This Can't Be My Life

I've been searching for a place like this since my diagnosis in Feb 2012. I'm a 32 years old Air Force vet, with one son. I'm at a complete loss as to what the heck I'm supposed to do now. The thought of living the rest of my life like this makes my thoughts very dark and it scares me sometimes. My case really blows because I cant take any of the meds usually rx'd for IH because I have Tachycardia and a condition called Neurocardiogenic Synope (fainting spells) anxiety attacks and a host of other things that make my life just peachy. The only med's that I've tried is Provigil and it only cost me a completly motifying nuclear panic attack at work followed by the ride of a lifetime in my very on ambulance, and let me not forget my luxurious 3day 2night all expense paid vacation in the hospital. But hey at least I got the chance to see my cardiologist go bats@#t crazy on my sleep specialist for not consulting him before rx'ing me that crap. Lol.. So it wasn't a total loss. I keeping hoping that one day I will wake up and somehow, someway this will all have just been one really messed up dream but instead I just wake up two days later trying to figure out where I am, what time is it, what else did I forget to do, and did I go to work today or did I miss it again. I feel sorry for my son sometimes because I just can't muster the strength to do some of the things that he wants to do. Even though he is still super patient with me but I think I'm hanging by a thread on that one. I'm a little low on the friend count, I suspect it might have something to do with all of the unreturned phone calls, missed lunch dates and seemingly overall lack of interest in their day to day lives that may have given them the impression that I didn't care about them. I wish I had the energy to care but the truth of the matter I have bigger things to worry about right now. Like where can I get my next nap in...
mzlady504 mzlady504
31-35, F
Dec 15, 2012