Stuck In RegretThats how i feel. constantly. Regret engulfs me. I cant get through one day without wishing that i am 5 years younger. Everyday i wake up realizing that if i had had the mindset that i have now [focus on consumption and getting what i want. not caring what other people think as much...] i wouldnt have experienced my ****** adolescence.
you see, i grew up being extremely shy. i feel like my shyness morphed into SAD...and then morphed again into what i am experiencing now....complete loser-dom. my mother sheltered me so much that i never had the confidence to go out and do anything with my life. She wanted to keep me as her little doll. i didnt have hobbies. i didnt even fit in with the nerds because i didnt play video games. and despite my looks ive never had a boyfriend. i was never faced ith any hardship in life, i just didnt know how to get what i wanted...
I will never unfold my full potential in life. Hell, ill never unfold half of it, or even a quarter of it. Since ive never done anything i cant just go out and met new people.... "hey so uh whatdoyoudo" "um...nothing" "oh thats fine well what have you done" "uh...*run away and hide*" Its just this vicious lonely effing cycle.
yea. i suffer from possibly the worst ailment in human history. the inability to ****** connect with another human being. Sigh. Someone once said that this is the definition for insanity.
I wish we could move, because one of the biggest reasons why i dont want to get a job/socialize more is because im completed haunted by my high school reputation. i seriously never want to see those poeple again. ever. I just want to start fresh... Ive lived in the same city all of my life. but my parents arent moving.
I feel like the weirdest part of it is...is that i come from such nice normal stable people. And im such a ******* letdown. im a loner/loser without completly fitting into either group. And im not sure here the end of my problems is~
(this is randomly and chaotically written but i just wanted to post something since ive been commenting so much)