Too Scared to Have a Life

So I know for fact, the biggest thing holding me back from myself and my goals and my LIFE is my anxiety. I will be honest, I have never been to a doctor or psychiatrist about it. Never been properly diagnosed or put on medications, but would you like to know why? Because I am TOO SCARED. I've held two jobs in my life. One I was extremely lucky to get, my first one. I was bawling my eyes out in fear for weeks before I got it, I was sure I was too scared to face an interview. But I was handed the job and never had to go through with it. The second time I was completely pushed into it and had tears in my eyes all the while it was going on. That job lasted 2 weeks. I ran away. I was too scared to tell my boss I quit, nothing. I just left. That is me. I have medical ailments (nothing very serious) but I refuse to go to the Doctor. I would LOVE to be able to. But I can't. There are a million things normal people do everyday that I sit alone in my room and cry about for days at a time because the mere thought of it scares the hell out of me. My mother suffers from extreme social anxiety and anxiety and I am pretty much sure that is how I am as well.

For the most part of my life - I couldn't even buy something in a store, I could stand next to the register while someone else bought my thing with my money, but I couldn't do it myself. Couldn't order food at a resturaunt. Couldn't call a complete stranger for any reason whatsoever. There is just SO much that this problem has taken away from me. It's wrenching that I have to admit to this, and still - do nothing about it. I am kind of at a place where I am like, what's next? Hide in my home the rest of my life. I am too scared to get a job or rent an apt. or walk into the grocery store, how am I ever going to support myself or future family? When my kids are in school am I going to miss out on conferences or school activities because I am too scared to go unless someone is holding my hand and directing me what to say?

I think another related issue is my inability to make decisions. Whether it's what to eat for dinner or what to say to someone -  I can never think properly on my own. Not out loud anyway.

Help. Someone. I don't know what to do anymore, for real. It gets worse more and more everyday. I mean - I have so many friends online and what not that want to see me all the time and make these plans with me - I cannot even agree to seeing my friends. I have no life I am almost 20 years old and been out of school since I was 16 and living with my aunt and uncle living my life for them. I babysit and clean and everything everyday. I do nothing I have nothing anymore... I am just stuck. =/

BlazzinBebe88 BlazzinBebe88
18-21, F
14 Responses Oct 20, 2008

There is no need to be anxious anymore, as I am here to help your worries dissappear. I will try to get to the point without boring you but I am still learning how to communicate faster, so please read on.

I can relate to you in so many ways, though I did end up seeking help because I became afraid of myself, my loved ones, everyone. I became paranoid and didnt trust anyone, not even myself.

Seeking help was a giant leap for me, it opened my eyes and started me on my lifes journey. I have discovered a manajory of different ways to improve my anxiety by improving my health and wellness.I have been down the road of prescription medications, this is a very dangerous road and I would highly recommend choosing a holisic approach towards yoir troubles.

Medication hides the symptoms (tricks your body) so you think your feeling better. Your body relies on this medication but at the same time the body is rejecting the forren bodies you have given it. This is because the body is only made to digest plant matter and occationally some animal matter.

Anyway a little off topic lol
There are so many ways to build your confidence in the world, so many help options. I found through my own experience that medicinal herbs combined with healthy eating habits (alkaline based fruits and veg), and daily routine of meditation and
routine in general, dug me out of my hole.

Meditation will bring to you the greatest gift you could ever wish for. Do your research on meditation and find out all of the benefits. Every morning you wake, to start your day with a relaxing meditation before you even get out of bed. Here is a link to help you get started with your meditation.

I truely belive holistic health can cure anything. Through my personal experience and by reading others experiences I found that to achieve optimum health you must learn and listen to your mind, body, environment and spirit. Here are a few more links that will help in your lifes journey.

Look within and find yourself. This is the only way you can release your anxiety and let it go forever. Trust me I have been in your shoes, strive towards optimum health and the sky is your limit. Believe in yourself.

Awwwwww I was the samn way about having some one Buy my things at the grocery districts I was too scared But later on I got better at it ...but to this day I am still terrified of getting a job and I haven't got a job yet because of it the same way with driving And I just turns 21 ...and I am hard to get over it ..I know it's a late *** post ..but I under stand 😓😓

I completely understand. I've read this so many times. I cant find a single person that understands. If I don't get a job the love of my life is going to leave me. I'm also terrified of being alone. I have panic attacks daily. I dont know what to do either. I'm sorry I can't help you. I'm in the Same boat. I cant even have a life.. I've never had a job and even when I think about it i start bawling for hours and before I know it the day is over.

