Why Me?...

When i was young i was a happy child who talked a lot and was sociable, But that all changed when i started my first year of primary school.

I was bullied constantly and abused both mentally and physically, The bullies turned everyone in the school against me, it was basicly a living hell.

After that i was home schooled because it got so bad, so i became even more isolated from people.

After that i just shut down emotionally and became timid when dealing with other people, people would not talk to me because i was socially awkard.

That was many years ago and i still feel disconnected from people around me and my own feelings, people describe me as "the quiet one" and i usually just feel like a bystander when im around people, even when im around my own family we just sit in awkward silence because i dont know what to around people say or how to express myself properly.

I hate being like this and desperately want to change i hate being the one who never speaks and being known as a wierdo, i want to have normal relaxed meaningful converstaions with people but it feels like i physically cant speak up.

I know other people probably go through things like this but i still think, why me?.

P.S. I am currently on Anti-Depressants.

Unreality Unreality
18-21, M
50 Responses Mar 30, 2009

Iv been through pretty a pretty simalar experaince.<br />
but iv been relising recently is that its not a question of debaiting why this happend to me but rather just accept that i have this and that because i want to change i can :)

I know im definately awkward around people. And like someone else said, when there's a group of ppl around you feel like your responsible for how enjoyable the conversation is. It really, really, really sucks. Yesterday i met with some people and it was going realy bad at first. Sooo awkward when im the only one not really laughing at any jokes or fake laughing.....But i just kinda stuck with it, stayed in the situation cuase...whats the worst thats gonna happen? Im not going to die! I may be awkard or appear to be rude or somthin, i might even lose some friends....but its not going to kill me so i can go for it. Adn that kinda helped<br />
Another thing i realized is that when i get so selfconscious about what ppl are thinking about me i tend to not pay attention to what someone else is saying. Its hard to do both. So what you (I) have to do is just say "**** everything that is going on in my mind and concentrate on really understanding and paying attention to what the other person is saying" It really makes u kinda lose your selfconscious feeling at least a little. And for me sometimes its really hard to pay attention, but i know i can do it.<br />
<br />
Hope any of this helps.

Hey, i know what you mean i pretty much went through the same thing when i was younger just getting bullied.. and yeah it was pretty bad especially in high school so it sucks because i couldnt get home schooled but even at school with people around me i was alone hmm i know what you mean by "people go through this yet, why me?" its hard to understand why someone like you goes through such a thing and dont understand why, im not really sure what else to say since i have the same problem =/ well, i hope things to get better for you if you do wanna talk im here

Feeling for you here in new zealand. <br />
My social anxiety disorder was so out of control, I would shake around people, or freeze, I had to see a psychologist. <br />
What helped me, although I still have SAD, is knowing others have this issue. I am not the only sensitive person out there, neither are you. <br />
If we started a group for SAD, noone would show up, lol. <br />
<br />
Cruellness in the past pays the price on your mental health thats for sure. I dont feel safe anywhere, even though I know I am being irrational. Once bitten, twice shy.<br />
I have discovered forgiveness helps. By forgiving the people of the past who have been cruel takes their power away. No longer do you have to think about what they did to you, there is no need anymore, it just chews you up. <br />
Acceptance of the past, <br />
( that is not saying that it was right or fair), allows you not to go over it again and again, causing torment.<br />
Please try your hardest to let it go and dont ask "why me", it gets you nowhere. <br />
There are some really awesome people out there, Experience Project proves that. Forget about the horrid ones, avoid them at all cost.

Well since you can understand why you feel this way (being bullied) it should be much more possible to overcome it.

I once had the same problem! It took me 7 long years to over come it. Now, I'm as happy as anything! I discovered that you shouldn't bother about what's bothering you at the moment? get it? and THEN fix it later. 'cause if you keep fixing it; like you keep saying why why why..... Then you'll never come up with an answer.<br />
The other trick is to keep yourself happy and enjoy life as it comes or even if you're just sitting there on the computer alone "again" (that's the situation I often find myself in as my dad wants me to be a programmer). Find things you like to do to keep yourself happy and fill yourself on the inside. Once you find the things you like, pursue it. Like if you like swimming, Go out swimming! You'll meet people who share the same interest.<br />
<br />
Good luck :D

