I'm Not Diagnosed But...

I really think that I have social anxiety even though I am not diagnosed. I have trouble even walking down the street. If I notice that people are looking at me when I am walking I literally feel like I am shrinking and that I am being crushed. I am overly aware that people can see me and it really bothers me. Meeting new people is practically impossible. I do whatever I can to get out of it and I come off as rude a lot. I am constantly afriad of being judged. Sometimes I can't focus in school because I can feel peoples eyes on me. I hate presentations with a passion and have recieved incompletes for not presenting infront of the class. I get really nervous that I have to be perfect all the time and that people are constantly judging me and I get stomach aches from the worry. At night I have a lot of trouble getting to sleep because I am constantly going over every embarassing thing that I did in the day and that I have ever done. I agonize over things that I have done wrong and wish that they had turned out differently constantly. There are a lot of things that I wish I could do but can't because I am too embarassed or afriad of being humiliated. I can't speak up in class because I am afraid of being judged and my teachers are starting to get mad. I worry so much about things like parties, sometimes even weeks in advance. I get trembles, feel sick to my stomach, shake, blush and sweat when I have to go to a social situation. I can't have fun at parties because I am too nervous. All my friends are total extroverts and they can't understand me. I make up excuses so I don't have to go out with my friends because I am scared. If I have to go to a party I usually get drunk so I am not as shy. That just gives me more to agonize about messing up and embarassing myself. I'm scared one day that I'll have a panic attack. My friends don't understand why I cant just let myself have fun and they don't know that I wish I could.
brighteyed brighteyed
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 23, 2007

Oh, Brighteyes, i so relate...<br />
Its like you just described perfectly my anxiety.<br />
This is something that needs to be talked about, i think.<br />
If only for that fact that a certain amount of release of tension can come from it, and a realization that maybe we wont feel so alone in trying to deal with it.<br />
This kind of anxiety is so absolutely scary, and seemingly unreasonable!<br />
I thank you for opening up and sharing your story.<br />
I feel somehow better about my own intense fear of people now, knowing i`m not the only one who would have those kinds of descriptions.<br />

All sounds awfully familiar, unfortunately. Especially about people thinking you're rude just because you don't talk to them, and teachers getting angry because you can't speak up in class. Been there, done that! :(