Awkward silences. Struggling to continue a conversation. Afraid of participating in class. Hoping silently that my name won't get called up. Can't express myself well. A boring person to many. Respond to what someone is talking about by smiling because I don't know what to say. Feel happy when a plan is cancelled.

Being asked why am I so quiet/shy/awkward by people at different intervals of my life. People using their phones throughout instead of talking to me. People talking in the group chat and I don't know what to reply. Rewind those conversations in my head and come up with how the conversation could've been better but it's too late because that person wouldn't talk/text back anytime. Rarely text someone first. Hands shaking when talking to someone new. Walk faster if my 'friends' are not with me. I don't belong anywhere.

I'm trying to find people in school to befriend but I can't seem to find anyone who is like me. A lot of them are outspoken, fun, extroverts and have an outgoing personality. I can't change the people around me nor expect them to understand. Change starts with me. It would be really nice to have a small group of people that you feel comfortable to talk/text with. Imo it brings in a ray of hope that will guide me out of the dark side of my mind.

(P.S. I wish there was a support club in school for people like me..who don't belong anywhere/can't fit in well with others etc to come together, share what's going on in our minds in smaller groups, get some advice & encouragement, organise some activities, make friends with people who can relate with me well and most importantly everyone can feel like they are a part of a one big family where no one gets left behind or singled out for being themselves. I can propose this to the school but it's a bit too late and I'm not sure if it's a good idea.)

I still wonder at what age will I ever be proud and have no doubts to call someone my friend.
vonengel96 vonengel96
18-21, F
19 Responses Nov 7, 2014

ikr

I feel the same way In class, except for me it's ap chemistry. It's basically college level chem class in highschool, and I don't want to be called an cause I might make a stupid even though I am generally smarter than the average bear.

You remind of 'Pudge'....from 'Looking for Alaska' by John Green. (Actually, you remind me of my schooldays.)
Don't worry......You'll find someone who'll treat U right.
So.....have patience LADY PUDGE...........LORD ALASKA will come.

I hang around with people who don't like me I feel a negativeness and i am too afraid to add in to the conversation I hate it and just want to be alone so don't befriend anyone like I did I regret it

I know how it feels like :/ I want to be with people but at the same time I don't and it only makes me have more problems but without trying to know someone I could've lost a good friend? I do regret sometimes and blame myself for it.

They have to accept you for you first

it also helps as you get older and realize that a lot of people are just douchebags and you're better off without them around lol

Yep I'm pretty sure the people who I hang out with will be out of my life the moment I graduate. It's a phase.

You are quite normal! You write very well and express yourself beautifully so I would suggest 2 things. (1) Keep a diary or journal. Write your daily experiences in it. (2) Write your dreams in your journal. Many novels actually got started from dreams. I'm writing one now that started from a dream I had listening to Taylor Swifts Back to December about a singer who gets kidnapped but later rescued by a guy wanted by the FBI. He saves her life but she gets tricked by the gov't to turn him in and after she does, she realizes she had fallen in love with him.Remember this, happiness comes from your heart. No one else can make you happy, only you. As good as you write, consider writing for the school student paper or blog and if your school doesn't have one, why not start one. Everybody likes to read about themselves and writing articles about things going on at school will cause people to notice you and try to do things to impress you.

That diary idea is a good one. Yep that's true. I don't think it's good to expect people to bring happiness to me all the time. I'm not that good in writing though. I used to go into journalism for a short time but I wasn't up to the standard. It's a good opportunity to start doing something and not fade into the background the whole time but then again I guess it's not suitable for me.

Read 48 Days to the work you love by Dan Miller

I'll check it out sometime :)

I'm exactly the same as you and I have a few special friends. It's much better as opposed to the group of shallow meaningless friendships. I've started seeing my personality as Introverted as opposed to socially awkward and I feel a lot better for it. who says you necessarily have to be outgoing and loud to be happy? I'm happy sat doing my own thing on my own because I like to. I need to stop feeling guilty about it and embrace it. Us introverted types are mysterious and attractive to some people ;D

seems your mind is full of desires

Am I expecting too much?

just introspect with reason you will find the answer

I think I have that sometimes. When younger I had it all the time.

I have some possibly depressing news for you.

I've been in your shoes and I have to say, it doesn't get better. There is never a day when a switch flips in your brain and you're suddenly confident and comfortable around others. A lot of social anxiety can come from an almost 'Aspergers' type lack of what's considered acceptable social skills. You overthink all of your actions instead of following the conventional social template, trying to appear normal when you aren't. But it's more than ok to be abnormal.

You'll learn to deal with it, because you won't have much of a choice, but the fact is, you're just not like most people.

The great thing is, the people with set personalities who react in a predictable, acceptable fashion are easy to read. They have triggers that you can learn to manipulate.

Stop trying so hard and the things that make you apparently 'boring to many' will make you the most fascinating person in the room. Don't smile when you can't think of a response, smile when you find something genuinely interesting. If someone is boring YOU with their average chatter, don't submit to it. Ingratiating people are boring. Someone that is hard to figure out/make smile, is a lot more interesting. They will try to figure you out if you make it harder for them. You don't need them. They don't understand you, they're not the friends you're looking for, don't bother with them.

