year now n he z here to stay..but I don't know aw tru....although I v already told him abt my boobs but he keeps saying he z not marrying d boobs but me....I want an advice on dis pls...I don't know if I shld hold on to dis guy cos v been through a lot...I mean diff kind if relationships but all keeps shattering cos I wouldn't allow sex wit Dem...I don't know if I shld give my body to dis guy....

I absolutely love this post. It almost made me want to cry. I appreciate you so much for sharing this because I too have felt the almost exact thing you have. Luckily I was able to find a man that didn't care about my breasts either, which still doesn't completely make me confident about them, but I've learned there's not much I can do but accept them. I'm glad you found somebody that loves you just the way you are and I hope you find peace in looking at yourself one day, because I'm sure you're beautiful on the outside and in. :)

Breast massage n noogling

Doctors will tell you that few females are perfectly balanced, one breast to the other. Except for those dumb *** pre-teens and teens, no one will make fun of the differences in size. Take it from an "old goat" like me, men don't care about differences in size. Now, consider those unfortunate women who have lost their breasts; do you suppose their significant other runs for the hills? Not on your life! Consider men who have lost a testicle; would his partner be correct in leaving him? So, stop beating yourselves up for something that is really unimportant. Your man isn't concerned whatsoever!
Paul

I understand you.. Since mine started to develop, they've been different. I told my friends about them. They were understanding, but I have yet to see personally a woman with uneven breasts. Not at the gym, not my sisters, not my friends. So sometimes I reaaaaaaally feel like crap. Once a girl saw them and just laughed 'hahahaha they are different!' there were other girls there. they didnt say anyting, i just looked down. although i don't respect that girl much, it didn't help. I've been naked with just one guy, and he kept telling me he loved them, but everytime I was so embarrassed of myself that I just got dressed immediately. that was almost three years ago and never happened again due to my insecurities...

awww, don't be embarrassed! Love 'em different; they are very interesting that way!!

I just found these posts on here... It does make me feel better that I am not the only one, but it doesn't make me feel as good as if they were normal... you know? I am 30, and still unconfident with my boobs. It doesn't help that one is really small(and actually the more 'perfect' of the 2) and I am nearly 6ft tall...with big hips! Like, where did the rest of my *** go?! Anyways, I have a boyfriend who loves me, professes he has 'never noticed' when I've made reference to them, but I am sure he has... But it's not about him accepting me, it's about ME accepting me. And that is proving very difficult. Sorry to go on about it, I am just not really sure what to do or how to feel...

I'm glad you could find our stories.. I know that when I found this group it was such a relief to know that I wasn't the only girl in the world struggling in this way. I feel the same about my smaller breast. It is definitely the better of the two. I still haven't accepted my body.. I'm not sure how long it will take to get to that point. I try standing in front of the mirror naked for a few minutes every day. It's hard to look at myself. But I will say it has gotten easier. I have also opened up to a close friend about my breasts and the emotional toll it has taken on my life. It has taken such a huge weight off of my shoulders. To say it out loud to another person. Though sometimes I'm still scared that she is judging me, or that she thinks I'm as ugly as I think I am. It's a long process.. But hopefully one day we can be confident even with our imperfection.

Thank you so much for Sharing your story. I hope that I can find a guy that will accept me for who I am like yours did. This helps a lot to read everyone's posts to know I'm not alone.

So glad to hear you found a very caring boyfriend. Most women do have different sized breasts so that is not unusual.

Wow! They sound really cool to me! Would love to admire those beauties!!