I've always been a cautious, sensitive kid. When I was younger, elementary school aged, I remember being so careful about what I said to people and the impression that I was giving. Usually I just gave up, and kept my mouth shut for most of the time.

I've been the same way ever since. I've also noticed that I get taken advantage of very easily. I have had two very close friends, and one of them blatently lied to me about something extremely serious, and then told me about it later, and the other one seems to be a pathological liar, and it took me about a year to figure that out, because she would never admit that. I am still very good friends with both of these individuals, because I am a wuss, and hate conflict. I am not entirely certain of my personality, because I seem to be a mashup of the traits I've observed and admired in others. Even writing, my one "talent", I am somewhat unsure of. I know that what I write is totally my own, but since I taught myself to write the way I do by reading profusely, I am not always entirely sure of my work.

I have issues with talking to people. I'm extremely awkward, find it difficult to look a person in the eye, and I always feel as though I'm in the way, like I'm a burden placed upon others. I hate answering the phone, I hate answering the doorbell, I hate buying things at stores where I have to deal with a cashier, I hate walking around my neighborhood and having to wave at people and try to be friendly. I like people...I really do, it's just they overwhelm me, and I'm always concerned about other people's opinions.

Anyway, all of the things that have been bottled up inside my head came out about 7 months ago, in the form of terrible grades and regular emotional breakdowns that became more and more difficult to hide. I now see a therapist, and am prescribed to the depression/anxiety med Zoloft. She told me I had Social Anxiety, and subsequent depression. I never realized that my problem with people was an actual condition until I saw a therapist. I highly urge everyone who thinks they have any sort of problem to ask their doctor, or research it on their own. If you feel like something is just not right, follow your gut and figure out the problem. I feel better now after 4 months of treatment, and I no longer feel depressed (though the social anxiety part is still huge for me).

LondonDodge LondonDodge
18-21, F
1 Response Jun 10, 2008

wow... I used to hate answering the doorbell too and presentations were HELL, right?<br />
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I can totally relate to you. And I also agree people with social anxiety should get help from doctors.