Its been a while now since I wrote here. I have changed a LOT. I see life in a different way now. I feel lost, hopeless and empty. Its funny cause I started to look at the stuff I wrote here like a year ago and I cant believe does things preocupied me.

A lot has happen since then. I overcame my Body Dysmorphic Disorder, since a started going to my psychologist. But I have another obstacles... 2 I can say: Social Anxiety and depression. It has eaten me alive. I cant do what I want in life and its really frustrating to me. I cant talk to people and I can see how my friends prefer to be with other persons. I try to explain them but they just will never understand. I lost a friend, we talk to each other but hate each other. Its a weird relationship I know. But we do it because we have the same friends. And I get envious when I see that they like her way more than me. I just hate it. Because shes a total bi@!$ because of so many reasons...but lets get back with the topic. The point of this is that I HATE my life right now and I cant wait to gradute from highschool. Its a living hell. I want to start from zero. I wanna be different and try to not make the same mistakes as I did. I just hope for the best. But I have social anxiety in the way...ughh.

At some point of my life I was like: "You can do this", "You are strong" , "You are beautiful", "Your future will be happy". But so many things happend that...that positivity just disappeared. I felt alone...and I could finally understand all those quotes that people wrote, all those stories. Theres just no other horrible feeling than feeling alone. I felt and still feel like trapped in a cage that doesnt have a key to open. But everytime I think of killing myself...theres a voice in my head saying: "Not yet". Its really weird. I hope God knows what hes doing with me. Because Im tired of myself, people and reality. I can actually feel my depression turning on and off, on and off constantly and it's horrifying. Lets see what happens.
marylight098 marylight098
18-21, F
2 Responses Jan 8, 2016

I am sorry that you have such a hard time, and if you want to talk to someone you can always send me a message.
A quote from a TV show that I agreed with is "You just have to get through high school. Because high school sucks for anyone who is the least bit different."

good picture