I relate to you completely. I was bullied a lot for being the kid who was behind in all the pop culture references, who actually liked to read, and who had a mean right hook. <br />
<br />
I still don't really feel like I fit in with people and I'd rather hang out with dogs. I'm always surprised and suspicious when people claim they like me and I don't trust more than a handful of folk. <br />
<br />
I have the exact opposite reaction though. I cover the fact that I don't want to talk about anything important by constantly chattering about useless trivia and funny stories. No one realizes that I don't ever really offer anything about myself. However, I still feel awkward and embarrassed when I talk with new people. I make a lot of social blunders because I don't know how "normal' people act.

hey,i experience similar problem as i rarely interact with others and spend most of my time on the net or watching tv.<br />
but deep in me i know that one day i will overcome this situation. i wish you good luck as well

I had the same thing , I've had people i called friends but they never got to know me because i was socially awkward... Where I live there's not many people and the only people I've only really gotten to know are my parents and brother , I was a scared child and when kids were mean to me and bullied me it made me even more scared and negative , so i was also known as "the mute" or "the one that never talks". It made me hate myself and i was always told that ME Myself was the "one with the problem" but i wasn't and neither are you, those people that picked on you are "the ones with the problem" they're the evil ones that have no feelings for other people and enjoy causing pain. You and I are good people, we want to know others and make other people happy. I have came out of my shell and now i can speak to people , because of my boyfriend Ryan, I love him so much and he gave me the chance to get to know him and i tried really hard to get to know him and others , just keep trying and you will find people you have things in common about and like to talk to.<br />
Before I thought it was all my fault and there was no hope for me to ever meet friends , but hey if I can do it anyone can. You can be friends with me and Ryan , we would love to get to know you , you sound like a really nice person to know. <br />
Even yet when meeting new people i get shy and afraid and feel I'll let myself down if the new person gets a negative opinion about me and I don't ever want to be back to where i was again. But it's completely normal to feel that way, being shy is a common thing , it'll take you awhile to warm up to people so don't blame yourself if you fail a few times , it all takes time.<br />
I know you can do it and all others suffering from this :) <br />
Have Faith<br />
<br />
<br />
buddyinuyasha@hotmail.com<br />
<br />
Add my email if you wanna talk , i want to talk with someone who knows what i went through first hand and hope to meet new people

oh wow, I feel the exact same way as you do.. I was bullied when I was young, and now I am always described as " the shy one" or "the quiet one"<br />
It makes me feel so much better than so many other people are in the same situation.. and yea it really sucks!<br />
I haven't been able to really be myself 100% around people I don't know well, therefore I'm often cut-off or feel left out when I'm not around people I already know..<br />
I'm getting better now though! :) I realized my passion for acting, and acting has definantly caused me to become more confident in myself, and it's easier to be yourself when doing something you love! However I still find myself shy and scared to approach new people, I really wish I wasn't =/

hey . <br />
<br />
dontworry , i know alot of people like that . I hate bullies ;(<br />
well i guess we just need to stand up more to them yee .

Thank you. :)<br />
I think im getting a bit better now.

Hey, I saw that you play the bass guitar and immediately thought what a cool *** dude. I can't play anything. But I think that should speak for you. Most musicians are moody. I wish what happened to you didn't happen. You should have had a happy experince during those years. I always see people flocking around the music dude. Find your music buddies. The good kind not the ones who need to be out of their minds to function. Explore your abilities more. What are your interest? When I hear others talk about writing or they are in the theater. Man I can find something to talk about. So guess who most of my friends like to do. You guessed it. My passion, writing or working in the theater in some way or the other. Take baby steps when it comes to socializing. Join a band. Just get out there and see what your are capable of. Your might mess up a few times but keep trying. I had to do the same thing. Everyone messes up sometimes. I am very sorry that the people treated you so bad but they will one day face what you faced in some kind of way and they will immediately think of you when it happens. Be great from this date on. Remember small step but take the steps. Don't miss out on being an AWESOME PERSON.

I also couldn't understand your situation any better. The worst part of it for me, is it comes and goes, minute to minute, hour to hour, or day to day. been tryin to explain it to myself for a long time, and only way i can describe it is if i have two different competing dominate nueropaths. because of this, people will meet the real me. open, talkative, always know what to say, make people laugh on cue. then the next day.. they meet the empty shell of that person. I'm quiet and very shy. the regular master of akwardness. Ever feel like you and you alone are responsible for the level of comfort in a large group of friends? I don't know why i cant be me 100% of the time. anyway, i feel for you..its extremely depressing and frustrating. Does serotonin really have that much to do with S.A.D.? or is it simply learned behavior and nothing else?

