Being Crippled

I have a core belief that everything that no matter what I've said, I've said the wrong thing. I try to be invisible and feel crippling anxiety when in a group or crowd. I feel negative vibes from people that probably aren't even there, and I believe myself to be no one. It's lead to horrible depression and loneliness - I've gone to a psychiatric hospital for suicidal ideations, and I was attending a social anxiety group that told me things that made a lot of sense, but I was too anxious to do any of it.
My cycle of depression and anxiety is that there's a group of people, or even just one person, and I avoid them and hide from them to avoid the anxiety, and by hiding from people I become lonely, and my self confidence falls even lower.
I kind of know what I need to do. I need to dive in at first and eventually realise that it's not that bad. But it's so hard to break the ice.
storm266 storm266
18-21, M
2 Responses Dec 30, 2007

me too :(

I completely know the feeling. Luckily my best friends are all bold enough to not have cared if I just wanted to hide from them, lol<br />
<br />
Its not easy. Every time someone laughs, I KNOW they are laughing at me. If I say something and there is no response, or a delayed response, I am freaking out inside because I know I said something stupid. If I try to interject in a conversation, and it gets passed over, I feel like everything about me was just completely rejected.<br />
<br />
You aren't alone in the fears.