I Worry So Much, I Can't Catch A Wink Of SleepIf you can't sleep, might as well write away your worries. What scares me the most isn't death. Death is absolute. you can't escape it. It WILL happen. what scares me is the future, because its so hard to imagine what the decisions you make today can lead to tomorrow.
I feel like an unsure person. I'm always doubting myself. I can't come to a decision even over something as small as, what I'm going to wear tomorrow.
You can already guess that that makes me pretty slow as well. I'll admit that I don't know a lot of things but I'm not stupid. I hate this part of me; its embarrassing. Sometimes I'm in a conversation listening to other people talk and I want the ground to swallow me up because when they look at me, I have no idea what to say.
Most of my life's been spent with my head lowered and my eyes roaming the ground beneath my feet. I'm shy, I'll admit. When it comes to social interactions I don't know what to do. I feel like such a loser, like I shouldn't be there. and I'm scared of letting people down, and letting people into my private thoughts. I'm scared of embarrassing myself in front of a large crowd of strangers and having them laugh at how stupid I look.
I don't remember the last time I felt confident in my own abilities. The last time I held my head up high and stopped feeling guilty for things I shouldn't blame myself for. The last time I had a peaceful night's rest, not worrying about a billion different things that I'll have to wake up and face the next morning.
My brain's gonna pop one of these days if I don't find a way to chill.