Crippling Anxiety Holds Me Back.

In the fifth grade, my friend called me at home on the telephone. My mother came into my room with the phone, and i panicked. I could not answer that phone. I cried, begged for her not to make me, but eventually i had to talk to my friend, in tears. That was my first experience with Social Anxiety Disorder.
I have what i have been told is 'spotlight effect,' where i uncontrollably feel as though everyone in a room is judging me at all times. It's like the feeling of being watched x12904375 and it's gotten worse with age.
It effects little things in life: answering a fb post, picking out the right birthday card, casual encounters.
It effects huge things in life: PHONE PHOBIA. I've never had a job because i'm afraid of the interview. I can't work out at the gym without a trainer to guide me. It's difficult to shop. This list goes on.
THE WORST PART: I LOVE PEOPLE. I have more compassion and empathy in my little body than i can hold. But this disorder has turned me into someone closed off, distant, and seemingly negative. I'm full of hope, faith and love. SO much love. But i can't share it.
UniquePetite UniquePetite
18-21, F
Dec 9, 2012