Add a response...hi there , my heart goes out to you ,when I was your age I felt exactly the same I lent on my poor mum for everything ,to scared to pay for things in the shop ,couldn't handle people ,constantly anxious ,I was prescribed lorazepam which calmed my nerves no end but I became addicted and took more and more ,I got pregnant and had to come of them and went through hell with side effects ,I married a business man and he expected me to join him at Christmas party's and dinner parties ,I panicked for weeks and on the day of the event said I was ill ,I was with him for 20 years and it never told him about my social phobia ,he thought I couldn't be bothered to go out with him ,eventually I went to the dr ,he prescribed me seroxate ,at first it made my anxiety worse for a week but am I glad I persevered ,the change in my social anxiety was like magic ,for the first time ever I enjoyed life and people's company ,my anxiety went and I felt happy ,do seek help ,you only have one life don't live it in fear ,best of luck to you all xx

Add a response...

Please reply with authenticity, support, and respectHey this response is years later. But I just wanted to say thanks because my life has gotten to a similar point. I started having social anxiety 9 years ago. Quit my job a few weeks after because I was almost crying trying to do the work in fear, since I had no idea what was wrong with me. Then after I went on a vacation with my folks to Mexico for 2 weeks, I remember I could barely ask for a cookie from the flight attendant. I just pushed through it, try to learn about it, saw a counsellor, finished grade 12 and worked selling icecream at a stand for my mom. I felt like I was going forward but I got into a relationship with a girl that year and just weeks into it I started shutting down from anxiety from it. I broke up with her to get relief, sucks cause she was awesome. But she's happily married now. After that for years I did all that positive affirmation stuff and started college, even did presentations, but underneath it all I had this thing that would surface from certain situations but I always worked around it or pushed through it 9/10 times. I moved out of my folks place to get away from my abusive dad thinking it would help me fully overcome my anxiety. Long story short, each of the 4 places I moved around to, I had got major anxiety and left each place. If it wasn't from my roommate, it was from the people who were against us upstairs, and at last it was a group of girls across the street that wanted to be my friend or date me. I just kept pushing but I ended up having a nervous breakdown after months. I don't get panic attacks I just get triggered (people and relationships) by things and it will just build for days, and weeks and months even as I face it. Long story short the breakdown got me back in my folks basement. Lost everything almost. But at the time was still able to go to appointments to get help. I never did anti-depressant type of meds for longer than few days because I don't believe in them and all the side effects. Plus my anxiety is always triggered by interpersonal stuff so the root I was/am sure is cognitive (I did take some benzodiazapines in the last few years the odd day here and there). Slowly it got worse. I'm at a point now that I can't book an appointment, or even send a text to anyone and say hey whats up without triggering my anxiety that will go 24/7 until the commitment it done or I get a reply and finish the convo. I just kept facing these things with my anxiety by instead of desensitizing, it went the other way which breaks my heart because it wasn't suppose to be like this. At this point, I've got almost nothing left, my body is in severe pain and fatigue from the years and especially last few months of anxiety. I can still go to the store and buy things even though its hard and embarrassing because I've lost most of my personality. But I can't even commit to driving my dad somewhere without severe anxiety. They say there is a way always, but I really don't see one outside of a miracle. Lots of people around me that talk to my mom are mad that I'm not getting help even though I've been seeing a counsellor by booking short term appointments. But when I was better off for years and talked to the same people about my issue, they told me to just shake it off. Now that I'm truly half dead, now they are paying attention. When that attention itself gives me anxiety. I can't even plan to go to a family dinner without 24/7 anxiety the moment I commit. I can only make a deal that I will maybe come but I may not. Then that keeps my anxiety off until I decide last minute and just go for it and get it done. I use to plan stuff and just sit through my anxiety for days thinking it would burn off. But it just went the other way. God bless those people who face their fears head on and actually move forward.

Hi there, even though you posted this ages ago, i wanted to let you know that things will get better. Because your current situation is not your final destination. Something in me just makes me believe that in everyone's life, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Whatever that light is, it will be different for everybody. But we will all see it, one way or another at one point in our lives. The difficulties are often what makes us stronger as we walk blind through the darkness.

