The Tension Begins

I have going through with teasing all through school which made me very self consious. I am attractive and have had boyfriends throughout my teenage and adult life. I  was in a relationship for 6yrs to the father of my child and he was a cheater. but i stayed which lead to distrust, anger, and anxiety. i must admit my anxiety level wasn't to this extreme until after that relationship ended and now it's awful. I don't want to make new friends because I don't know who to trust, people who said they were my friends ended up being the opposite, and when i explain the anxiety issue to them it's like" get over it". Whenever i get invited to a social event and i don't show up they take it personal and eventually stop calling me. I'm always thinking someone talking about me if i'm in a group or judging me i some way. when it comes to jobs, i don't keep them long because i let what someone said or a remark they made get to me. i have ran into the restroom and cried before and ended up quiting that job and going to another. that job ended and so i've reached a dead end street because i let what people think of me and the anxiety of it all overtake me. i have commom sense but when it comes to interacting with strangers, it'a a done deal. i normally do things alone with my boyfriend instead of double dating and if i was to double date, it would have to be with someone that close to like my sister or brother. Going to a party i would have to get tipsy before entering or take a anxiety pill to relax. i always feel akward at a party(without the meds or alcohol) and stiff because i don't know what to say or how to act. all i do is sit at home and watch reality shows and watch the rich and famous live their lives while mine is falling apart. i wish i didn't have this condition.