Always Afraid

I've been shy as far as I can remember, staying away from people - but I could talk and socialize and things if I really wanted to. But after being the butt of a pratical joke invloving the only 'relationship' I've had (in that the relationship was the joke), I can't do anything social and it's been getting worse.

I work in fast food and can't even get a promotion for 2 years because my anxiety just gets to me. It's like I can't physically speak or if I do it's almost subvocal. I can't go to college since any class has a personal reference presentation sort of assignment and I can't handle that, so I just stop attending after that point.

I can't answer phones and have to screen every call to see if it's someone I can 'stand' to talk to. My anxiety kicks up just thinking about the situations that make me anxious. ><.

Because of it I haven't had any romantic relationships, and only a handful of friends (who are also socially akward by 'normal' standards, but awesome people). Since I moved, though, I don't have any contact with anyone.

The kicker is that since my job has no health coverage for entry position, I can't even get medication/theraphy, and I can't get a better job because of the college thing. It's just a downward spiral of increased anxiety and extremely annoying.

Also, I can't/don't blush, but instead have a reflexive grin everyone thinks that I don't talk because I'm arrogant or something. I get especially stressed when prompted, to the point that I can't respond. Only plus is that as long as the communication is mostly annoymous, even if I know who they are or vise versa I can function normally.

-Sorry for being so all over the place, but my brain is fried at the moment. ><

DarkRaven DarkRaven
22-25, M
2 Responses Jul 16, 2007

I don't take orders, or deal with the public. = Only make the food, though just dealing with my coworkers is generally stressful even though they are not mean or evil.

I dont know how you manage to work with the public! That takes courage I dont have for a start! I know what you mean about the not being able to get meds thing.. I have no prescription insurance either and those are SO expensive. :-(