Therefore, it is hard to live in hope when all you see is the darkness, and your current pain, only made stronger by the feelings of anxiety and all those moments that makes them worse.

It's okay. Accept it. Accept that right now, you are troubled, and that you are not everybody's cup of tea. You are trying to push yourself to not feel like this, but it cannot be helped. Just like we cannot help it if we catch a cold, we just have to surrender and get some rest to let our body recover.

You're okay, because you are not alone. It still surprises me how many people in this world suffer from social anxiety, and yet everyday i feel like everybody but me has it together.

Don't fight it anymore. Too much pressure comes from saying "i mustn't be like this" or "i need to be this and that". i only learned about this recently but this type of pressure we put on ourselves is an act of perfectionism, which obviously comes from our need to "perform" well in front of others with our social ability. But it only pushes us to failure, because there is no such thing as perfect in this world. Even grades to pass in school and further education is 50%.

Acceptance is the best remedy, because it is just like the act of accepting/loving yourself as you are, right here, right now. Once you accept yourself, everything else will fall into place. In a state of social anxiety, our natural reaction is to get extrinsic approval from others so that we can use that to validate ourselves. The best form of validation will come from you.

Let me be the first to say it: you're okay. life is just happening to you that's all. You've gotten out of it before, you can get out of it again. What lines behind us and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

I am the exact same way. I'm 22. I'm terrified to talk yo people on the phone. I've always had trouble with it. The one thing that has helped me overcome this fear is by writing out what I want to say before I call anyone. Of course I still have to talk on the fly but I have the gist of what I wanted to say written in front of me. I have had 2 jobs. Both of which I dreaded every day. The first job I had to quit because every time I had to go into work I worked myself up so much that I was physically getting sick from nerves. The second job was easier. I'm again trying to look for a new job (I've graduated college recently) I've had a really hard time getting myself under control to try to find a job. I'm terrified. I hate talking to people. I've recently been over eating due to nerves about finding a job. I Never go anywhere by myself, unless I absolutely have too. This issue is so hard yo explain to people. They just think you need yo grow up or are making a big deal out of nothing. It's so difficult when you are consumed by nerves. I've gotten to the point that if someone i dont know stands too close to me I literally hold my breath until they move away.

I absolutely understand how you feel. I am in this position now and have been since the day I was born. I have always been a nervous wreck. I'm 21 years old and I don't have a driver's license or a job. I go to college, but that's it. Over the past couple of years I have learned to get over some parts of my anxiety such as going in the store and buying something. I used to be so nervous about doing that and refused to buy something when my mom asked me too. She told me that I had to learn to get over the fear of talking and being around people. After awhile I started going in the store and buying things myself. Now I am not scared to do it because I've gotten used to it. I'm not scared to go to college and sit with people in a classroom. I'm not even scared to order something at a restaurant myself anymore. The only things I'm scared of now is getting my license and a job. Those fears are the hardest to overcome. I got my learner's permit in 2012 and have rarely used it. Last summer my mom was teaching me how to drive, but I gave up on myself because I panicked. I was always afraid that I would get into an accident. I am just like you about the job situation. I have applied for jobs in 2012 and have gone to a few interviews, but I was never hired anywhere. I think that's because I'm not too good with interviews. I freeze up and never know what I'm supposed to say or the right way to answer a question. It's embarrassing because the manager would look at me in frustration when I didn't say anything, but I couldn't help that my nerves were taking control. A lot of questions people ask you seem complicated to answer. I'm also afraid that if I am hired somewhere that I'll humiliate myself my doing a task wrong or messing something up. My mom can't stand my negativity and she gets irritated with me, but her yelling at me doesn't make things any better. It makes my anxiety worse. I also have trouble with talking to people on the phone unless it's a family member I'm close to. My dad complains all the time that I need to grow up, especially get my license. He gets on my back all the time about it. I feel like I'm a disappointment and a failure to him. He expects me to just forget about my fears and go out and do things. Even though he and my mom are divorced and he lives elsewhere, he calls me every now and then to see if I have gotten my license or a job yet. I understand that if I tried my best to grow up, that In time I'll get used to it and I won't be as scared, but I'm afraid of taking the first step. I feel as though I'll be depending on my mom for as long as she lives. The problem is that she won't be here all my life and one day I will have to do things on my own. She told me once that she can no longer speak for me since I'm now an adult and that I need to take care of things on my own. I wish it were that simple. I really need a push to grow up I understand how you feel. We both need to get over this phobia somehow.

