All Alone.Hi I have or I think I have social anxiety. Here's my story:
When I was 8, my family moved and I had to move to a new school. That's when it started. I was REALLY shy. It got so bad I went weeks without saying anything all day. I started feeling really depressed I stopped eating, my parents started to notice but I couldn't tell them. They wouldn't understand. I didn't really care anymore. I guess you could say I didn't try at all. It was the same everyday.
Now I'm 14, I moved schools again this year. I thought this was a fresh start. I was wrong. I was constantly worrying about what people thought of me. I'd think they were always judging me and spent hours just choosing what I was going to wear. I didn't have any friends. And that made me feel really pathetic. Everyone knew me as the girl who had no friends. I was complete loner and I felt like a loser. Sometimes I wouldn't even go to lunch I'd hide in the bathroom the whole time. I didn't have anyone to sit with and cried in the stalls people would notice i was in the bathroom for a long time. That's when I started feeling suicidal and I didn't want to feel like that. I'd think 'why am I like this?' 'Whats wrong with me?' 'Im nothing' I cried my self to sleep everynight. When someone would try to talk to me, I would say nothing shrug or say it really quiet. Everyone eventually stopped trying to talk to me. They make it look so easy. My stomach feels really weird and my palms are always sweating. I hated going to school everyday and I still do. It's ruining my life and so many opportunities. I just want to be like everyone else. Not having to worry :(
And the worst part is, is that no one knows. It's just me. I'm trapped and I have no one. No friends and my family will just judge me like everyone else. I know it's all in my head, but I don't believe it. I hope one day I can overcome this. I hope one day I can look back and be proud that I did.
But I know it will never happen.
Wowwawa 13-15, F 6 Responses 9 Dec 18, 2012