Why Do They All Judge Me?

Wow I cant believe I'm actually going to write this because my social anxiety is a secret shame very few people know I go through it but the problem seems to be getting worse so who knows maybe talking about it to other people with similar issues will help some. So, here it goes. From an early age I always had issues with going out in public. When I do I always feel like everyone is looking at me & judging me. I see other people and no matter what they look like or how overweight they are, they are always better than me. I literally feel like I am hideous. I never had a problem getting boyfriends & I've had people tell me I'm pretty but I always feel like they are only saying that because they feel sorry for me. I sometimes feel like I dont deserve to live because I'm not attractive enough for this world. And it really sucks. I havent been able to work in 3 years, actually scratch that I did work for 2 weeks at a job. Everyday I'd get up 2 hours early just so I had enough time to try on 10 outfits. Then when I'd get to work I couldn't concentrate on work because I just kept thinking about what everyone else thought of me. The friends I've confided in always tell me "who cares what other people think" well, I do. I really really care. I hate that I feel this way I wish I could change but no matter how many times I tell myself I dont care I do. & as I said I think its getting worse now I've developed this thought that people look at me and think I am a guy or use to be one. I dont know where it came from, so I started wearing skirts more and being more feminine even though I've always been the girly type so ugh I donno. I spoke to one therapist about it she seemed to think that I have delusional thoughts and that everyone my age goes though this. She then told me that what solved her insecurity was having a kid, because then she didnt care what people thought because she had a job that needed to be done.... Hmm yeah thats just what I need an extra 30lbs and some stretch marks to boost my self esteem. =/ So yeah I'm just at a loss of what to do to make myself feel better and be able to go out in public without freaking out & having a panic attack over what other people are thinking.
xxevilxangelxx xxevilxangelxx
26-30, F
7 Responses Oct 10, 2011

I had these kinds of problems at one point as well, and still do sometimes. Sometimes it's all good, but sometimes I just can't prevent myself from obsessing, over every single little detail of my existence, I start to feel like I'm being stared at, I start to think about every little thing that could be wrong with how I look or what I've said, and worry about everything down to how I simply sit still. It can get pretty overwhelming when you have to worry over, analyze, and question every single move you make. It used to be a lot worse, but it's gotten easier. I've never taken medication or had a therapist though.

You might need a new therapist.<br />
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I have one that I like but it's a bit of a drive for you. ;)<br />
I have this too. That wierd social anxiety thing. People don't really like me, they just feel sorry for me. When I talk, I think they are listening to just be polite but there really thinking, "Jesus would he just shut up."<br />
I'm too skinny, my smile is goofy, I'm too tall."<br />
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All of these things I think.<br />
And then, I end up looking at the floor because I don't know what else to say.<br />
It's wierd.<br />
I hate it.<br />
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I force myself not to live that way.<br />
But still, sometimes it gets the best of me.

i feel exactly the same way ." People don't really like me, they just feel sorry for me. When I talk, I think they are listening to just be polite but there really thinking," . i try to explain it to other people and they just dont understand what its like. i over think even the smallest things and i still have trouble believing my friends really like me

So your therapists solution to your social anxiety was to get pregnant and have a kid? Holy sweet Jebus. Wow...I haven't heard THAT one before, especially not from someone who is supposed to be trained in this kind of thing. <br />
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But I know what you mean about people not understanding that it's not that easy to just "not worry about what other people think", because that's the whole foundation of social anxiety....you CAN'T help but think about other people judging you. <br />
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I hope that you can start to get the proper help you need to combat some of these feelings. It's not a good way to live. Take it from me.

i feeel the same way!! maybe you can help me out a little, im new too this... when i read this i felt like i wrote it and i was re reading it...

well i'd love to share our experiences I sent you a pm ;)

@ ghostFlame Ok that made me LOL. I agree with most of it although I dont think I'm attractive even at home I dont walk by mirrors, so I donno about the whole idea of having a big image of myself I just feel like society has a specific image of beauty & I dont fit the bill and that bothers me, but I'm going out today & I'm gonna try that idea of thinking I'm just insane and they really arnt looking at me. I'll let you know how that goes ;)

God Bless You! I knew you were a gamer! Take it one step at a time... Have you ever seen Hiedi Klum without makeup..... EEEEEWWWW that's what she looks like when she's not on tv. We are all like that... Ya know I don't like looking in the mirror either. I have a beautiful wife and women hit on me when I'm out, so I can't be all that bad looking. People in general and men in particular really don't expect women to look beautiful all the time and we accept your decision on what makes you look beautiful. I'll bet if I saw you at say a wedding where everyone is dressed up I would think you were attractive with what you chose to wear and how your hair is done... unless you're an absolute troll that lives under a bridge, you probably clean up pretty good.
The truth is whatever Hiedi can conjure up for the public, it's not her physical beauty it's her person that has made her what she is. She makes her living off of beauty, that's true right now.
If you catch someone looking at you say this to yourself, they think I'm good looking, if it's a women say, they are jealous. but, the truth is they are just looking your way it doesn't mean they are even aware of you. Every day work on this and keep us posted.

I also noticed that you have selected as one of your favorites, "I was molested as a child". You may not have been molested you may just be curious about the subject. But I was and I know that my big ego came from my family and my low self esteem came from the catholic priest that molested me. Low self esteem is not a death sentence... but, it takes work to overcome. Everyday I have stuff to get through in my head. Taking about it with a good therapist is the first step, after you get it off your chest start building a tool box of techniques to ward off the thoughts and feelings, third have someone you can talk to when you Therapist isn't around... for god sake they are expensive!<br />
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I know that my past molestation and my anxiety about how I look are linked together. When I got my hands around the molestation piece I began to see improvements in my appearance anxiety.<br />
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You are not alone.... get out there and live life, Sweety!

yes, actually I was molested from 11-13 by my adopted dad I know beyond anything that alot of my issues stem from that although im not hung up on it or anything i dont even think about it I just think its a sub conscious thing who knows

Hi xxevilxangelxx, You need a hug and some reassurance.<br />
I'm a man and some men suffer from this to some degree. I have not let the fact that I worry about what people think of me keep me from doing things... I push through. But, I can identify because I have anxiety every morning getting ready for work. I agonize over how I'm going to look at the office, it sounds wierd cuz I know I am good looking and a potato sack would work. I see your pic and is that is you you have a good start with that cute face and big dark almond shaped eyes... you're gorgeous but, you don't feel that way. <br />
When I was 20 yrs old, I shared this anxiety with my brother. He said "you must be delusional, do you really think people are taking the time to look at you and really care what you look like"? That changed it from they were judgeing me to they were too busy with their own BS and Psycocis to have time to wonder about me.<br />
Dear get over yourself, You are not the center of their universe... and that's a good thing. They are not watching you they are doing their thing. My shrink says people who suffer from this type of anxiety have a big ego, big self image and low self esteem. We are trying to please our toughest critique "ourselves" then projecting that on others. Yeah it's F0rked up but, I can ease my own anxiety by just saying to myself "who you kidding they aren't looking at you, they don't have the time or the luxury to look at you. They just need you to be on your game at work, play, social etc, You gotta big image of yourself if think they are spending time looking at you and making judgements". When you like what you see in the mirror then say that's enough and get going... really you only think they care what you look like, they only care about the substance of YOU...<br />
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Talk to your therapist about what I just said. Or the next time your getting ready just try what I said here and see if it helps. "you really think THEY are watching you? Get a life!! lol"<br />
GhostFlame