Worried About Sex With A Heavy Guy

I feel terrible about this and really would need some advice.

I'm friends with benefits with this one guy. We had sex once and it was great. The thing is, he's almost twice heavier than I am. This is something very new to me. I really like my partner as a person and our first night was amazing, but I'm still a little embarrassed about touching certain parts of his body (mainly stomach). I'm 120 lbs 5 ft 8 and would hate to somehow offend him by doing something that would make him self-conscious (he confessed that he doesn't like his body that much). I honestly don't mind his weight and normally feel comfortable talking about whatever with him, but when it gets to facing that he is pretty big in comparison to me, I just freeze up and don't know how to proceed - I'm so afraid to somehow appear critical with my questions or embarrass him. Can I touch his flabby parts? What to do about the whole big belly thing? Is he afraid he will crush me when he's on top? I really feel like I could be better in bed if I wasn't that worried about all of this.

Perhaps, this sounds very silly, but again, I've never had sex before with anyone as big as he is and I really need some pointers. Maybe how I could talk to him about that yet still remaining sensitive? Is it even OK to talk to him about this? Or if you have similar personal experiences that could help me? 

Please, no tongue-in-cheek comments. This matter is very serious for me.  

noreallyimfine noreallyimfine
18-21, F
8 Responses Feb 1, 2010

Just go with it! Touch him everywhere that feels good for both of you!! If he doesn't like it, you'll know. Also, the best way to make a man less self-conscious about his body is to make love to it. My ex was self-conscious about his body, but during our two year relationship, he grew happier with his body and loved it when I kissed his belly. As for him being on top, try it. It's amazing.

Although I am not a big guy myself, I am a plus size woman, or BBW. I appreciate it when my partner treats me well as a person and as a partner, and appreciates me for who I am as a whole person. Being open minded and non-critical about my size and weight is a very positive thing, that I appreciate very much in a partner. So I would think your FWB is probably happy to be with you, and enjoys the fact that you like him for who he is, and don't make a big deal about his weight or size. As long as you are comfortable with him, I would say don't make a big issue of his weight. Just touch and treat him the same way you would treat any guy, in bed and out. If weight and size are keeping you from doing something that you want to do sexually, you could talk with him about it along the lines of, "I think it would be fun if we tried (fill in activity) together. Would you like that? Let's see if we can find a good way to do it together. Or let's find a way that works for us." Don't worry about what you do embarrassing him. Be honest, open, sincere, kind, and willing to try different things, and he will probably be very happy, and try very hard to make you happy, too. Remember, whatever our bodies are shaped like on the outside, we are all feeling, thinking people on the inside, and everyone wants to be loved and cared about, to enjoy closeness and touch, and to have fun. Relax and enjoy, and don't worry. You're doing fine.

Thank you, prettyinpink. This does sound like a very good approach. Sadly I won't be able to try it in a while as he is away and the weather has been terrible for travelling. Still, thank you for your thoughtful comment :)

Clearly your story is not understood.....i think i get what you mean. I've never been with a large man, but if he's ok taking his clothes off around you, and having sex with you..then i don't think his weight is really an issue. <br />
I would touch him wherever you feel like touching him, he's still a man who enjoys 'touch'. If he's uncomfortable with something you're doing, I'm sure he'll tell you.<br />
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I wouldn't worry, ..and i wouldn't bring up weight issues, unless he does!

Well try to take some tips about sex. After sex never feel ashamed nor try to embarrassed you sex partner.Sex is most pleasure thing in the world and it's for fun...enjoy.

I'm worried about offending my partner, who happens to be big, during our future sex. I just wasn't sure how to approach it and feel like I'm not getting the most out of sex as I'm embarrassed to make him uncomfortable touching him in a manner that would make him self-conscious. Basically, I'm embarrassed to make him embarrassed. Kind of funny.

Hi ....first let me clear, are you worried about sex or your sex patrner was heavy......it's very confusing metter....but take care. Don't look in the past, try to look ahead.

I hope the advice I gave you on the subject as a big guy was helpful.