It Makes Me Stutter And Turn Red

If half of the people I've met knew that I battled and still battle social anxiety, they won't believe me.
I've done great for myself since... since forever. As a child growing up, I kept to myself a lot in public.
I was afraid to talk to other people, it made me nervous. Even as a teenager I couldn't function right in school.
I felt this huge pressure coming over me if I had to be around a group of people. Speaking for presentations, goodness! 
One time, my sister, who was like my best friend ever, wanted to go to a concert, we got tickets and everything.
I freaked out because the line was too long and I couldn't go wait in it. It was a big freak out - not small.
They couldn't understand me. Then that same week, I dropped out of college for the 2nd time and had to take a break.

Now, I've finished school and I'm attending again.
I'm a freelance photographer for events and non profit groups.
I used to be a nightclub photographer as well... everything took socializing.
It gets better when I surround myself with people.. if I don't, I start to feel it all again-__-

Does anyone feel like this, like you gotta keep yourself around people or else you'll get used to being without them.
I fall back into being antisocial and it is not healthy.

They're just people, just like me! 
aquinski aquinski
26-30
2 Responses Jan 26, 2011

hello, thanks for sharing your story, the outcome of it was good. I think the trick is to make yourself comfortable as you can be, although it can be hard. Anything social is a stretch for me. Sometimes I don't notice the angst I get before any social event. It comes and goes for me though but nowadays it has been a bother. I usually feel that people are alright and non threatening. It is just me feeling the way I do, which I have to overcome. I think once you do and take your mind off of it, you will be worrying about other things than the people around you. I've gone to comic conventions alone before and walked around a lot. I usually just browse or compliment some art I come across, and I run into friends. So I def think it's easier to have people who share your interest. I got an oral presentation coming up for class on some tough subjects and that class is packed! I don't know how to calm myself but I have some time to think of how. It would just be helpful if I didn't feel everybody was going to be looking at me and possibly thinking thoughts. I guess I am overthinking it all... but bravery will prevail. I wish you luck with getting out there more and doing social things you like. Once that gets on track, there should be more people flocking your way to hang out :D

Yes, it totally makes sense. I feel like that, well like that and another way. <br />
I am paranoid people are judging, critiquing and making fun of me when I'm seen in public and that that kind of thing will affect my potential friendships or aquantances so I'll just try and keep quiet and not come out of myself. Such as if I'm around people and I don't know them, or I might know someone's name and seen them around, I try to stay to myself cause I don't think I am that interesting or I might say the wrong thing. I too get red in the face and start stuttering or stammering a bit. The more I talk the better it gets..<br />
<br />
Can you believe I used to talk in front of people?<br />
Well, I can say yes, it is a constant battle. If I get scared or apprehensive and I isolate myself for a bit of time, except for obvious things, work and basic living stuff, it gets really hard to come out again and start socializing. <br />
<br />
I went to a nerd convention today by myself cause it's what I'm into. I tried to get someone to go with me, but didn't happen like that. I knew people that were going there and ran into a few. But not like real friends, mostly friends of friends. So it was really really difficult! Felt like I was gonna break down and go hide in a corner. At one point, I just went and sat down aside a wall by some other people that were doing the same. <br />
<br />
1 good thing about the whole thing besides the fear, was that I was sitting by myself and a couple came and sat down by me and started talking to me, they were really friendly and I even gave them some of by buttons that I bought earlier. It made me realize that some people are really OKAY.<br />
<br />
I need to be with people to be with people.. I think you understand that.. do you?