I think all of us should meet up because we all are between 20 - 25 and have the same problem

We should .. I swear i thought i was the only one in the world with this same problems

I know this topic is over a few years old lol, but yea I also have this problem. I'm 22 and only had a job once, the only reason I was able to get a job was because my sis knew the manager and I barely had to do anything to get it. I hated that job and only was able to keep it for 3 months until one day I overslept and never showed up at work ever again. I did see a therapist and was prescribed anxiety drugs, but all of them made me have suicidal thoughts. Now I'm at a point where I'm almost giving up, and the feeling I wake up to is I NEED TO SMOKE WEED! ASAP. I have been going on like this since I left high school at 16, funny thing is that years seem like months and weeks feel like days. Time is no friend of mine and its starting to scare me to the point where I have lost faith in my ability to change. Maybe my problem are ba<x>sed on growing up with my mother on drugs, maybe the problems happened without me even knowing, point is now I do know but I can't stand this fast paced industrial way of living. Its making me sick thinking about how I'm going to support myself, and time going faster and faster doesn't help either. Point I'm trying to make is even if did have a job, I probably still wouldn't be happy. God help us all!

What you wrote mirrors my life perfectly. I know I have a problem, but at this point I just don't know what to do. I'm also 22.
Weeks and months fly by me like days and hours.
I've only ever had one job and it hired basically everyone who applied. I lasted a week before my anxiety got the best of me and I stopped showing up for work. I left school at 16-17 and haven't been back since. The city I live in has a major shortage of jobs, and nobody wants to hire someone who hasn't got a high school diploma, like me. I just feel like I'm drowning and I can't reach the surface.
I'm tired of depending on my parents for shelter, food, and anything else I happen to need.
At least it's comforting knowing there are other people who feel the same way as I do.

I have to say when I read these comments I actually did start to cry. I came across this post today when I googled I am afraid to get a job...I felt really pathetic typing that. I'm 21 years old going on 22 in two weeks. I have never held an official job, besides babysitting my aunt's kids. It's been a while since I started feeling the anxiety, my mother was on alcohol and drugs when she concieved me up until i was in my late teens and has been mia. Sometimes i want to blame her for feeling ruined but then i think its just me. Growing up I've felt pretty normal until a few years ago. I have been isolating myself from family and associates, I have spent most of my time everyday in my room for the past three years. I feel like I'm not living, the days all mesh together like someone above me mentioned, the years seem like months and weeks feel like days. I want to go out and socialize with people and family and go to school and get a job but just thinking about it scares me. Ive lost friends I used to be inseparable with, everyone is moving on with their life and I feel stuck and trapped in a box. My family tells me I need to get a job and do this and that but I'm scared to talk to people or that I'll make a mistake, interviews make me extremely nervous and worried and ive only ever had two and i felt sick to my stomach. I feel like no one will hire me, I stopped attending community college after a yr and switched to online classes. I feel uncomfortable and sick when I go to public places with my sister. I feel like failing my family myself and life. I know my father feels burden because i cant step up and sometimes I feel it would be easier if I wasn't here. I laugh somedays and immediately cry in solitude. My head and my heart hurts, I feel OK sometimes but it doesn't seem to last long . I start to feel so lost and disconnected. I feel like im babbling right now and not making sense but this is the first time I've wrote about myself like this and seeing others similar just comforted me a little.

You definitely didn't "babble." my story is super similar. I made it pretty far after initially getting my social anxiety 9 years ( posted a nutshell story of myself today). But I'm worse than I've been now. Worst thing is my body is in severe pain and fatigue now. Its like the anx has burned holes in parts of my body. My heartbeat is all messed up too, skips and murmurs....I could go on. Thanks for sharing.

I joined this website because of your post. I am 19 years old, 20 in a month. And everything you said I can fully relate to. I don't know where I'm going with life. The reason I searched for this is because I just got off the phone with someone who wanted to interview with me. She asked me to come in today for an interview and I asked if we could a different time. (Said I have something to do... Ha.) She said the training class starts the day we chose. So I would have to wait a few weeks for the next class... The first time the phone got disconnected and I had to call her back.... after I cried because I had to build up the courage to. It was horrible but I knew I had to do it. I don't even want to work sometimes. But mainly, I wanted to ask you. How is your life now? Has your anxiety gotten any better? Did you land a job? I'm curious and will check the site later in hopes of a response from you.

