Why Me?...

NO, YOU ARE DEFINTELY NOT WEIRD. I ALSO GO THROUGH THE SAME THINGS. I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY TOO! WHICH I DESCRIBE AS ONE OF THE WORSTEST PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH IN THE WORLD. IT CAN GET VERY HARD. BECAUSE YOU WANT TO TALK AND BE FRIENDS WITH OTHERS, BUT ITS JUST SO HARD, AND SO SCARY TO DO. BUT U JUST DONT KNOW WHY ITS SO HARD. WHEN YOU LOOK AT OTHERS AND IT SEEM SO SIMPLE. I USALLY SAY THE SAME THING, WHY ME. YET I WOULDNT WISH IT ON NO ONE ELSE EITHER. NOT EVEN MY WORST ENEMY. BECAUSE IT DOESNT FEEL GOOD. BUT STILL HAVE FAITH AND HOPE, BECAUSE ONE DAY SOON IT WILL GET BETTER! ITS VERY HARD BUT I STILL HAVE FAITH THAT I WILL GET THROUGH THIS ONE DAY. I TS HARD FOR ME TO TALK WITH MY FAMILY AS WELL. I NEVER WANT TO VISIT OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS, DEEP INSIDE I DO, I JUST FEEL LIKE I CANT. ITS TO HARD FOR ME. I GET AFRAID WHEN SOMEONE COMES TO VISIT US. I PANIC. SO MOST OF THE TIME I WOULD STAY IN MY ROOM. IT HURTS, BUT IT WILL GET BETTER, IT HAS TOO!

Hi, there: with respect, I wonder whether there is any long-term underlying issue bothering you (of which you may or may not be aware?)
It is often the case that personal psychological issues (note that I'm not labelling them as 'problems'),can manifest themselves so that others (for example,your bullies) can perceive them, even when your own family cannot. You write like a perfectly intelligent,balanced parson to me (as an ex Adult Education lecturer in Human Health, Biology & Psychology.lately as a Carer Service Officer in Mental Health Family support).
I tell you this because I had a great lack of self-confidence (but not self-esteem) when I was younger, caused, I now know, because of being the wrong gender- I've been through marriage,divorce, bringing up children on my own, uni as a mature student, then successfully pursued a professional career: it takes a belief in yourself, but you can only achieve this once you have 'faced your demons'. It IS scary, and takes a LOT of courage, but,once done, you find a strength in yourself you wouldn't believe you ever had before. Then you will have a valuable gift to give to others. The key is just being yourself, no matter what others may say. You are as good (perhaps better) than anyone else-think about, feel about it. Good luck!

Hi,

I just wanted to say that you should have patience and just find some people to hang out with. I've had the same feeling of being disconnected from people, and I still have it sometimes, even though I didn't go through an experience like yours. I still feel like I don't have the type of really meaningful relationships that people are supposed to create with each other. Now though I'm starting to feel like maybe thats the way its supposed to be in a way. I mean can we ever fully know another human being? I started hanging around this group of people even though I was the quiet one who was not really part of the group but over time I became comfortable around them. I don't have a real connection to all of them but there are one or two people that I feel I can have a real conversation with. So my advice is have patience and don't give up.

I also couldn't understand your situation any better. The worst part of it for me, is it comes and goes, minute to minute, hour to hour, or day to day. been tryin to explain it to myself for a long time, and only way i can describe it is if i have two different competing dominate nueropaths. because of this, people will meet the real me. open, talkative, always know what to say, make people laugh on cue. then the next day.. they meet the empty shell of that person. I'm quiet and very shy. the regular master of akwardness. Ever feel like you and you alone are responsible for the level of comfort in a large group of friends? I don't know why i cant be me 100% of the time. anyway, i feel for you..its extremely depressing and frustrating. Does serotonin really have that much to do with S.A.D.? or is it simply learned behavior and nothing else?

oh wow, I feel the exact same way as you do.. I was bullied when I was young, and now I am always described as " the shy one" or "the quiet one"
It makes me feel so much better than so many other people are in the same situation.. and yea it really sucks!
I haven't been able to really be myself 100% around people I don't know well, therefore I'm often cut-off or feel left out when I'm not around people I already know..
I'm getting better now though! :) I realized my passion for acting, and acting has definantly caused me to become more confident in myself, and it's easier to be yourself when doing something you love! However I still find myself shy and scared to approach new people, I really wish I wasn't =/

hey,i experience similar problem as i rarely interact with others and spend most of my time on the net or watching tv.
but deep in me i know that one day i will overcome this situation. i wish you good luck as well

I once had the same problem! It took me 7 long years to over come it. Now, I'm as happy as anything! I discovered that you shouldn't bother about what's bothering you at the moment? get it? and THEN fix it later. 'cause if you keep fixing it; like you keep saying why why why..... Then you'll never come up with an answer.
The other trick is to keep yourself happy and enjoy life as it comes or even if you're just sitting there on the computer alone "again" (that's the situation I often find myself in as my dad wants me to be a programmer). Find things you like to do to keep yourself happy and fill yourself on the inside. Once you find the things you like, pursue it. Like if you like swimming, Go out swimming! You'll meet people who share the same interest.

