Do Half Siblings Count?

I have 3 half brothers and 1 half sister I have never met, all from my father's side before he married my mother.  I am technically an only child.  Two of the half brothers have died, so I will never meet them. 

My mother had me late in life (40).  She thought she was going through menopause when she got pregnant with me, and when she found out she was actually pregnant, she tried very hard to get someone to give her an abortion, but she was too far along.  I guess I was never supposed to be born.   She reminded me of this often while I was growing up, how she never wanted me, how no one wanted me.  After their divorce, I was raised by my mother, but I was kept away from my father's family, and my mother's family never took to me because they hated my father. 

The thing is, I'm 48 now, and I've been without any family at all for over 30 years.  My entire family disowned me after I became pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl when I was 16.  Devout Catholic family (I know - it sounds very hypocritical, with divorce and abortion, but true).  I begged them to forgive me, but they told me to ask God to forgive me instead, and then they asked me to leave and never come back.  I left my baby with my mother.  So, 30 years with no family.  At first the holidays were really hard, but it got easier as the years rolled by.  I never married, partly because I never wanted to have to explain to anyone why the bride's side of the church is completely empty.  Now, I'm lonely for a family. 

I have contacted one of my half brothers through Facebook, but he has never called me.  In fact, another one of my half brothers, one I have been in contact with off and on over the years, died a month ago, and  I was only informed of his passing last night by the half brother I have contacted through Facebook.  I would have liked to have attended his funeral, but I would have respected the wishes of anyone who would have been made to feel uncomfortable by my mere presence, since I got pregnant when I was 16.  I understand that it was a horrible thing to do, a mortal sin, but I've been punished for it for over 30 years.  When will it be enough?

It's not that I miss my family, since you can't miss what you've never had, but I wish I could have some sort of relationship with someone I'm related to.  I don't really have anyone I can talk to about it, so, thanks for reading this.   

engl2336 engl2336
46-50, F
6 Responses Mar 12, 2010

It'll be okay and you do deserve forgiveness you have carried your burden to long reach out to your family and maybe there ready to have you back you never know unless you try.

Damn, I'm very sorry that you've been put through so much ****! I wish you all the happiness in the world... you definitely deserve it. Thing is, thankfully, God has a loving and forgiving personality, so your 'sin' has been well and truly atoned for by now. No need to feel guilty over it (IMO, it's not even a sin...). I truly hope you will receive what you wish for.

I kind of know what you're going through. I have 2 beautiful younger half sisters who I haven't seen in about what 2-5 years now all because their mom don't like our father and got a restraining order on him. My mom don't her becuase she is forcing my sisters and I apart which aint ****** fair. And my dad wants nothing to do with me hell I didn't know he existed until I was 9 so my mom is my mom and dad and doing an awesome job at it. The only connection I can possibly have with my sisters is Facebook but I bet they forgot who I am, so we kind of the same a little.

Reconnect with your daughter & stop having so much pride with yourself Ge never asked ya to be perfect he asked to love& obey him stop beating yourself up Christ has died for your sins & mine we all have shortcomings they do not make us weak they are meant to draw us closer to him & seek his face. Your not hear for any reason you have purpose if God didn't. Want you hear your mom would have found success in trying to get an abortion love yourself Im 5'10 also but I use to hate it fall in love with God then love yourself & forgive yourself forgive yourself & lastly I say forgive yourself & those who have hurt you for they did not know what they were doing or what thy spoke upon you.

Im so sorry. I read this article because I thought I had a difficult family situation, but I realise that I'm very lucky. I recently met my half brother, half sister, and father for the first time (I'm 16) and am hoping to meet my other half brother soon (he won't speak to my father..long story), and wanted to hear stories of other people with half siblings. I am really sorry that your family has not supported you through your life, especially at the hardest time, when you were pregnant. I'd advise you to contact your daughter/son. Although the relationship may never be what it should be, it can still be wonderful. I can't believe a family could be so cruel as to disown one of their own because of a mistake. I wish you the best of luck in life.

So sorry that you have been treated this way! You are deserving of love and acceptance. Many times people find it through friends when they do not get it through family. Lack of relationships and love in families is more common than you might think. You are not alone!