All Alone.

Hi I have or I think I have social anxiety. Here's my story:
When I was 8, my family moved and I had to move to a new school. That's when it started. I was REALLY shy. It got so bad I went weeks without saying anything all day. I started feeling really depressed I stopped eating, my parents started to notice but I couldn't tell them. They wouldn't understand. I didn't really care anymore. I guess you could say I didn't try at all. It was the same everyday.
Now I'm 14, I moved schools again this year. I thought this was a fresh start. I was wrong. I was constantly worrying about what people thought of me. I'd think they were always judging me and spent hours just choosing what I was going to wear. I didn't have any friends. And that made me feel really pathetic. Everyone knew me as the girl who had no friends. I was complete loner and I felt like a loser. Sometimes I wouldn't even go to lunch I'd hide in the bathroom the whole time. I didn't have anyone to sit with and cried in the stalls people would notice i was in the bathroom for a long time. That's when I started feeling suicidal and I didn't want to feel like that. I'd think 'why am I like this?' 'Whats wrong with me?' 'Im nothing' I cried my self to sleep everynight. When someone would try to talk to me, I would say nothing shrug or say it really quiet. Everyone eventually stopped trying to talk to me. They make it look so easy. My stomach feels really weird and my palms are always sweating. I hated going to school everyday and I still do. It's ruining my life and so many opportunities. I just want to be like everyone else. Not having to worry :(
And the worst part is, is that no one knows. It's just me. I'm trapped and I have no one. No friends and my family will just judge me like everyone else. I know it's all in my head, but I don't believe it. I hope one day I can overcome this. I hope one day I can look back and be proud that I did.
But I know it will never happen.
Wowwawa Wowwawa
13-15, F
7 Responses Dec 18, 2012

You're very much not alone. I am 32 years old and was recently diagnosed following a decade of knowing that I was going through this. I tried to write this off as just me being shy, but it wasn't so. It was more than that. I'm currently going through the same thing as you. I have a lot of people who,for whatever reason, have stopped communicating with me or appearing to want anything to do with me so far as our friendships are concerned. I tried so hard to get them to continue speaking with me,but they made zero effort. I know this post was originally posted a long time ago,but I hope you are doing better now and I hope you have found friends to talk to and people that like you. If you haven't and need help with your disorder, I do hope you can find the answer with therapy. I recently decided to get help and I am confident that I will get better with time. Don't give up!

I was exactly like this in gradeschool & highschool. It doesn't help that most people in those age groups are super judgemental and like to pick apart any flaws. Besides, once people have singled you out as the "quiet, weird one" it's very tough to break that stigma. Try to find some other people in your school who are also quiet and shy. Often, they want to make more friends - but just like you, are too afraid to spark up conversation with others. When you find other kids who share your personality traits, maybe they will accept you into their group. Try to find something in common with them, so that conversations will come naturally. Let me tell ya, it gets MUCH better after highschool. It was a battle for me to survive HS, but when I got into college & got a job, socializing came much easier. Real life throws you into situations where you have to have casual contact with others, and people are a bit less judgemental. After years of thinking something was wrong with me, I discovered I just needed a new environment in which to thrive. Good luck hun!

I have social anxiety disorder myself. Im 26 years old and at this point I have been just as bad as when I was 14. I know its really really hard to ask for help for this, But the sooner you try and get help the sooner you will find relief. I was to afraid to talk about it to anyone because they would judge me/make fun of me, and say Its all in my head and im just shy and will grow out of it. Anyone that actually cares about you will want to help you on this.

Again like everyone has said your not alone in this.

Best Wishes.

omg everything you said is exactly how i feel outside and inside :/ even the ages, its kinda weird. at 8 i was taken from my real Mom and put in foster homes that abused me and i shut down and shut out the entire world just like you said. everyone avoids me and still ignores me. i turned 14 in august. i was adopted earlier in spring and only went to school a few months before summer break but it was torture and i failed everything plus had to do summer classes. now this yr its just the same thing over and over. i shake like im having a siezure and my heart beats so loud i can barely hear anything. i hate crowds of ppl or having to be infront of ppl to talk. my new family took me to a football game and i panic so bad i puked and passed out then when i got up i was shaking they called 911 and everyne was staring at me. after that they make fun of me everywhere. i got no friends at all and i used to go to the bathroom stall just like u said but i would go there to cut and cry. cutting was the only way i could make the pain inside stop long enough to get thru the day. i have a therapist my dr sent me to that is trying to help me get over alot of this plus alot of problems i got from surviving abuse in foster homes. she is a very good therapist and it took me along time to trust her. she used to be so frustrated cause i would just sit there and not really answer her questions but now i am learning to tell her more, not everything but alot more than before. i tried to kill myself but my family found out now they scared and dont leave me alone if they go out. i have to stay on the edges of big crowds in stores like i was in tonight. we went to movie theater and i wanted to go in early so i wouldnt panic but they waited until the crowds were pouring in and out. i went to the bathroom and puked i was so nervous idk why i do that. they dont understand they say i just need to calm down but i cant it just you not alone. i just wanted you to know that. it still sux and i dont know how to fix it butmaybe one day we will be past it.

you are not alone-I'm right there with you merry christmas

you are not alone-I'm right there with you, its hard, really hard, but everything will turn out for the best eventually. I promise

no you are not alone - there are millions of people that have social anxiety - i am one of those people - i just cant find anyone i can relate to and i am fine with that - i just want you to know that you are not alone and there are so many people in the same boat as you