Adopted Personality Because I Don't Know How to Be

People who know me would probably describe me as being really sociable and outgoing but in reality i'm terrified of social situations. I've learnt to adopt this wild, uninhibited party girl persona because i know if i was myself (self aware, shy and awkward) i'd get nowhere. I hate the fact i have social anxiety and am ashamed to say i've relied on drink and drugs to 'socialise' me. This has backfired beacause i tend to take things too far, act irratically and over-familiar with people when of this mindset.

Because of my drink/drug behaviour i now have very few friends. I also don't trust myself in social situations anymore, have become totally withdrawn and have resigned myself to the fact i'm a loner. I long to be a sociable person, always in company or on the phone, but i'm happiest alone. Sad reality. I hope to find the balance one day.

 

selfdiagnosed selfdiagnosed
22-25, F
4 Responses Sep 8, 2009

I was you when I was younger. Weed was my drug of choice. I cope without it now but I have to say it is way more difficult. I have yet to find a pharmaceutical that works as well. <br />
But believe me my life is easier now that I am done with weed. I did lose my inhibitions in social situations but like you I always went too far. <br />
You have many friends here if you need us. <br />
L

feel the same its funny because it eventually takes over and to get yourself back becomes hard work especially because people around you tthink thats you as they have seen no different

It's good to know i'm not the only one (seriously didn't think this was common!)

Hello twin you have just discribed me to a T!!!!! I couldn't have said it better! Which is kind of crappy!