It was my first day of my Senior year today. My last first day of high school, by this time around you'd think that'd I would have figured out how to fit in and socialize like a regular human being. For the millionth time, I chicken out of trying to talk to someone who I think may be a potential friend. Every year I make a promise to myself to be more outgoing and make new friends, but I just can't.

It's not that I over think it or that I care what others think of me, because I really don't. When I am made to talk to someone, my mind immediately goes blank and I start to shake and mentally freak out. You know, everyone tells me, "Jus talk to them!", "They'll like you either way.", or my personal favorite, "It's not that hard to go up to someone and say 'hi!'." Because for me, it is.

I can't explain to someone what social anxiety is like to someone who does not have it or has never experienced it. It's terrifying, I can't even order a pizza over the phone without freaking out.

I always play out these scenario conversations in my head when I think about talking to someone, but I know it will never happen because I can't pick up the courage to strike up a conversation with them.

I just wish I knew how to talk to people like a normal person would.
ThatDarnKatz ThatDarnKatz
18-21, F
Aug 21, 2014