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The Tension Begins

I have going through with teasing all through school which made me very self consious. I am attractive and have had boyfriends throughout my teenage and adult life. I  was in a relationship for 6yrs to the father of my child and he was a cheater. but i stayed which lead to distrust, anger, and anxiety. i must admit my anxiety level wasn't to this extreme until after that relationship ended and now it's awful. I don't want to make new friends because I don't know who to trust, people who said they were my friends ended up being the opposite, and when i explain the anxiety issue to them it's like" get over it". Whenever i get invited to a social event and i don't show up they take it personal and eventually stop calling me. I'm always thinking someone talking about me if i'm in a group or judging me i some way. when it comes to jobs, i don't keep them long because i let what someone said or a remark they made get to me. i have ran into the restroom and cried before and ended up quiting that job and going to another. that job ended and so i've reached a dead end street because i let what people think of me and the anxiety of it all overtake me. i have commom sense but when it comes to interacting with strangers, it'a a done deal. i normally do things alone with my boyfriend instead of double dating and if i was to double date, it would have to be with someone that close to like my sister or brother. Going to a party i would have to get tipsy before entering or take a anxiety pill to relax. i always feel akward at a party(without the meds or alcohol) and stiff because i don't know what to say or how to act. all i do is sit at home and watch reality shows and watch the rich and famous live their lives while mine is falling apart. i wish i didn't have this condition. 
sultrynight sultrynight 31-35, F 1 Response May 3, 2012

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If you immerse yourself in so called `reality shows` then you are deluding yourself; You make your own reality in this life; if you are watching t.v you are doing nothing positive. You have joined EP, presumably not to talk to yourself, so you are prepared to make contact with people and reach out a little. You tell me that you are attractive and that you have had a relationship with a cheater; you are still attractive presumably, you know that you can function in a relationship and it sounds as it you have friends; maybe just aquaintances.

In my view you can make it on your own with a little help and encouragement; you have the advantage of being young, lose the remote control and step outside...be brave, and let yourself be beautiful you deserve to be happy but you will only find happiness if you can find contentment; watching the rich and famous in cheap t.v shows will prevent you from doing that.

Feel free to talk to me anytime; I`m a good listener and who knows, I may just be able to help you....talk to me SoftBunny.