So Many Sounds

I hear the voices outside of my door... my brother and his friends speaking... I dont know what to do.. Im scared, im gona do something stupid, embarress myself... All i wanna do is be able to hang out with my brother a little more... I wish i can lock myself away in my room and never come out.. Ive been getting scared at school.. i can no longer have my back to anyone... Do i need help?

M3t4land1nk M3t4land1nk
18-21, M
2 Responses Mar 4, 2009

I was a lot like you, worrying and wanting to lock myself away in my room-- but I'm much better now. I still panic a bit sometimes, but overall, I've come a long way. And I used to hear from people saying similar things, and just think 'oh, good for THEM!' angrily, because I doubted that would ever be me, but I'm telling you, it can be, all you need to do is work on it...<br />
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So firstly, have you considered any kind of counselling? It can be good to talk to someone-- and sometimes easier to talk to a complete stranger about things than with someone you know. Plus, they'll help you work out what it is about people that worries you so much, and why you feel so down on yourself (worrying you'll embarrass yourself, ect). The stigma attached to any kind of therapy/counselling is just stupid. Plenty of people go to just talk to someone thesedays and it's nothing to be ashamed of.<br />
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I was a lot like you in the end, not wanting to turn my back on people at school (literally) out of pure fear. I got so bad that I ended up leaving school, which in many ways, I regret, because it has gotten me nowhere. I ended up snapping and simply running off. If you get help now though, you can work through this and you won't have to leave school and worry about people forever.<br />
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Even if you don't want to do counselling, have you tried talking to anyone else about this? Sometimes just letting it off your chest can make you feel a hell of a lot better-- and in a way, it's the first step! It's good that you even came on here and wrote about it. At least you're not wanting to stay hidden away forever. You're showing us that you WANT to do something to make yourself feel better.<br />
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Another thing you need is confidence, which comes naturally for a lot of people, and not-so naturally for others (or it can be ******** away from you). But you can work on it. Here's something you should do (and you might have heard of this before). Everyday, write one good thing about yourself. I don't care if it's a special skill, something you have achieved, a physical feature you like about yourself... it can be something very small, just jot something down. Do this everyday until you have a list.<br />
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Whenever you feel particularly bad about yourself, look at the list. Do NOT obsess over any bad qualities you have. Instead remember that you're only human. Anything embarrassing you have done in the past is in the past. Any mistakes you have made, are in the past. All you have now is the present, and spending it reflecting on nothing but the bad times will only drag you down further. Instead think about the good. Keep making your list.<br />
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Start hanging out with your brother-- even if it's only a little bit at first. Do things you find comfortable. If you have any bad thoughts, quickly erase them from your mind. The more you do this, the more positively you will start to think. The power of the mind can be an amazing thing-- you just have to train it.<br />
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Good luck!

Being Shy and feeling embrassed is a Common fear or situation every one have to go through once in every bodys life time.So nothing wrong with you for now.<br />
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But it's not a execuse to make and doing the same again and again.<br />
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Let me give you small situation.When we are kids,When our parents want us to go to school.We are scared,Shy and cried and don't want to go to school.Because ,We thought we can't make it.But now ..when we look ourselves,how we made it from kindergarden to highschool.<br />
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It's a small (devil)fear ,Which is combination of Past experiences and the family environment you Brought Up.<br />
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...Take a deep breath for a Minute....<br />
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....Take a small walk alone....<br />
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.....Ask yourself.....<br />
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....You will find the answers...<br />
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.....There a lot of people out side the world ,Who do lot of bad things,Crimes and Scandals,But they don't feel guility or shame or shy.Your a good and Innocent Soul.Why do you should feel shy.........<br />
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............Break the Barriers........