I Need Someone To Connect With

I wonder if I'll ever have someone that I'm comfortable with. I feel this awful emptiness inside me that im clueless as to how to fill it up. I long for a connection with someone without having to be drunk or messed up on pills in order to feel it. Even when I'm messed up and have these fake connections with strangers who I think I might possibly be able to connect with the next morning, I wake up feeling ashamed, dumb, and more empty than I already was. part of me wants to go out and get drunk and forget these problems and these feelings, but lately even doing that has begun to feel pointless like everything else. I used to get a little satisfaction from doing that, but now it doesn't matter what I do, nothing is pleasing. Nothing seems to matter. I must have lost feeling somewhere between the depression and the anxiety. What do I do? truth is,I'm really scared. I can't help but wonder if things with me will ever be any different. It scares me more than anything. I tell myself that I can't keep worrying like this, that it only will make things worse, but it's hard. The fear consumes me. I just want to scream as loud as I can for someone to help me, someone ******* help me!!! Where's God? Is there a point to this mess that is called my life? Is there a point to suffering or is it in vain? If I can't feel anything, then what's the point of doing anything at all? Every single thing in this world and in my life is truly pointless because I feel absolutely nothing. Maybe I'm dead. Forgive me for being so dramatic. I guess that's what happens after dealing with ten years of confusion, depression, and anxiety.
xxdaydreams xxdaydreams
22-25, F
4 Responses Jan 11, 2013

reading this felt like you were telling my story I can understand and relate to what your feeling,its horrible and the feeling of loneliness is unbearable but you ant stop these feelings of anxiety coming through as long as you come to terms with what your suffering from and where it came from you have no choice put to try and fix it because no person can live this way forever

Don't worry, I understand why you may feel so desolate and depressed. You're not being dramatic, you're telling how you feel. Besides, It's better to just let it out lol. As a matter of fact, I'm kind of jealous because my emotions and everything that I feel feel like they're locked inside my heart and I find it difficult to add emotion to anything I do. You should see me at school, lol. There I'm just a person hollowed out and devoid of anything. Anyways, I'm so sorry my comment was so long XD but yeah, before we expect for people to like us, we have to like ourselves first :)

Dear Sis,

Thank you for sharing your pain honestly. I have been close to where you are and it hurts bad. I was very surprised to find God loves me...makes everything easier. I pray you will come to know He loves you too.

Love, Yr Older Brother

Well lady I think it would be a good time to find you a Bible some where and start reading it. There is a god in heaven that cares a lot about you and loves you no matter what you have done in your life. We are all sinners and have come short of the glory of God. When Jesus was on this earth He came for the purpose of saving us sinners. If you want your life to mean something that would be the best thing you can do is to ask for forgiveness and ask Jesus to come into your heart and He will do it and change you life. I hope that you will do it. God Bless You

I have asked Jesus to come into my life and somethings I do feel somewhat hopeful because of him but I don't know.maybe my downward thinking is just a horrible habit that I need to break.

How wonderful you too have Jesus in your life. He promises me he will bring me through no matter how hard life gets. I trust He will do the same for you.