Depressed and So Socially Anxious
about a year ago, I fell in to a socially anxious coma and I am just now slowly waking up from it. When it first happened, I had to summon extreme courage just to get my butt out of the house. Once out of the house I suffered a few major panic attacks, and many minor ones. It was insane! I didn't want to see my life long friends (I was became isolated very quickly).
Within the last 3 months or so, it has gotten a lot better. I have been talking with my roomates and hanging out with them a little bit again. However, I still like my alone time and space. I am slowly recognizing the importance of just taking baby steps everyday. Say one extra thing to the cashier at the grocery store. Look one more person in the eye. slowly confidence comes out of this and you begin to realize the world and its peopole aren't so scary.
I myself still have a very long way to go. I am still depressed, some days worse than others. I don't have much self-esteem or confidence, however the confidence is coming along as I force myself to hang out with friends from time to time. I am working on treating my self better by getting rid of negative self-talk (I'm sure we all know what that is). Negative Talk is my worst enemy. Isn't it funny to think that you yourself are responsible for mindf***king yourself? I've created this Phobia myself!
The brain is a powerful thing. It will achieve whatever is dominating your thoughts and visualizations. If you are positive about life then generally you will have positive outcomes. Likewise, if you have negative views of yourself, you may manifest those views into a reality. I see myself doing it time and time again. I talk myself into thinking that I won't know what to say (so I don't say anything). Or, this person will think I'm wierd if I don't sit down and have a eye-to-eye conversation with him, but I'm afraid of what I might say, (so I don't have much of a conversation, and little to no eye contact). At this point I think this person is looking at me and judging me wondering why I won't engage in the conversation. Now I try reading his thoughts about how he is analying me and my movements and judging me. I begin to think that I need to move perfectly or just act normal, but at the same time I worry I will start shaking, and what happens I start shaking.... So after all that, my original worry thought was that I would appear wierd, and I would have to say that after that entire conversation in my thoughts achieved just that... I probably did come off a little wierd...
I am mindf***king myself. I am working on countering those negatives with positives. I used to go to sleep visualizing shooting free throws and making them. Needless to say, I was a 90% free throw shooter. So now I am going to sleep praying for guidance and protection from God and also going over my list of positive attributes that I should be proud of.
Thats it.. Sorry if it was too long