Embrace your awkwardness as much as you can. If someone asks you why you're quiet/shy/awkward, make it awkward for them. They're the one asking the stupid question. Shrug and stare at them, or ask 'does it bother you?' It shouldn't. If it does, get out of there.

When you stop humouring the people in your life that you don't want there, the right people will come to you.

I still feel better when plans are cancelled. It's one of the quirks of introversion. I never get bored by myself. I do get bored around the wrong people. You'll probably never grow out of it, but you can definitely teach yourself to care less.

I wish I can heart this 50 times but I can't. You're right. I have to care less.

Aww, all good. Us introverts have a particularly thorny path to travel. Contrary to your concerns, it really does make us a lot less boring than your average Joe :)

Being different sets me apart but it may not always be a good thing. It's a bumpy road.

Good thing in the long run, trust me. You find out so much more about humanity. You're probably a very deep, emotionally developed person underneath the social awkwardness. That side of you will only get stronger. It's a blessing in disguise. A very good disguise, though.

I was thinking that if I were to stay like this in the future, it's going to pose problems when I start working. I don't know how it's a blessing when it makes things harder but I guess certain things take time.

Work was hard for me too. So hard, that I stopped trying all together and tried to come up with a solution that meant I wouldn't have to work with people. I now work online, doing something I love. It pushed me to think outside the acceptable norm and find not only something that I feel comfortable with, but something that suits me to the bone. Listen to yourself and what you WANT to know, not what you think you HAVE to do. If it's too hard to bear, there's a reason. It's not right for you. There's nothing wrong with you, you don't have a disability. You're different. Allow your uniqueness to lead you where you want to go.
You can work on feeling more comfortable around others, but you can't work on squishing your triangular self into a square hole.

Another thing, in conversation, try not asking too many questions. It gives the impression that you don't find them as interesting as they find you, and the average person's ego will object. It leaves them feeling like you have minimal interest in them so you must be more interesting/find them boring, which they'll work hard to try and disprove. In the meantime, they might just became fascinated by you.

They're the ones who do the talking most of the time. I just listen or maybe nod/smile to acknowledge what they just said. People love talking about themselves. I'm okay with that instead of everyone being completely silent

People do love talking about themselves, don't they. It's the most boring talk in the world!
Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. -Eleanor Roosevelt

Okay what a small mind. Good quote.

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Talk nonsense..... Who cares

life can change for the better at any age I want you to always keep hold of *hope* some of those quiet anxious nervous teenagers became true champions you know life is not dictated by a certain point or mindset it can be manipulated and it can progress stagnate remain in one place or march forward - the choice is always yours - stay strong !!! You have the entire world ahead of you

Thanks for the encouragement :)

been through some dark passages in my life and always got back up again :-)

Good to know :)

I think the club idea is great and you should help make it come true. I know colleges are good at having clubs for all kinds of people so they can get together more easily. Good luck and stay strong, life gets so much better :)

I am still exactly like this, and I'm 34.

Have you thought about seeing someone? it's really hard to get out of this by yourself, but therapy helped a lot for me. I'm still not completely out of it, but I am getting better. Slowly, but it does help. But it does take time though, you have to reprogram yourself and your thoughts. I hope that you will find the you're looking for.

Yeah I was thinking about talking to the counsellor but there's always something that's stopping me from doing so. There's no harm trying I understand but I feel uncomfortable for some reason.

Yeah, the feeling that you're walking against an invisible wall? that something is stopping you from going to him/her? And what about your parents? How supportive are they? because you could try and talk to them. Hopefully they know you and you can be a little more open to them.

My parents are aware that I have a problem socialising with people since I was 13 but they don't try to help me. It's more of giving me that message to stop being so anti-social because I'm embarassing them. Something like that. I'm not pointing fingers at them but sometimes I wish I can be completely honest with them.

Yeah, that's still a problem. People just don't understand how debilitating this condition is. Just because you can't really see it like a cut or something like that. But you should try and find help, it will work out for the best. I just know it! If you do need someone to talk to, you can always just send a message.

I'll see how it goes. Thanks I appreciate it

No problem, just remember that you're not alone

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"Sometimes, you got to be your own best friend" is what my mother always told me. I was just that in high school, and like you, decided to "change" the inner me once I got to college, which worked out well, and got me mostly out of the "social anxiety woods", but not really.

This is definitely a problem that can be worked on to a degree, but it's hard, and I'm still facing issues in regards to my social anxiety that won't go away no matter how hard I try.

I used to enjoy my own company but lately it's making me feel a little empty. It takes time to get through all this.

I understand, it is lonely to always be on your own. It's kind of like we are hypocrites, right? We like our own company, and at the same time, we don't want to be alone.

Exactly.

totally describes me ..

I wish there was one back when I was in highschool

Most of this described me so well.

It's quite cool both of u have similar profile pics

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