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Feeling Lonely

I am 21 years old and I now understand that I have social anxiety. I was always shy and Meeting new people was always a trouble. When I was younger I always wanted to fit in with the other girls in my class but I always had this little voice in my head that told me that it was a bad idea. I was afraid of approaching them because I thought they would reject me and I would feel humiliated. The school I went to as a child was a primary and highshool which ment I would be with the same people until I graduate. I went Through my whole school life and I never approached them and they never approached me because they most likely thought I was a snob and an anti-social person. Till this day I haven't made a close friend. When I left school I tried a couple of tafe courses. I tried hard to make friends there but whenever it was my turn to say something I would freeze up and I wouldn't know what to say back. My mind would go all over the place and I'll be having a small panic atack.

I now have a job in myer (a large retail store) every customer I speak to sends my heart rate flying faster and faster. I've been there almost a year and only there have been very slight changes. I could greet my co-workers without trembling and without panicking. My managers really looks likes she trying to get to know me but even with the knowledge that she likes me and wants to be my friend I still get nervous when she comes up to talk to me. I practically mumble my replies back because i get so nervous and shy that I forget how to put a proper sentence together. I still struggle to speak with her. Deep down I think she knows I have some social disorder because she pushes ever one else to practice having better customer service but she doesn't pressure me or gives me the same speech as everyone else. I did make a few friends but I dnt speak much. They do all the talking I just put a few very short answers here and there. And our relationship is only evident at work. As in I only ever see them when we r working together. Except for one because she catches the train home with me. That's one hour of being constantly anxious of embarrassing myself.

I feel kinda shamed that I'm 21 and I haven't got a friend that I could share things with to have fun go out with. I'm always at home. Imagining a world where I wasn't socially awkward and I had a whole group of friends that enjoy my company. Why can't I talk to everyone the way I speak to my family. 21 years I've lived and I haven't managed a 2 minute proper conversation with anyone other than my family. Shouldnt I have learnt how to conversate with people by now.
Natalie1991 Natalie1991 18-21 2 Responses Mar 5, 2012

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highschool was the worst thing ever happened to me.it was very hard to fit in and i never fited.i felt lonely and was very desparate for friends and i became very depressed.i wish i could forget everything and move on .i came to know recently that i had social anxiety and now iam nervous to talk to people i know .so i dont try to talk to anyone.iam mostly silent and by myself watching movies and thinking about what i want to do for the rest of my life

Sometimes when I'm at home I start thinking about what it feels like to be able to speak freely like others do and i find myself wishing it but I also noticed that this will make u feel more down so what I do is think of all the good things that are in my life and work on them and everyday I'll try something knew. Like instead of relying on one of my family members to talk for me when shopping I'll work up the courage and go do it myself and eventually that would become easier for me still really tough and i have to literally rehearse it in my head but it is less frightening. Eventually one day I'll be able to just go up to someone and just strike up a conversation. Just saying it helps to think of the good things.

at least you have your family. cherish that connection. if you don't have one yet get a dog, non judgmental loving beings. try to smile, it makes you happy while others and you feel more at ease. I know it is hard but what do you have to loose. All the best

I have a bird that talks whenever I'm feeling down I just go and sit next to it and remember that this world is amazing and works in amazing ways. If it can make a bird talk than I'm sure one it would help me talk. Thank u for reading and commenting. I'm new to all this.

I am new to this as well. But if you want to change i have a few tips. Facts first you have taken the first and hardest step by reaching out, good job! :) you are interesting to me so others will find you interesting too. For the tips: Smile, say hi, share. start small and work your way up. small talk might seem pointless but talking is also a skill. Every step you make gets you closer to meaningful relationships. hope this makes sense.

It does make sense :) thank u. Sometimes for me thinking of a topic to talk about is hard because I'm so nervous. Ive got to really put in a lot of practice Hehe.