Social Anxiety Is Ruining My Life.

I'm not good with words, so sorry if this all comes out confusing to you.
So, I'm a 17 year old female, I guess it all started back in school, I was 5 the first time I got bullied and it all started from there. Ever since, I've been bullied all through school, I left a year early in year 10 when I finally had enough of everything. I've never been diagnosed with this, I guess I've been too scared to go to the doctors because I've had so many people think I'm an attention seeker and there's nothing wrong with me. I can't go outside alone, my mum know's how I am but I don't think she realizes how bad I am, most mornings she has to take me to work because I can't get on the bus on my own, if I'm alone I start to hear voices like 'look at that girl she's so ugly' and worse. I also feel like everyone is staring at me, even when they're not I can't help but feel all eyes are on me. When I'm with someone I know then I don't feel like that, it all goes away because I've got someone there with me to distract me from those things I think and feel. My boss kind of knows some how of how I feel but next month I've got to go on a first aid course and I'm dreading it, when opportunities like this come up it's all I think about until the day arrives, I feel sick and my heart races and my chest closes up which doesn't help as I've got asthma. I've got no friends thanks to school, I used to have loads of friends, a whole group full and I don't really know what went wrong. I can't even fit in with the people I work with, they are so older then me and they make me feel like a little kid still. This is taking over my life, my mum think's I'm a 'baby' for not being able to buy something on my own in the shop, or get the bus on my own. When I finish work I meet my 12 year old sister from school so she can get the bus with me. I can't talk to anyone because no one has been through this in my family so they don't really get it. 11 years worth of bullying and this is the end result. I hope one day I can overcome this, but until I find out how then I don't think I can. Anyway sorry this is kind of long but thank you for reading :)
unknowngirl2012 unknowngirl2012
18-21, F
2 Responses May 17, 2012

I hope for the best for you. I've been living with social anxiety for the last 20 years and I believe you will be able to to do better than I have done. You're realizing at a young age that you have an issue to deal with, although you seem to have the same problem that I have had with parents, family and friends not understanding what you are going through. Cognitive behavioral therapy will definitely help, medication may or may not be for you. That's something you"ll have to talk to your doctor about.

Thank you. I've realised this because so many people can do the most simple things that I find so scary to deal with if that makes sense? But yeah I hope I can get some sort of help soon. I'm 17 and can't keep going on like this.

I am the exact same way. It's funny actually because there are loads of people like us, trust me, but we can't find each other because we are too scared to come out of our comfort zone and do it. Anyways, I wish you the best of luck in conquering social anxiety and I hope I can someday overcome it also. Thanks for the deja vu/similar story of my life lol

I know what you mean, only my family know what I'm like but even they will never fully understand what it's like. The only people that understand how it feels is the people that have social anxiety themselves. I wish you the best of luck to :)