I Rely Solely On Me Right Now

Well I have reached the point of distrusting nearly everyone. No longer will I give my kindness, astuteness, clairvoyance, or independent thought out willingly. I  know people don't appreciate or respect my uniqueness; my vigorous character and dignity, although I find it easy to convey this for them. I have closed in on myself and care not to even speak to others if I don't have to; they don't deserve it anymore. And I do not deserve to hurt deeply from their envy or jealousy or lack of understandaing of me. I was walking somewhere yesterday and realized one of my personal goals is to become an incredibly strong human being with immense inner-strength-it seems this is the training. I care not have the very few friends that I have/had around me- because the substance is not worth much and the mutual respect and appreciation is under-par. The people I associated with I care not to anymore because I have assessed that they are petty, insecure, and do not have a clue about much. I am a couple of a  hundred miles away from family and somewhat estranged; but I probably wouldn't trust many of them either. I know my trust issue can be detrimental, but I have tried more than a few times to open up and create relationships and trust people but the results continue to repeat- now it is time to put it to rest and go solo! Hopefully I won't go crazy or something but I feel this is the best way right now. Oh, and I am going to see someone professionally (a therapist) to see what else can be done about this issue. Thanks for reading! 
Ameliorate Ameliorate
26-30, M
2 Responses Jul 14, 2010

Once again, phatnhapi, I appreciate your response! :) (hugs)

That makes perfect sense to me Ameliorate. It is not better to be surrounded by a group of friends who do not appreciate you for the great person you are. They are not true friends, they are superficial friends. More like acquaintenances probably. Anyone who would not want to get to know you better is a fool indeed. I like the way you see straight into the truth of their personalities and realize they are not worth your time. You seem light years away from them in your understanding. They could do with a little more introspection and better values to aspire to. They don't seem to be really grasping to understand the most important things in life. They could have learned a lot from you and it is their loss. I think you would be very successful at inspiring those younger than yourself to live their lives with more thought too. Some kind of group like the boys and girls clubs of America. I think you may have heard of them. There all kinds of kids who could benefit from learning to make themselves strong as you have done. It is only a matter of time before you become involved with people who recognize what a great person you are. I think doing something to help other people in some kind of group setting where there are clear goals in mind would be a place where you would shine. I don't really think you need a therapist. I think you might be a person who believes in God? If so, and if you pray, He will give you contentment and peace. He will ease any sorrows you have of not finding the appropriate people you feel you need in your life. If you feel like talking about anything, just write me here and i will listen. Another story of yours i enjoyed.. thanks :) xox