People Just Make Me Nervous

On thinking it through, this title is not entirely accurate.  People that I don't really know make me nervous.

 

I have tried and tried, but unless I already know a person I find it increasingly hard to talk to them.  Because of this, I can count the people I know on one had.  I don't find it so hard to talk to people online, but can't cope with talking to a stranger on the phone, let alone in person.  I don't even really like going into shops, and often don't leave the house (even sometimes going without lunch) unless I really have to.

 

I owe this to repeated bullyings and back-stabbings from my so called friends for my entire life.  Everytime I start to trust someone, they usually stab me in the back.  Like my housemates, for example.  They let me live with them because I was being horribly bullied by my previous flatmates, only for them to turn out to be even worse.  I frequently just find myself sitting in my room, crying, but know there is nothing I can do.  I am a University student, and have no where else that I can live as my only other friend in the area lives in a studio appartment with her boyfriend.

 

I know that all it would take for me to feel better would be a few good friends, whom I could talk to openly and see on a regular basis, but with the problems I have talking to strangers it looks like I'm never going to get better.

Ryuuzaki Ryuuzaki
22-25, F
13 Responses Oct 13, 2008

Relating to a small group will always be easier for shy people like us! Esp if you can find one with a common interest, and more than a social grouping.

I've found it better since starting my MA as it meant that I was seeing the same small group of people every day - it makes it a lot easier to make friends than when you're one person in a sea of hundreds.

I don't have any problem with you flagging me, Groffy. I've favourited you in return.

Good on you for trying - keeping on doing the kind of things that will give you the odd break through. Don't expect immediate or 100% success.<br />
Some people in my family just attracted bullying, and my SIL finally schooled them at home till they enrolled at uni. They've gone on to greater things (one even a PhD), but the whole family struggles in the area you do so much. Like me they'll never we socialites. So what? We have other areas where we shine.<br />
Yet within the family and at their church this family knows and feels they are "safe".<br />
So don't let one or more failures with interest groups put you off trying again some time.<br />
You could also check the web or your library on how to deal with bullying behaviour. My wife as a teacher has a lot of resource material on her shelves. It's a big problem in schools - but also after that life stage.<br />
If you don't mind I'll flag you as a fan so I can follow your path more easily. Don't respond if you feel uncomfortable with that and I'll withdraw my "flag" after a while.

Thanks for your support, Auro. I've added you as a friend.<br />
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I do think that this community is wonderful for the reason you say. It's also a lot easier to talk to someone online then it is face to face. I quite like blogging too, so I can get some anger out in a place where my flatmates can't find me.<br />
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I'll look forward to talking to you more :)

Wow that sounds awful, there are few things worse than feeling lonely, especially in a room of crowded people having a good time.<br />
That advice bout joining groups is good as is your own bout talking to strangers - I made a total idiot of myself the first day of high school - i knew no one so just walked up to a random girl and introduced myself - she had no idea what to do and kinda just left me hanging but never mind. Usually people respond well. <br />
I hope you can gain some strength and confidence with the support of your Ep friends (pick me! lol) that you can take into the real world :)

I was part of a group last year, and I was bullied out of it. That's part of the trouble...

Could you join a common interest group? Say music (band or orchestra, singing, discussion), or drama, photography etc? Being passionate about something is a great lubricant that brings people together and reduces the likelihood of nastiness - although there are bullies and controllers everywhere - even in churches and charities!<BR>When I get into company I tend to sit on the sidelines until I feel confident enough to play - that's ok. With some of your powerful and traumatic experiences you'll need determination to go beyond yourself - but you can and (as said elsewhere) I'm confident you will make progress.<BR>Go quietly and patiently, but never give up. It's all worth it in the end, making us stronger, more experienced and sensitive.

well looks you doing well so enjoy

Well, it's not that easy. I actually really suck at making conversation. Not only that, I have social anxiety too. So, anytime I actually want to talk to someone, I get so nervous that I just freeze or change my mind. idk... it's just really hard. I'm not a normal person... so that advice doesn't work for me, lol. I think your advice alone got me nervous. I appreciate it though. Thank you.

Hi Minnie. I completely sympathise with you. After four years, I still have hardly any friends. My advice to you is to make conversation with everyone and anyone - even when waiting in the laundry room or anything. Especially within the first few months of University, there are plenty of people who are looking for friends.<br />
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A bit hypocritical, I know, as I'm bad at doing that but I'm told it works.

Hi. I'm exactly like you. I just started college and I just moved in the dorms a month and a half ago, but I still haven't made any friends. I'm so lonely. Everybody else has made friends so easily, but not me. I also feel like if I just had 1 or two close friends, I could be happy. But I'm too scared to meet new people.

Well you have just find one. We are here all somehow broken but kicking. Welcome to EP and please go through my stories and if you like it most welcome to send some line. Don't give up hope and be positive. We are here for each other no bullying here. <br />
Nice to meet you and good luck