Please Don't Look At Me...

   Whenever I go anywhere where there's people, I feel like they're all staring at me and thinking about how ugly I am. I feel so ugly and worthless, especially when I'm walking alone. I look away. I don't want to look into people's eyes. They would be thinking, "What's that ugly girl doing looking at me? She's so ugly and lower than me, she hurts my eyes." Or maybe they're thinking about my ugly clothes or hair, or how I walk, or if my backpack is too big, or if my face looks angry. I don't know. 
   I'm socially awkward. When people say hi to me, I ignore them or I say "ok". I like to be nice, but I'm quiet. When I do something nice, they say thanks, but I say "ok". It is so awkward. And I don't smile either. I feel like I'm not cool enough or pretty enough to be happy or to talk to people.
   In school, I always get bad grades for "not participating in class". Well, I don't want to talk. I talk really awkwardly and I feel like if I talk, people will judge me for it. And what if I say something wrong? What if my voice is crackly.
   I'm afraid to be seen alone in public. People will think I'm a loner loser who has no friends because I'm too ugly. But I don't have much friends, only about 2. They are very shy too. When I go to the bathroom, I need them to follow me there because I don't want to go alone.
   I'm scared of talking to popular people or to teachers or adults. I just feel so low and worthless. I'm afraid to make mistakes and I'm afraid they're looking at my ugliness and judging me because of it. People say looks don't matter, but they do, because it's what people look at when they first see you. I hate myself.
TheWeirdoGirl TheWeirdoGirl
13-15, F
1 Response May 8, 2012

I Kno what its like ive being going through it all my life i looks funny and i can laugh about it by myself but when others hint or stare at me i get huge anxiety and look away that came from years of low self esteem, no self confidence, and nobody taking any pride to either be around me or associated with me that hurts especially when you have some people taking to you and you think they think less of you to Lonelyness is one of the worst feelings in the world but i learn nobody has to love me i dnt even have to love myself but GOd s love is eternal