Sometimes I Wish I Didn't Know

Sometimes I wish I didn't learn I have social anxiety. Sure, it was relieving to learn that I'm not a nasty ignorant person because I decline friend's invitations, ignored boyfriends I had in the past - or confused why I make such a big deal out of things and just can't fit in anywhere. But knowing I have SAD holds me back. I use this as a bugging excuse in many situations like, I can't talk to that person, I have social anxiety, I can't have a boyfriend, I have social anxiety, I can't I have a job, I have social anxiety. And so on!

I feel trapped in life, feeling stuck at 14 years old when I developed social anxiety. I don't feel like I'm growing up at all. I cannot imagine leading an independent life. I am envious of those people who can. The trouble is, I have a sister five years older than me and I see a window of how I should have been; she lives with her boyfriend (who she would soon to marry), has a car, a job, confidence and plenty of friends. She would look at me and say, "so...have you started to get a life yet?"

No. But I'm trying, really trying. I been on SAD forums, read books, had therapy, tried taking steps by steps beating it but I just fall back into the beginning again.

I wish social anxiety didn't exist.
lavienrose lavienrose
18-21, F
2 Responses Oct 31, 2011

Ive had similar through my life so far and it doesnt go away with age. Ive never known that a recognised SAD condition existed. So ive learnt somthing from your shareing.

You know it for yourself that you had this anxiety<br />
dont deny it may worsen not knowing your weakness<br />
<br />
Many people said Im dumb Why I dont get over the crowd Why Im a loner<br />
Its just im not one of them Im different so they cant understand<br />
Dont force yourself in something you know you won't achieve<br />
im not degrading you but just be yourself .<br />
<br />
Me, an anti social girl get used to the crowd without being able to change to a socialite ones.<br />
but im not being myself with them<br />
Im being myself on my own<br />
<br />
About you, having a boyfriend that understand you the most will make your life change<br />
open up to them let them understand dont let lose because of this social anxiety thing<br />
<br />
overcome it with your heart and mind