I also couldn't understand your situation any better. The worst part of it for me, is it comes and goes, minute to minute, hour to hour, or day to day. been tryin to explain it to myself for a long time, and only way i can describe it is if i have two different competing dominate nueropaths. because of this, people will meet the real me. open, talkative, always know what to say, make people laugh on cue. then the next day.. they meet the empty shell of that person. I'm quiet and very shy. the regular master of akwardness. Ever feel like you and you alone are responsible for the level of comfort in a large group of friends? I don't know why i cant be me 100% of the time. anyway, i feel for you..its extremely depressing and frustrating. Does serotonin really have that much to do with S.A.D.? or is it simply learned behavior and nothing else?

Hi,<br />
<br />
I just wanted to say that you should have patience and just find some people to hang out with. I've had the same feeling of being disconnected from people, and I still have it sometimes, even though I didn't go through an experience like yours. I still feel like I don't have the type of really meaningful relationships that people are supposed to create with each other. Now though I'm starting to feel like maybe thats the way its supposed to be in a way. I mean can we ever fully know another human being? I started hanging around this group of people even though I was the quiet one who was not really part of the group but over time I became comfortable around them. I don't have a real connection to all of them but there are one or two people that I feel I can have a real conversation with. So my advice is have patience and don't give up.

i to feel the same i have never been in a relationship

Hi, there: with respect, I wonder whether there is any long-term underlying issue bothering you (of which you may or may not be aware?) <br />
It is often the case that personal psychological issues (note that I'm not labelling them as 'problems'),can manifest themselves so that others (for example,your bullies) can perceive them, even when your own family cannot. You write like a perfectly intelligent,balanced parson to me (as an ex Adult Education lecturer in Human Health, Biology & Psychology.lately as a Carer Service Officer in Mental Health Family support). <br />
I tell you this because I had a great lack of self-confidence (but not self-esteem) when I was younger, caused, I now know, because of being the wrong gender- I've been through marriage,divorce, bringing up children on my own, uni as a mature student, then successfully pursued a professional career: it takes a belief in yourself, but you can only achieve this once you have 'faced your demons'. It IS scary, and takes a LOT of courage, but,once done, you find a strength in yourself you wouldn't believe you ever had before. Then you will have a valuable gift to give to others. The key is just being yourself, no matter what others may say. You are as good (perhaps better) than anyone else-think about, feel about it. Good luck!

I can relate because I was also a happy child who had friends and such, but in middle school I was bullied. So now I am a mess, and I am also on Anti-Deppressants. You say you are wierd, but you are not wierd. It's not you its the Social Anxiety thats controling you. I know that when you get better (believe that you will!) your personality will come out and shine, and youll be able to share yourself with whomever you choose!<BR><BR>Are you religious? I said a prayer for you, (and the rest of the people struggling on experience project) so keep fighting!

NO, YOU ARE DEFINTELY NOT WEIRD. I ALSO GO THROUGH THE SAME THINGS. I HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY TOO! WHICH I DESCRIBE AS ONE OF THE WORSTEST PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH IN THE WORLD. IT CAN GET VERY HARD. BECAUSE YOU WANT TO TALK AND BE FRIENDS WITH OTHERS, BUT ITS JUST SO HARD, AND SO SCARY TO DO. BUT U JUST DONT KNOW WHY ITS SO HARD. WHEN YOU LOOK AT OTHERS AND IT SEEM SO SIMPLE. I USALLY SAY THE SAME THING, WHY ME. YET I WOULDNT WISH IT ON NO ONE ELSE EITHER. NOT EVEN MY WORST ENEMY. BECAUSE IT DOESNT FEEL GOOD. BUT STILL HAVE FAITH AND HOPE, BECAUSE ONE DAY SOON IT WILL GET BETTER! ITS VERY HARD BUT I STILL HAVE FAITH THAT I WILL GET THROUGH THIS ONE DAY. I TS HARD FOR ME TO TALK WITH MY FAMILY AS WELL. I NEVER WANT TO VISIT OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS, DEEP INSIDE I DO, I JUST FEEL LIKE I CANT. ITS TO HARD FOR ME. I GET AFRAID WHEN SOMEONE COMES TO VISIT US. I PANIC. SO MOST OF THE TIME I WOULD STAY IN MY ROOM. IT HURTS, BUT IT WILL GET BETTER, IT HAS TOO!