Good luck :D

Feeling for you here in new zealand.
My social anxiety disorder was so out of control, I would shake around people, or freeze, I had to see a psychologist.
What helped me, although I still have SAD, is knowing others have this issue. I am not the only sensitive person out there, neither are you.
If we started a group for SAD, noone would show up, lol.

Cruellness in the past pays the price on your mental health thats for sure. I dont feel safe anywhere, even though I know I am being irrational. Once bitten, twice shy.
I have discovered forgiveness helps. By forgiving the people of the past who have been cruel takes their power away. No longer do you have to think about what they did to you, there is no need anymore, it just chews you up.
Acceptance of the past,
( that is not saying that it was right or fair), allows you not to go over it again and again, causing torment.
Please try your hardest to let it go and dont ask "why me", it gets you nowhere.
There are some really awesome people out there, Experience Project proves that. Forget about the horrid ones, avoid them at all cost.

I know im definately awkward around people. And like someone else said, when there's a group of ppl around you feel like your responsible for how enjoyable the conversation is. It really, really, really sucks. Yesterday i met with some people and it was going realy bad at first. Sooo awkward when im the only one not really laughing at any jokes or fake laughing.....But i just kinda stuck with it, stayed in the situation cuase...whats the worst thats gonna happen? Im not going to die! I may be awkard or appear to be rude or somthin, i might even lose some friends....but its not going to kill me so i can go for it. Adn that kinda helped
Another thing i realized is that when i get so selfconscious about what ppl are thinking about me i tend to not pay attention to what someone else is saying. Its hard to do both. So what you (I) have to do is just say "**** everything that is going on in my mind and concentrate on really understanding and paying attention to what the other person is saying" It really makes u kinda lose your selfconscious feeling at least a little. And for me sometimes its really hard to pay attention, but i know i can do it.

Hope any of this helps.

i'm here with you. i used to be outgoing. social. i had friends, a life.
after years of an abusive relations that forced separation from people, my own confinement do to an eating disorder and mental issues i now sit quiet by myself. i cant deal with public places. im too scared to make a friend. im the family member in the corner that never speaks because i cant understand who those people are in front of me. i cant communicate with people i know. i cant talk on the phone. but i can communicate via text and email, but not very many to write to. sometimes i can speak to strangers, but they have to have a certain type of energy about them and i have to be in a certain mood.

going to the store is a huge deal. in-out, dont look at people in the eye.
at school i race to classes and never look at anyone. teachers are usually ok, because i know in their eyes im a student not a human

eye contact- rarely do i make eye contact. at therapy i can only speak and properly communicate and actually recall thoughts and issues if i dont look at her.

im sorry you too deal with this.

we are lucky to have modern technology. it gives us the ability to find some sort of communication with the outside world. i have an easier time here because i cant be seen. will never meet these people. and i can speak in full sentences.

I feel exactly the same as you do!!!

Your story sounds just like mine, for most of my life. It can be devastating, that feeling in a social situation of not being able to speak. You feel like everyone's noticing. It can torment you. I think some people are just wired this way, and the more pressure you feel from it, the worse it gets. It has gotten somewhat easier for me in the past 10 years, in my 30s. I think just accepting yourself as you are, and attempting to make minor chit-chat -- say, as you go through the check-out line at the store -- are two things that have helped. But don't put so much pressure on yourself. Your social anxiety doesn't make you any worse a person, or any less interesting a person. Maybe only one or two people will get to see the "real you" in your lifetime. So be it. Worrying about it only makes it worse. Just enjoy life.

I can relate to much of your story, though I was always shy to begin with. May I ask which antidepressant you are on, and how it is helping (or not helping) you?

I'm not young anymore so maybe I have a broad picture. I'm on the outside but because my spouse is a psychiatrist I know how to look at the "other side" too. Being lonely and sad is beyond anti-depressants. It is beyond your past experiences and your expectations. You are lonely and sad but you have to hold onto your "self" and value everything you know about your being. It is what I tell myself when my child expresses feelings about BAD times. It is what I hold onto when I feel there is nobody to talk to. Sometimes we are all there is and nobody can make us better or whole. Hang onto who you are and you will get through the dark times. That is what I am telling myself today -- and I don't want to go on -- but there are people who depend on me. So go out in the "cruel world" and remember everybody else, no matter how shallow they seem, is no more prepared to live than you are. They pretend better to the world than you do. Fake it. That is what I'm doing today -- faking happiness and hoping some happiness will turn up.