1 More Response

I fully understand as I have and still do suffer from anxiety, being worried and scared all of the time for no apparent reason. This in turn causes depression because I feel as if it is out of my control, like a disease. I feel that I have wasted years on thinking negatively and boyfriends in the past have said "don't think too much" or "you spend too much time in your own head" is one of my Mother's favourites. I did not want to be like this which is when I learned to become my own best friend . I understood myself too which helped but at the same time made matters worse as it alienated people around me ( just kept thinking - what do you know? you don't get me? and why can't you get me?). Poeple irritated the life out of me, I am not just saying it but I reckon that deep thinkers and far more interesting to talk to, it is such a shame that we can't all get together and vent our feelings. I don't reckon much on doctors as they only have an allocated amount of time with each patient and I don't think 10 minutes is enough for me to let out what is really going on in head. My anxieties are due to heart surgery that I had when I was young and I live in a post traumatized state since. I am still holding out hope that I will eventually meet someone who understands me and my thoughts but in the meantime I have myself, my best friend. TTFN x

I can definitely relate. I, too, am 20 (almost 21) and have not had a regular job in my life. I'm ashamed of that, but unfortunately, I don't feel very confident in applying. I've even felt nervous when inquiring about jobs that were HIRING...OVER THE PHONE.<br />
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I think I'm just too worried about what people are going to say and fear that I'll be embarrassed for even asking certain questions. I guess I can be oversensitive about the things people say, and I fear my future after college when about the only thing left to do is look for a job. I've seen online about how you're apparently not just supposed to fill out an online application and leave it at that if you expect to find work and that you're basically supposed to annoy the manager into interviewing you. But that's just the thing. I'm afraid of doing that. I'm afraid to ask them the status of my application, as they might act like it's a dumb question and like it would be a ridiculous request anyway, as there might be hundreds or thousands of applications. Asking just once would be bad enough, but doing it several times...I can only imagine.<br />
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I'm not exactly sure why I've felt so worried about all this. I think it's maybe been just a few incidents in my life where I've said or done something I didn't think was so bad but then felt that people acted like it was a dumb statement or dumb thing to do, and I got embarrassed as a result. I, too, haven't really been to a doctor about this, but for the sake of my future, I really need to get my anxiety under control. I don't know how much a doctor would cost, though. I might try a doctor, but I might also just try to see if I can use some self-help techniques to get myself out of this mess, although I don't know how effective that would be.<br />
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In any event, I sympathize with you and wish you the best of luck in getting over your anxiety :).

And thank you all for the support and words of encouragement..

I know... I know more than anything.. and there are other things wrong with me that I have been dealing with (physological ailments and also just physical ones) for a long time, I am just too scared. When I do rarely get an appt. for whatever, my eye dr., my dentist, anything -- someone else calls for me and goes there to basically hold my hand, when it comes to talking - I sit in silence too scared and they talk for me.. it's really tough.<br />
I know I need help and I want help.. but I just am not brave enough to do it..<br />
Only when I am pushed to the max and it's practically life or death I do things I am scared to do.. even then, ugggh... I wish I wasn't like this, I really wish I wasn't. <br />
It's why I spend 23 hours of a day online, sad to say, because it's the only place I know I can be open and free and be myself, the one hidden deep inside. It's weird because I am one of the most "annoying" talkative crazy people ever.. but ONLY when I am by my self or with people I am very close with.. like my sibs and my mom and my boyfriend.. <br />
It's so incredibly hard.

I love shopping at Wal Mart because the one where I live has a self check out thing so there is no one I have to talk to. I know how you feel. For the longest time I got my family or boyfriend to do everything for me that involved having to talk to people. The phone is the worst for me. I know I need to make a doctors appointment but I keep putting it off, making excuses. <br />
You need to get some help. I know it's way easier said than done but it's the only way you're going to get any better. You have to force yourself to pick up the phone and make an appointment.

you are like my the same way..but it has gotten a little better but i call it my good days..i dont go to the store unless its one i know and i go once a month..sometimes i cant go..but then again..ive been able to see why i have social anxiety is because i can feel the negative energy off of locations and people.. so thats why its hard for me to go places..even talking on the phone is hard..if you need to talk to someone about if further message me..i think it helps to talk to others who understand it..because the one's who dont.. make it worse for the only one in my family like this..and they have been harsh on me for a long time about it..