Stuck In Regret

Thats how i feel. constantly. Regret engulfs me. I cant get through one day without wishing that i am 5 years younger. Everyday i wake up realizing that if i had had the mindset that i have now [focus on consumption and getting what i want. not caring what other people think as much...] i wouldnt have experienced my ****** adolescence.  

you see, i grew up being extremely shy. i feel like my shyness morphed into SAD...and then morphed again into what i am experiencing now....complete loser-dom. my mother sheltered me so much that i never had the confidence to go out and do anything with my life. She wanted to keep me as her little doll. i didnt have hobbies. i didnt even fit in with the nerds because i didnt play video games. and despite my looks ive never had a boyfriend. i was never faced ith any hardship in life, i just didnt know how to get what i wanted...  

I will never unfold my full potential in life. Hell, ill never unfold half of it, or even a quarter of it. Since ive never done anything i cant just go out and met new people.... "hey so uh whatdoyoudo" "um...nothing" "oh thats fine well what have you done" "uh...*run away and hide*"  Its just this vicious lonely effing cycle.

  yea. i suffer from possibly the worst ailment in human history. the inability to ****** connect with another human being. Sigh. Someone once said that this is the definition for insanity.    

I wish we could move, because one of the biggest reasons why i dont want to get a job/socialize more is because im completed haunted by my high school reputation. i seriously never want to see those poeple again. ever. I just want to start fresh... Ive lived in the same city all of my life. but my parents arent moving.  

I feel like the weirdest part of it that i come from such nice normal stable people. And im such a ******* letdown. im a loner/loser without completly fitting into either group. And im not sure here the end of my problems is~

(this is randomly and chaotically written but i just wanted to post something since ive been commenting so much)

yoshiesque yoshiesque
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 3, 2010

Social anxiety does create a lot of regrets. It creates a life missed due to the crippling aspect of the problem. <br />
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The three words in your post (that I used to say too) are "I will never"<br />
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I have found those words are not always as true as I think--<br />
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(Although I had to get help for my Social Anxiety in order to realize the life I really wanted), here is some very good (and free) reading material that really helped me-- "Twelve Gentle Steps to Overcoming Social Anxiety",

thanks that made me feel better....<br />
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i wish i wouldve started talking about my problems earlier...wouldve made things so much easier.<br />
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and yea, its noodle~

Don't say never, because then your accepting a negative fate. You can only get as far as your mind will allow you to go. There's not a single person alive that doesn't have the right to their own happiness. Also if you are having problems with school and you can honestly tell yourself you have tried your best to better the problem, then it's probably best to try your best at surviving and finding pleasure elsewhere. I had a best friend who seemed to ease my SAD until he went to different schools and I had to deal with junior and senior year almost completely alone so I kind of know how you feel myself. I'll be honest it wasn't the prettiest but just try your hardest to atleast survive it all, try not to think backwards but forwards.. harder said than done sometimes but try to let yourself believe it. Also off subject I think that is a Gorillaz picture you have for your profile, lol love it.. the Gorillaz are awesome!